13 Things That Happens When Your Parents Fight With Each Other
You refuse affection
You are more likely to shy away from people who send affection your way because it is not something you are used to. Just the thought of having someone come up to you and saying they love you makes you get anxiety. You also find yourself incapable of showing said affection back and it usually just makes you look like you are heartless.
Commitment Issues
Why do we need to put titles on anything? You ask yourself. You are afraid of things moving fast with your partner and cannot stand things getting serious between the both of you. The thought of your partner wanting more than a causal relationship with you is terrifying. There is also the issue that you might think that you are too damaged for your partner and would not want to involve them permanently in your life for their own sake.
Non-confrontational
You are used to listening and watching arguments and getting into one, you would rather avoid getting into a fight than letting your true feelings get shown. You tend to walk away from arguments refusing to become like your parents whatever the situation and end up being used as a walk-mat because you refuse to stand up for yourself.
Lack of self-respect and worth
You’ve watched your parents insult and downgrade each other in every way and as a child, you start to mirror such feelings onto yourself and begin to view yourself as a product of failure, as having no worth which continues on to adulthood.
Lack of parental respect
You have seen them hurt each other so much in your presence that you just learn to either ignore them or just lose respect for them because of the emotional torture they inflict on you without even realizing it.
Middle man
You are skilled in resolving the conflict between two people by delivering insulative messages to the both of them in such a way that it leaves you in the clear and a neutral party to both sides.
Manipulation
You tend to be able to manipulate their destructive feelings for each other to activate your own agenda to get what you want which ends up being an active part of your life and behavior because if you can do that to your own parents, who else can’t you do that too?
You stay single
You would rather avoid all possibilities of ending up in a toxic relationship like your parents. You tell yourself it is better to still be and remain single than to ever find yourself in a comparable situation ever again no matter the cost.
Do any of the situations mentioned in the article relate to you?
Similar conduct in relationships
When in a relationship you act the same way, your parents did to each other towards your partner as that is the only way you know relationships work and in the process end up alienating your partner because of your brashness.
Conflict resolution
The only way you know how to resolve conflict whether you admit it or not is from the examples shown to you as your parents and you may end up developing similar resolution patterns in your approaches with partners, friends, coworkers and basically anyone you have a conflict with.
Blaming yourself
Even up to an adult age you tend to blame yourself for whatever happened and try to fix them but it is not your fault as they are old enough to make their own decisions and whilst they may want to remain stuck in that phrase it is not your duty to apply glue and stick yourself to them.
Always Suspicious
When a person acts or behaves nicely to you, you begin to wonder what ulterior motive they have and wonder what they want in return as you and begin to make up problems and situations because you refuse to believe that a person can just be that nice and want to have a relationship with you.
Depression
This is something that stems from childhood after watching your parents fight so much eventually it would have a mental effect on you without you realizing it which could lead to depression and would require a lot of effort on your part to recover from.
Sources
- CHRONIC ARGUING BETWEEN PARENTS FOUND HARMFUL TO SOME CHILDREN - NYTimes.com
SOME feuding parents try to hide their fighting from their children; others make a point of letting their children see that parents do become angry at each other. There are parents, too, who do not seem to care much one way or the other. - Effects Of Parents Fight, Impact Of Fighting On Children - Parentcircle
Often in the fight between parents, children are the losers. This article explores the dangerous impacts parental fights have on the mental wellness of the children. - What Happens to Children When Parents Fight — Developmental Science
When I was a child, my parents’ fights could suck the oxygen out of a room. My mother verbally lashed my father, broke jam jars, and made outlandish threats. Her outbursts froze me in my tracks. When my father fled to work, the garage, or the wood
© 2017 Naomi Adeniji
Comments
I agree with this completely. When parents hate each other, they have no idea how much the child is being affected, mentally and emotionally. Most of the children I know that have gone through this have commitment issues. They also don't easily let people into their lives.
All of these things really scare me to death as they concern my daughter. I don't want my daughter to take the blame for what happens to her parents, but I don't want her to be damaged by it either. Maybe I should just accept responsibility here but I still pray she can move beyond some of the more difficult things you have listed above.
Wow there are so many things to think about in this post. Hearing your parents argue is never a good thing.
My parents mostly get along, but on those times that they don't are just the worst. Hearing them argue is something kids should not be exposed to. I am now a parent and my husband and I don't always agree on things, and we're not perfect but we try as much as we can to not expose our kids to our fights and disagreements.
The actions of parents can really take its toll on their children. Ultimately, life is what you make it. Take the time to work on yourself so that you can live a happy, healthy life.
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Thanks dear.
- AUTHOR
The problem then becomes you notice you're a doormat and you stand up for yourself and in the process you lose a lot of friends or people you thought were friends because that was all they wanted from you the ability to use you. It makes you a better person in the long term but if you are not strong enough you might end up just crawling back to where you started. I've learnt to know how to place the divide between my parents and myself as the past cannot be fixed but I can fix my future. Thanks for commenting.
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All we can hope for is to create good homes also.
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You actually don't know it's sad till you go out and realize it's not the norm, that's when it actually hits you. Thanks right back.
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You make a lot of valid points and I do see the little changes that I'm making to change because I already know there's a problem and I'm willing to change. Thank you for believing in me. :)
Yikes - I was very fortunate to have parents who got along well. Really informative post -- thanks for sharing
I am so glad I never really had to deal with this. My parents had their moments, as all couples do, but never anything major. I have known people who grow up in similar situations, and it's so hard.
I can relate to the fact that when one parent is non-confrontational it provides a template for the children become doormats in their future significant relationships. In essence parents set the table of expectations for their kids.
I am so lucky to have come from a home where my parents loved each other. It wasn't perfect but it was a good home
I am so lucky I never had to deal with this growing up. It is such a sad situation. I am going to share this post with some friends who have experienced this in their own lives. THANKS!
This is truly a sad situation and I think that many parents don't realize just how much and how deeply this affects their children. It makes me so grateful that I have such a wonderful relationship with my husband.
I feel for you.
I have become to believe that patterns of our ancestors do get passed onto us. We will both be a part of repeating what they did and we will also be the spark of stepping out of those patterns. For me it hasnt fixed itself up. But to manage? I have learnt to be more compassionate with myself when I slip up. And I believe we have to help ourselves to improve the quality of our life together with making it okay if we are given a hand up. Just be guided by your conscience. Find a way to develop a willingness to trust that things will eventually work out for the highest good of all. These things have taken time to both trust and develop. Expect the best from yourself and others. And decent people will be happy to respond in that way knowingly or unknowingly. Learn to trust yourself. I am willing to believe in you.
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