Thinking of Having a Baby
You're a Couple
You've had or are going to have sex
For those of you thinking about having a baby, you might first take a good look at your relationships. There are several relationships you need to look at. Let’s start with your parents.
How do you get along with your parents? Are you on good terms with them? How could your relationship with them be better? Do you live with both parents? If your parents are divorced, do you play one against the other? Be honest many children do this with their parents. It’s much harder if your parents are still married. How long have your parents been married? What is good about their relationship? Have you talked to them about relationships? Ask your mom how she met your dad. How long did they date before getting married? Ask your dad the same question. Ask them how they feel about each other today. Is it different from when they were first dating? When they first married? These are some things you might want to know.
Now let’s look at your relationship with your boyfriend? How long have you been dating? Have you had sex yet? Has it been protected sex? How many other guys have you dated? Take a long hard look at this man of your dreams. Get a piece of paper; fold it down the middle length ways. On the left side write good things, on the right side put things I really don’t like. Now, make a list of all the things that are good about this Mr. Wonderful. Start with his looks, then his habits, then his personality. When you are done, look at him very carefully and list all the things you don’t like about him. Does he smoke? Drink? Does he party every week-end? Drive recklessly? Do drugs? Swear constantly? Does he hit you? Has he finished school? Does he have a job? How does he dress? What are his manners like? Does he attend church? Does he have any beliefs?
Next, what is your relationship with his parents? Do you even know them? What are they like? Do they like you? Do you feel comfortable around them? Would you be comfortable spending a lot of time with them? Remember these will be your child’s other grandparents. Are they good with kids? Talk to his mom about how she met his dad. Are you comfortable talking to her? It might be a good idea to make another list.
Now that you have some lists and have had some conversation. It’s time you talk with Mr. Wonderful. Does he want children? If so, when? Can he support them? Is he ready to make a life time commitment? Look at your list of things you don’t like. Many of these you won’t be able to change. Harping and nagging will not make a difference.
Put your lists away. I want you to make a promise to yourself that you will not act in anyway to get pregnant or push the issue of commitment for six months. At that time, take out your lists and look at them again. Are there any changes that you need to make? Have there been changes in your relationship? Have you changed?
If after six months you still think he is Mr. Wonderful and you have no major changes, find someone you trust that you can talk to. This could be a teacher, counselor, clergy, best friend, parent of a friend, but it needs to be someone you can really trust. Show them your list. Talk to them about relationships. See what they have to say.
In my book, So You Think You Want to be a Mommy? I interviewed several young mothers. Only one had been in a relationship for any length of time and even her relationship could not stand the stress of a pregnancy. If you think the guys you date in high school are your future husband, you are probably wrong. Ask any girl twenty-five or older about the guys she dated in high school and looking back would she want to be with them or married to them now. You might be surprised at the response you get.