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Unregrettable Decisions

Updated on April 6, 2016

I never really dreamed of becoming a mother when I was younger. I always told my family and friends that children just were not in my plans. They just were not for me at all. I was going to grow up and accomplish many things. I didn’t believe I could be a mother because I never really had parents of my own growing up.

I always told my friends that I was not the mother type. Having grown up with basically a non-existant mother and no father for most of my life I didn’t know what a true family was like. I had to grow up somewhat quick because in our home it was mostly always just me and my brother at home. Not having the parental role models of most of my friends I was left without the knowledge of how to be a parent to another person.

In March of 2005, I gave birth to my first brown eyed baby girl and my whole world changed. She was born into the world at just 7lbs 12 ounces and 21 ½ inches long. She was beautiful and amazing in so many ways. She was an emergency birth, because when I went into labor with her there were complications with her heart slowing down each time I had contractions.

She spent three days after her birth in the NICU with heart problems. I came close to losing her once when her heart stopped completely at 2 days old but thanks to the quick thinking of the nurses she is here with us today. I beautiful and amazing 11-year-old girl. She has no idea how much her birth changed my life and my way of thinking. She is only the first among my little miracles of life that changed my world.

In December of 2006, her little brother joined us. He weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 3 ounces and was 20 inches long. He has taught me a lot throughout the years. He is my Christmas miracle and has been the one to teach me the most throughout the years. He was diagnosed at 2 years old with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He was not walking or talking on his second birthday. He did not talk until many years after his official diagnoses. With him, I have learned to be accepting of the things that I can not plan and I have learned to understand the things that are being taught to me with each new diagnoses that he receives.

In November of 2007, I welcomed my final daughter into the world. She weighed in at 8bs 3 ½ ounces and was just 19 inches long. She is my Thanksgiving baby, and although she was born the biggest of the three she is actually the smallest. You know how they say dynamite comes in little packages? Well, that is an understatement with her.

In December of 2008 a year after my youngest daughter was born I finally got up the courage to leave my husband. After being mentally and physically abused for quite a few years it was time to move on. With this decisions, I now was a single mother to three small children and my life was due to change once again. I had to learn how to care for the four of us and make sure we had everything we needed with worrying.

Being a single mother and caring for three small children was extremely hard in the beginning and things were only bound to get harder before they were to get better. I had to get a job, something of which I was not unfamiliar with because I had held numerous jobs as a teenager, but something that was may difficult all the same. I had to child care for my children and no one I could really turn to for help with them.

Finally, I broke down and asked my mother if she would watch the children while I worked. I learned quickly how to balance work and life at home with my kids. I was settled pretty good into a routine when in September of 2009 my world was turned upside down once again. That year I received the first medical diagnoses of my son. As I mentioned in an earlier paragraph he was diagnosed with Autism at age 2. He was not talking at all and could barely hold his balance when standing straight up. A typical day with him consisted of trying to keep him from walking on his tiptoes and actually use his feet.

Which was quite unsuccessful in many ways. My son throughout the years has received 5 medical diagnoses. He is diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, ODD and Speech Impairments with Sound and Light sensitivity. I have fought quite a battle to get him to where he is today. He did not start talking until he was 5 years old and before that it was feared that he would never talk.

However, in spite of all, I have been through I can stand here today and say I do not regret becoming a mother. I have three amazing and very special children. I have a beautiful 11-year-old daughter who has an amazing personality and a heart so huge I’m not sure how to contain her enthusiasm. You would never believe if you saw her that she suffers from depression, anxiety and is suicidal at just 10, but that is who she is and I love her all the same.

I also have an outstanding 9-year-old son who was blessed to enter my world at Christmas time and he is just as amazing as his older sister. You would never guess that he is on the Autism Spectrum, has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and he also suffers from light and sound sensitivities and did not speak a word for his first 5 years of life. But he is my whole world and I would not trade one day with him as he for one day without him.

Lastly, I was blessed with my Thanksgiving baby. My youngest daughter who is 8 years old and every bit as wonderful as she is small. When they say dynamite comes in small packages they were explaining my youngest. Although you would not guess it by looking at her, she too suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Asperger’s Syndrome.

They are my world and although I never imagined being a mother when I was young I would not change for one second the lives I have been blessed to watch over with my three amazing and wonderful children. God gives his hardest battles to his toughest warriors! That is what people tell me when I introduce my children and tell them about them. I was truly blessed when God gave me my children and they are my biggest reasons for returning to school.


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