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Trying to have a baby: What to do when you are not expecting?

Updated on March 2, 2015

My History

I have two wonderful children. My little girl came as a sweet surprise. About a month after being married my husband and I move across country to Florida. I thought I was nauseas because of the move, the stress, and the heat of Florida. When my monthly friend did not arrive. I didn't think I was pregnant. We were using preventive measures. I took a test, it was positive. I took 3 more all were positive. First I was shocked. But than I was excited. It wasn't my plan to get pregnant within a month of our marriage. But we were over joyed anyway. Some times the best things come out of spontaneity.

My husband and I were using protection. My sister has 5 kids. So, I thought we must have some sort of fertile gene in our family.


Trying for a baby.

After my dear daughter turned 3 years old. We thought it would be great to add another little one into our lives. I remember it like yesterday. We made the decision in August.

I made sure to make healthy choices, I ate all healthy foods, and I started taking prenatal vitamins.

Once a month I got together with my friends for a girls night. We would have a glass of wine, make dinner together, and talk about our lives. I had excitedly explained to them why I wouldn't be having a glass of wine that night, because we was trying for a baby. They were excited for me, and my new chapter in life.

August came and went. September nothing, October still no baby, In October I bought the ovulation tests. To figure out the exact week I was ovulating.

In November my period was late. I remember thinking FINALLY! I ran to the store and bought a pregnancy test. Negative, I took the 2nd one in the box, Negative. I couldn't help but cry. My husband would try to be positive. He would say, "It's only been a couple of months." I laid in bed every night tossing and turning. As I prayed to be blessed with a baby. I couldn't help but wonder what happened to the fertile mertile, that I thought I was.

I read all the pregnancy books. I did the pregnancy diet. I read everything I could, and did everything it said to do to encourage pregnancy.

I started withdrawing from my friends. Every time I would talk to them they would always ask if I was pregnant yet. If I could go back in time, I wish I would have never told my friends I was trying to have a baby. They were nice about it. But every time they asked I had to be reminded of it and then say out loud that I was not pregnant. It was heartbreaking.

In February I was late again. I excitedly made my way to the store. This time I JUST had to be pregnant. I grabbed a handful of test. All came back negative, I cried so hard.

March came, and I was late again. I bought 2 test. They came back negative. I thought, maybe the test are wrong. I called my Doctor. She said, I was stressing myself out. And stress was probably the reason why I my period was late. She told me to try to relax. She said I would have to wait a year before they would test me to see if something wasn't right. But until then to have hope.

I kept thinking, "what is wrong with me?" I prayed harder than ever for a baby. I cried all the time. I couldn't see a baby at the store with out feeling empty inside. I couldn't walk past the baby section of the store without being heartbroken. It was all was a reminder that I was not pregnant.

April came and went. By May I figured it wasn't going to happen for me and started to come to terms with it. I was heartbroken but at least I was blessed already with one child. In June my mother in law asked if I would help her move her parents into a smaller apartment. So I spent most of my time in June with my mother in law, and grandmother in law, packing up their big house to move it into their apartment. It was a nice way to keep my mind off of not being pregnant. I was late again, but I figured it didn't mean anything. I didn't have the heart to take another test to see. In July I still didn't have my period. But I was convinced that I was not pregnant. It wasn't going to happen for me. Plus, I only had one more month to wait before the doctor would test to see what was wrong.

Late July my husband said, why don't we just buy a test to see. I didn't want to go through the heartbreak. But I bought a test anyway. I took the test, and sat it on the shelf. I told my husband to read it, in a few minutes. I knew it was going to tell me I was not pregnant. I would rather hear it from him, than read it myself.

I followed him to the bathroom. He picked up the test and said, "Your pregnant." I didn't believe it. I had to look for myself. I started screaming with Joy. My daughter was running all over the house yelling, "I'm SO EXCITED!"

My first pregnancy I was sick all the time. I had a hard induced labor, that lasted two days. My second pregnancy was so easy. I loved being pregnant. I had so much peace and happiness in my life. My daughter turned 5 years old, toward the end of my pregnancy. I ended up going a few days past my due date. My daughter said out of the blue one day, I think you are going to have the baby next Tuesday. And sure enough I went into labor on that Tuesday. My water broke and my labor lasted only 6 hours. The whole experience was peaceful and beautiful. I remember the first time they laid my baby boy on my chest, I cried, I was so happy and so thankful. I never thought this day would come.



Don't worry

My pregnancy happened, when I stopped worrying about it. At that time I figured it wasn't going to happen. I came to terms with it. My time was being occupied, and so I wasn't worrying about it.

If I just had the mind set from the beginning. I wonder how much sooner, I would have gotten pregnant. I put so much stress and pressure on myself. I honestly think, it was one of the main reason I wasn't getting pregnant.

I knows it's easier said than done but seriously don't worry about it. It will happen when it happens.

Don't overdo it.

If you over do it, you could actually deplete your husbands sperm count. But, don't under do it either, you don't want to miss out when you are ovulating. Doctors have said every other day during your ovulation time is best. You can find out when you are ovulating, by taking a ovulation test.


When trying to have a baby, studies have shown, missionary position is best. And than afterwards, lay on your back with your legs in the air for 20 minutes. This encourages the sperm to swim all the way to your egg. Every time I think of sperm swimming to the egg, it always reminds me of the movie with John Travolta and Kristi Alley, Look who's talking.

Get Healthy and Stay Healthy

The best thing for your body when you are trying to get pregnant is being in the healthiest state you can be. Light exercise, healthy eating, no smoking, no drinking, and take those prenatal vitamins. When you are healthy it is easier to get pregnant. And than by staying healthy throughout your pregnancy is best for your baby.


I know this is a tough time. Try not to stress. Don't blame yourself, Don't worry yourself. You are doing nothing wrong. If you do not succeed within a year talk to your doctor about your opitions and what they can do to help you along. I hope sharing my story with you, gives you faith that it can and will happen. If you ever need someone to talk to, who been through what your going through, email me until than, Stay amazing!


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