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Sweet Sadie

Updated on May 18, 2013
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Danny Sparks is a stand up Comedian, Writer and Actor and Entrepenuer. He lives in Santa Monica, Ca with his wife and three children.

"Dad, where do babies come from?"

If you're a parent like me, you've probably heard this question before. Its a tricky one to answer but I found a simple and delightful way to go about it. I was asked where do babies come from by my then 6 year old daughter, Sadie. So instead of going the traditional "Stork" story route, I told her about the story of her mother and me leading up to her birth. I left out the "physical" details but she got the point. Babies come from mothers and fathers who love each other (at the time mostly).

Sadie was impressed by the story so I figured I'd share it here. The details are to the best of my knowledge, which, according to my wife, are not completely accurate. I think I may have a memory disorder that makes me remember things in a favorable way to me. Nevertheless, its my story and I'm sticking to it.

The details of the story are about 90% accurate. I'm glad that I wrote this because I often wish I could hear the story of how my mother and father came to create me. In this new information age, we can document family events and history like never before. So without further ado, here's the story. Enjoy.

Congratulations, Mr. Sparks, it's a girl!

So, I was living with this girl, who I was totally dependent on and my life was going nowhere. Not that my life is going somewhere now, but it was really really going nowhere at that time. I think I was doing construction or something like that. My twin sister had recently graduated from college, the same college I spent five years at without earning a degree. She had a kid and my niece became this weird sort of family mascot or something. My sister’s baby’s father was an African guy who had money. Not like bank account money, I mean like cash. It was obvious he didn't get rich from investing or flipping houses, this guy was some sort of illegal guy. All of my college friends and I would constantly try to figure out how this guy had a Range Rover, a BMW a nice condo, and no real job.

But anyway, my sister received little financial support from this guy. I speculated that his con was running low or something. So, my sister needed to receive aid in the form of WIC. Every like month or so, she’d go to this place where they’d give her a bunch of milk, cheese and beans or stuff like that for the kid.Well, little did I know, that while my sister was busy having kids by this African Con man, my ex girlfriend, Holly, was also with child. Coincidentally with yet another great father. Since she needed assistance also, she too would go to this WIC office to receive aid for her son.

Well, as fate would have it, they ran into each other. Casual conversation led to them talking about me and Holly eventually giving my sister her phone number. My sister eagerly gave me the number and I called within five minutes. For almost 5 years or so, Holly was the one that got away, and I guessed that the feeling was mutual. I can’t remember the first conversation, but I do remember us seeing each other like within a day or two. Things got kind of weird pretty quickly as my girlfriend wasn't too happy about this. I dumped her and moved in with my parents. Looking back at this, I was a dick, but I still feel like it was the right thing to do. My girlfriend was a nice girl with a great job designing malls and shopping centers and I was just some bum on her couch. Well, she still took it pretty hard, I mean, she would sometimes be on my mother’s couch crying when I walked in the door. She got over it though. At this time, Holly would come by and visit, and immediately all I wanted was sex. I was just in a relationship and didn't like the idea of leaving one relationship just to get in another.

We’d sit in the car in front of my mom’s house and talk, make out and laugh. Her son would be in the car seat sleeping or back at home with her mother. There was one night where my sexual frustration spilled over and I told her I needed it. She told me that the next guy she had sex with would be her husband. I took that as a proposal, I said, okay lets have sex now. She was reluctant, but we did. In less than 48 hours, I received a call from her telling me she felt pregnant. I immediately dismissed this. She persisted, and I thought she was crazy as hell. Well, the following week, she went to the doctor who confirmed the story.

Well, Sadie is turning 10 this Friday and I've never told this story. So, there ya go!


Did you conceive your child(ren) by accident, or were they planned?

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