The Wrong Way to Parent: A Poet's Opinion

Today, I sat down and wanted to write a poem. I don’t really want to go into a big explanation about what it's about. However, I do want the readers to get a really good understanding as to where I’m coming from on this one, so I will explain a few thoughts I had when I came up with the idea for this poem and how it would flow.

So, my main job in life is "mother." I actually live and breathe this job; it’s my job; it's my passion, even over writing, it’s the thing I will always take the most pride in. I have sacrificed in ways people don’t know in order to excel and do my job right. I wanted to be the kind of mother whom my kids deserve. Am I perfect at it? No, not at all, but I damn sure try hard.

Now, as you can tell, I really feel parenting is the most important job we have as adults; that is if you have children. If you don’t, you go live your life in whatever way you see fit my good people. But, if you do have children, then you need to get a reality check on how it goes, and that reality check is not learning from "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," or "The Real Housewives of Atlanta," or whatever reality show you watch where values on parenting and life itself are so screwed up that when the show is over, you feel exhausted from all the drama.

This is where I got the idea for this poem. I thought about what way I felt is the correct way to be an adult and parent to my children over the way some others do it. I believe a lot of us do watch these crazy shows and think life is supposed to be like that. No, no, please open your eyes everybody. Life is supposed to be life in your own way, with your values. The thing is, if you are ignoring your responsibilities as a parent, well then, you really have no great values, right?

I see parents these days in this little small town I live in, totally ignoring their duties as parents. A lot of them are leaving their children at home alone not only during daylight hours, but at night on the weekends, so they can go out partying it up. I’m not just talking about single parents here; I’m talking about married couples. Now that is pitiful isn’t it? Some are in bars playing in their bands and such, and don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with playing in a band at almost forty years old, there is, however, something wrong with playing in a band at forty years old, in a bar, at midnight, while your wife is getting drunk watching, and you have left your young teenage daughter home watching the two-year-old. Yes, I know of several here where I live that do these type things.

However, it’s not only that type to contend with. There is also the career driven parents. The ones that work themselves to death to pay a mortgage on a big house, and their car notes on their new Mercedes, more than give much-needed attention to their children. If they have a bit of time left in a day, they are trying to find sleep time. I know these types too.

Am I to be excluded? No, not really, I mean I don’t do anything that I just described. I am actually with my kids 24/7. That’s no lie. I love them, and I take time to make sure they know it, by telling them. I show them by helping with homework, listening to their day at school, feeding them when they are hungry, making sure they have baths, and are prepared for their next day at school. But,…I have faults too. I think I over compensate when it comes to “things.”

My daughter, for instance, is a straight-A student always has been, and she happens to love clothes, so, guess what? She is the best-dressed girl in school. My son, he is on the AB honor roll every semester, and he likes video games, so, guess what? He has probably every video game a kid could want. Do I do this out of guilt that they have no father figure? Probably. Do I do this to reward them for their efforts at school? Definitely. Do I think I spoil them this way? Of course.

However, I give myself a break, because I do not buy things for myself, I do not ever leave my children to fend for themselves. I'm a constant companion for my children. I don’t have much in the way of money, and I don’t own my own home. I drive a 1999 Cadillac, that I will continue to drive until the wheels fall off. I think what I’m saying is, at least I’m here; simple as that. I may have some faults, but I’m here when they need me the most. Your life becomes your children’s life when you make the decision to have them, and I get totally upset when I see how a lot of people parent and live their lives these days.

Without saying anything else, I believe you will understand my thought process now as you read my poem. I would like to know your thoughts on this issue. So, if you would like to vote in the poll, I post, I am always interested in others' views. Please also comment if you would also like to say a few words. Take care, I hope you like this piece.

How do you manage

to stay in the mirror,

your make-up flawless

hair so not frivolous?

I tell you I can only manage

a ponytail most days. My

toes and fingernails remain

half painted.

You have kids, and I do too;

but my question is, do you

notice them as much as you

notice you?

I go without to get what my

kids need, I don’t worry

about shopping for myself

these days.

Some say to me, “your kids

are spoiled.” Well, of course

they are - with their mothers

LOVE.

I’m not saying you don’t do

this too, but Jimmy Choo

shoes and Chanel perfume,

just to walk your kids

into school?

However, you do seem to

have it all, I give you that;

fancy cars, nice home, you

appear to be a real class act.

Your career keeps you gone

from daylight until dark. You

pay nannies to feed and help

your kids with their homework.

Don’t get me twisted on what

I’m saying, I know some have

no choice, but to go out and

make bacon.

Yet, those types are the ones

that still find a way to hurry

home after, just so they can hear

a moment of their children’s laughter.

Your kids, however, go

unnoticed, and lack a real

life; Oh sure, they have a

Playstation and their own

iPhone plus.

It’s just…do you ever

take time to slow down,

stop thinking of working

a moment to smile?

To Smile at your child over

the dinner table, and marvel

at the way he is constantly

growing…

I guess I merely ask because I

don’t understand your

vain way of thinking, your

lifestyle only seems to matter

if others envy.

I think I am amazed at myself

really. I wouldn’t want for

fancy things that take over

my maternal responsibilities.

That way of life smothers the

concept of human nature, and

the simplicity of joy from true

connections.

One day, I hope people will

wake up, because there is

so much more to life than

high heels and big bucks!!