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Things They Don't Tell You About Becoming A Mom- The Hard Truth

Updated on September 24, 2012

The hard truth about pregnancy, labor, and newborns

A mother has a glorious night of sex with her beloved. Two weeks later her boobs hurt so badly, she can't even shower properly. Another six weeks go by, and the majority of her breakfast contents end up in the toilet. She is pregnant.

Source

Vomiting your way through the dream

Carrying a child is a dream of many young girls. Aren't dreams supposed to be made of fanciful pleasures, joy, and excitement? How have we as women turned one of the most painful and uncomfortable events into a misty longing?

For nine months a woman will grow in ways she never thought possible. She will get hemorrhoids, varicose veins, swollen ankles and feet. She'll have to sleep sitting up, watch her weight, and receive endless caresses on her belly from perfect strangers. She will become so uncomfortable that this woman- normally a rational human being, will begin wishing for labor...one of the most painful experiences on planet Earth.

In ten months time (yes pregnancy is 40 weeks, not nine months- yet another random lie), she will go into labor. She'll endure hours and hours and hours of excruciating pain, while calm nurses and doctors tell her she is doing great. As if she had a choice for one minute. What would it look like for a woman to perform labor terribly? See, those words are ridiculous.

That baby will eventually slide into the world (slide is NOT the appropriate term). It's more like barrel into the world wrecking absolute havoc to her nether regions in the process.

For a moment in time, there will be pure bliss as she lays eyes on that little bundle. Then, this woman who has just endured months of discomfort- she will get to recover peacefully in a hospital with a sleepy nice smelling newborn. That's the dream anyway.

You see, that is another lie everyone perpetuates simply with silence. "Having babies are great! It's so beautiful! There is nothing more rewarding..."

You do realize that after labor and delivery, you will receive no rest. Here are a few other little golden pieces of advice the books leave out:

You will think you hate your baby at least once
Whether it is because he will not stop crying or he bruised your boobs, you will have a moment where you think, "Who the hell is this irrational human being and how did I get involved in his life?" Do not panic. It's normal.

Breastfeeding HURTS at the beginning
All the books will tell you it shouldn't hurt. Bologna- it will. Unless you are in the small minority of women who just figure it out smoothly, expect to gnaw on your tongue a few times when Junior latches on.

Speaking of breastfeeding, you will leak- even during sex
Awkward! I still have not figured out a way to adequately deal with this problem, except to wear a bra with pads 24 hours a day. Console yourself with the fact that eventually it will stop.

Babies are ugly
Well maybe you don't think yours is right now, but with cradle cap, acne, flat head syndrome, poop, urine, and spit up, there will come a day when you wonder why yours does not look like Anne Gedde's pictures. There is only one answer- photoshop.

Parental abuse
It is an epidemic. Babies all over the world torment their parents with piercing screams, bodily fluids, and no sleep. Expect to be abused by your baby worse than any other human. You know what they say- it is a good thing babies are cute- hmm, really?

The hard truth

Right after you have endured labor and delivery, the baby is not the only one giving you a hard time. What about your body? Yes your boobs will be sucked on mercilessly every couple hours, causing more contractions as you bleed like a stuck pig. Trips to the bathroom will be a sixteen step process, you will be given underwear that looks like a fishing net, plus a weird squirt bottle that is meant to help with the - ehem - mess. Throughout this, the baby will need round the clock care, and you will not sleep for months.

Here's the crazy part: After enduring pregnancy, labor, delivery, and newborn care...most of us will have something magical happen to our brains that causes us to forget it all just enough....

that we do it again. And if you're me, again.

-Julie DeNeen
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    • Carrie MJ profile image

      Carrie MJ 

      6 years ago from Missouri

      Great hub! I love the introduction. Also, the point about breasts leaking during...ya know. Haha. Priceless. One of my 3 hubs is on this topic. I'm new at this, so I would welcome any tips you have for my writing! :)

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools Hogg 

      6 years ago from North-East UK

      Interesting, funny (agonisingly so...) hub about what it's really like to give yourself over to childbirth and child-rearing. I only have one and she is now 17 and I love her to bits but good grief it's hard work. At the labour, you're basically on a conveyor belt with those staff, a spectator most of the time and it's a weird day isn't it? All that pain offset with that flood of love for your little bundle.

    • Dr Pooja profile image

      Dr Pooja 

      6 years ago

      Interesting true write up on a topic we women go through but probably never pen it.

    • CarlySullens profile image

      Carly Sullens 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

      What a little Red Tent you created here for women to be able to fully tell the truth. There is there dream and there is reality. Why or Why do all the commercials with moms and their babies/toddlers show them in pristine white, in a pristine house, looking all dolled up. I put my child in white only once. I learned that as a mom, never to buy white clothes.

    • mismazda profile image

      mismazda 

      6 years ago from a southern georgia peach

      So very true...babies can be a nightmare a first....lol....my sister is due any day now and I tell her enjoy your free life while you can ...lol

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 

      6 years ago from New York, New York

      As a mother of 2, I could have written this myself. Everything you said it so very true and could not agree more. When you are first trying to conceive, no one prepares you for the nine months ahead, labor/delivery and a newborn. Thanks for this most informative article for those who have never been through and also for those of us who have been and can totally 100% relate. Voted and shared too!

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 

      6 years ago from Finland

      I can so relate to this. Not to mention I couldn't sit for weeks without hurting after having my first child. He was screaming most of the time for almost five months. Then I got pregnant again ... What was I thinking? LOL! I could not live a day without my two children, and yes, I have forgotten all about giving birth now. It has been almost five years since my second child was born. Superb hub!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 

      6 years ago from Florida

      As a mother of 4, Grandmother of 7 and a Great Grandmother of 1 I an really relate to this Hub. Wait till you have Grandchildren, it will be like having your own all over again. Honest! You will have to listen to your daughter moan and complain about pregnancy, then you will just have to be there when her baby is born, and you will suffer all over again. Then, you'll get to help raise her kids!

      I voted this UP, etc.etc.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 

      6 years ago from Iowa

      Funny! I never had kids and this affirms my decision. : )

      Great first hub!

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Calhoun 

      6 years ago from Western NC

      I've put off having kids...not sure if I will. But, reading this definitely makes me want to put it off a little longer, haha.

      Thank you for the truth, though. It's great to know. :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      6 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Now that is one truthful article! I agree with quite a few. Great info and fabulous first hub! :)

    • Julie DeNeen profile imageAUTHOR

      Blurter of Indiscretions 

      6 years ago from Clinton CT

      @iamaudraleigh- thanks! LOL

    • profile image

      iamaudraleigh 

      6 years ago

      Hi there! I enjoyed your sense of humor as you wrote this! I am not sur I really ever want to b a Mom now...lol...but I liked this! "Vomiting your way through the dream" is a great sub heading! Voted up!

    • profile image

      curiousgeorge77 

      6 years ago

      Well, you are right . You speak of the harsh realities that are very much a part of being a mother. So if the price of becoming a mom is as high as what you describe, then there must be something that makes it worth that very high price. Like most anything that really brings a deep sense of joy, there is always a price to be paid.

    • sadie423 profile image

      sadie423 

      6 years ago from North Carolina

      I have 5, and that is so true. The entire time you say NEVER AGAIN, but then the baby is out and you forget it all. And most will do it again.

    • CassyLu1981 profile image

      CassyLu1981 

      6 years ago from Spring Lake, NC

      I too am a Mommy of 3 :) I wouldn't change it for the world but so very thankful I don't have to worry about having another one EVER! LOL

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