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Just Wait Until your Young Daughters Become Difficult Teenagers

Updated on June 24, 2012

This comes from a discussion we had last night.

Daughters are great when they are little, but just wait until they are teenagers.

I have a huge problem with this. Mainly, because it ingrains a belief set that raising teenage daughters WILL be difficult. The more parents believe this, and anticipate the challenge, the more likely it is to come true.

I choose to believe that raising teenage daughters will be a joy. I have no fear of moods, sex, or difficult teens. I'm also not naive. I've seen very closely the joys of raising children as well as the intense sadness of a troubled child. And. I won't disagree that having a child with severe problems is devastating for parents. If we are faced with these problems we must do our best as parents. But, I don't think that's the norm.

I'm a strong believer in a positive outlook and setting expectations that our teenage daughters will be good people with sound morals, and that we will enjoy spending time with them throughout their life.

Do all teenage daughters become difficult

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    • profile image

      M Norman 

      6 years ago

      O yes i have 2 daughters and 2 step daughters and you're right when they were young they stold my heart and now at the teen level they are mean as hell and all they want to know is what we or their other relatives are going to buy for them next , in one way i have given in and try to just do what i am supposed to do as a providing parent and the other side i have waged war and will not be treated or more so let my wife be treated like a maid/slave todays kids don't have a clue what life was like for us over 40 year olds back in the day my parents would have wrung necks till the cows came home for half of what i have dealt with , on the other hand times are faster and more challenging and i try to see things from their side as well , most of me is ready to see them fly the coup and see what life is really all about so me and my wife can scrape off the stress and enjoy our life more . Girls are 10 times the hell as boys and there is nothing anyone can say to change my mind on that note , i have extensive experience i love my babies but wow how they can turn on you and let you have it just when you think you got em going the right direction and hats off to the very few out there that have respect and love their parents i dont think they are all ruff to raise but mine sure are , good luck girl raisers :)

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      so cute these broad assertions by moronic parents that don't even have teens yet...

    • profile image

      Mrs M 

      7 years ago

      Hello, I have a 14 year old daughter that I love very much. I know that she is going through the most difficult changes of her life and I am trying to be supportive but her bad attitude, lack of respect and disobedience are really getting into me. I do want to give up but I feel I am losing it. Please help

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I am a mum to two teenage girls, 13 and 15. I sometimes find it hard to be the brunt of my younger daughters dismissive attitude towards me. Although l know life goes on and my children will grow up, l miss the days when l was the best thing. i really try to respect my girls and also try to control my angry feelings when l am number one on their hit list. l love my girls, and l know they love me, and we share some beautiful moments as mother and daughters. It is at times extremely challenging, but remember that you as the adult, must try to remain in control (of your emotions) and not be drawn into their little criticisms and venting. You need to take stock of the situation and deal with things without it escalating. An argument is ok, as it is constructive, but if tis becomes a fight, then this is destructive and will not help either of you. Maintain respect, discipline and love, but also be willing to widen the boundaries and show empathy and listen to your daughters,

    • oddynma profile image


      7 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      Paul, I quite agree with you to a large extent. I don't have a daughter yet, though I'll soon have two - my expectation anyway. I have discovred that the things we fear the most eventually happen to us. Having a positive mental attitude about raising teenage girls helps parents prepare for the task ahead. Most parents are already defeated in their minds as to how to raise their teenage daughters even before the time comes. And when the time comes they become helpless because they now have what their expectation is. I believe the right approach is to ecpect the positive and do not leave things to chances with raising your teenage girl.

    • tlpoague profile image


      8 years ago from USA

      I am a mother of a girl who will be 18 in November. She has become one of my commedians because I believed in firm discipline when they (Her and her brother)were little. One time when she was little, I told her to pick up her room or I would throw away her stuff. A little bit later I was walking past her room and seen that she had full garbage bags randomly placed. I asked her what she was doing. She cheerfully told me that she didn't feel like cleaning her room so was going to throw the stuff away so she didn't have so much to pick up. Now at nearly 18 I ask her to go clean her room and she tells me it is her only private space in the house where she can express herself. I give her my "or else" look. Later, when I pass her room, it isn't perfect, but picked up. Gotta love them!

    • lakeerieartists profile image

      Paula Atwell 

      8 years ago from Cleveland, OH

      Paul, you are right and you are wrong in this argument. I have two teenage daughters. While they are still a joy in many ways, they ARE much more difficult than they were when they were younger. Sometimes my husband and I want to tear our hair out.

      However, I am very proud of my daughters, and I can tell that they are growing into young adults daily before my very eyes. It is almost like magic.

    • Paul Edmondson profile imageAUTHOR

      Paul Edmondson 

      8 years ago from Burlingame, CA

      I think it's important to be a parent first. This may mean that your child won't like you, but in the long run you have to believe they will if you do the right thing for their best interest. Teenagers are moody. Just watch them with their friends. One moment they aren't speaking and the next you can't get them apart.

      I don't think you have a choice, but to be a parent. You have to get on the same page with your wife and agree to a consistent plan and rules. I think this can be extremely challenging, but you and your wife have to give a consistent message. If you haven't already done this with your wife, you should sit down with her and compromise on how to handle the issues and then both go in solidarity.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      She is 14 , she is as arogant as they come , she is the centre of the world and nobody else matter , thats pretty much how my step daughter is . For the past 5 years I have been trying to be somebody who she would respect and have man presence in her life . Her mother became her "friend" little while ago , I didnt like that idea because I saw my step daughter taking advantage of her .Every time I tried to interfere in any matter I would end up looking like a fifth wheel or complete asshole because I didnt agree with my step daughter while my wife would take her side . So for a little while I have been watching this whole "friendship " from the side without saying a word , they were chatting , talking on FaceBook ,discussing boyfriends etc. until yesterday ...thats when my step daughter told her mother to and to suck her d..k , my wife lost it and smacked her few times after which her daughter left home and hasnt been back .What do I do now?

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I so agree with calabrese comment regarding methods of raising children. I made the big mistake of trying to be my teenage daughter's friend and I am now dealing with a disrespectful, obnoxious little jerk, who cannot see how self-centered she has become. Rules and guidance is a priority and friendship can happen in the later teens or early 20's. Avoid my mistake parents please!

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Many parents today are more concerned with being friends with their children than parenting...friendship comes later, they need parents NOW! which includes discipline, rules, limits and most definately respect! So many of us are worried about chattering our childs confidence that we have over compensated and ended up with rude, arrogant, and delusional young adults...they think the world is here to serve them... as did their parents! Parents take responsibility for your children and be sure they grow into responsible caring human beings, not assholes!

    • Linc2010 profile image


      10 years ago from Whiting, IN USA

      Great topic choice! Look at all the very thoughtful topics. *Bows to expert writer*

    • profile image

      Marissa Traison 

      10 years ago

      All I have to say is when my 12 year old daughter started her period it was right after that she started to date guys

    • profile image

      Niecy's Way 

      10 years ago

      I recall my teenage years with mixed feelings. As the saying goes,"These were the best of times and these were the worse of times." Everything is so serious and important at this stage. Lots of love, patience and understanding and you will survive!

    • byee profile image


      10 years ago

      I appreciate the thoughts. I know I put my parents through a hard time when I was a teen, but I understand now something my father used to tell me over and over: "Remember, teenagers think they are invincible." I ignored the advice back then, when I would stay out until dawn without calling to tell my parents where I was. Now I don't even want to go out of my house at night and walk down the street by myself! I can't even believe I used to stay out that late, many times driving or walking home alone. I believe teens will always experiment with dating, drinking, maybe drugs, but if you raised them with solid values and a good head on their shoulders, they should mature beautifully no matter how many mistakes they make.

    • amulets profile image


      10 years ago from Singapore

      You have to have a routine and a set of house rules. Reward for doing right and punish when doing wrong. Explain why she gets punished.

    • Pam Pounds profile image

      Pam Pounds 

      10 years ago from So Cal Girl in the Midwest!

      All comments well put - and I agree with each of them. I have two daughters who are now in their twenties - they always have, and always will be the loves of my life. Not to say that when the hormones kick in, there aren't some challenges.

      One of my girls went through a very tough stage at being angry with the world...I learned to ride it out by administering discipline in response to disrespect, but always letting her know that I loved her unconditionally, and she could count on me when the chips were down. We both got through this period with a closer relationship.

      My youngest girl (who lives at home), is still at an age when mom can be an occasional embarrassment in public, but she depends on me for so much more than the roof over her head and the hot meals. She seeks my opinion, approval, guidance and wisdom.

      While I treasured every single moment of my little girls' infant and toddlerhood, I wouldn't trade a second of the joy (although sometimes turbulent joy) that they continued to bring to my life as teenagers who eventually grew into incredibly wonderful young women.

      Continue to choose joy as your belief!

    • gredmondson profile image


      10 years ago from San Francisco, California

      Raising children can run the gamut from life's greatest pleasure and meaning to a heartbreaking nightmare. It is, however, a long journey, and it does not end . . . and it can change. The overwhelming love for a child that is set in the early years will carry most parents through most teen difficulties. (By the way, a step parent is one hundred times more likely to murder a step child than a parent is to murder his own child). I feel at ease and at peace with my adult children. When they were younger, and all in their beds years ago, I remember thinking that, really, no matter what else was happening in my life, all was well.

      My mother used to say that the happiest time of her life was when her children were small. I used to love coming home from work, and have the little children happy to see me.

      Oh, about raising children running the gamut from life's greatest pleasure and meaning to a heartbreaking nightmare -- the chances are much greater that it will be life's greatest pleasure and meaning.

    • MM Del Rosario profile image

      MM Del Rosario 

      10 years ago from NSW, Australia

      Hi Paul, I have a 15 year old daughter, she is such a sweet little girl when she was a toddler until her tween years, it started to change, her moods, views, her likes, her style, the way she talk...etc.... but I think it is apart of normal teenage life...

      What I enjoy most is that she talks to me about her views, her problems, her crushes......lots of issues that worries I am always updated of what is happening around her....

      I also come from a family of 4 girls ----- I know my parents have a fair share of this...

    • PlayaNorte profile image


      10 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      paul, make sure to update us in 10 years and let us know if you still think this way (coming from a family of all girls)


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