Waiting On Two Pink Lines

As a woman, who suffers from PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), it has become a private joke of mine that I should own stock in the home pregnancy test market. My body goes through all of the pregnancy motions, just no pregnancy. So I am constantly at odds with myself: do I test or don't I? I reluctantly test, and regularly, just to be sure. Now, infertility is not something to make light of, but when you are the one that suffers from infertility you eventually find peace with your diagnosis and come to a certain point in your journey where you have to humor yourself or you'll go crazy.

The first time I ever considered taking a pregnancy test was in April 2004. My "Captain America" was back home, permanently, from deployment and we were a few months in to our "making up for lost time". I remember not quite feeling like myself and briefly considered the idea of being pregnant; Having PCOS, I knew the chances were slim so I shut it out of my mind. Then I kept dreaming about it and just had to take the test. So I did, it was the longest 2 minutes of my life. Two pink lines and I was PREGNANT! I will never forget how excited my husband was. I was just in shock, something I was told wouldn't be possible was here, and. Such a dream come true.

Now, my experience with taking a test was purely based on wishful thinking. At that time I had not experienced any significant signs of being pregnant. So when do you test? According to womenshealth.gov you can take a pregnancy test on the first day of your missed period with almost 99% accuracy. But it's recommended that you follow up with your doctor for blood work to confirm.

Recently my friend was showing all the tell-tale signs of pregnancy. We'll call her "the Baker". She was reluctant to take a test, she was still working towards her fitness goals from having her second child and holding out for having that 3rd "bun in the oven" until #2 was potty trained. So while she waited for her results her emotions were all over the place. She loves children and I'm pretty sure if she could, she'd have as many children as the Duggar family. But she was really hoping for a negative this time because it didn't go along with her potty training plan. Her reasoning: "Because of my need to make a financial contribution to our family, my plan to cloth diaper all of my kids is compromised. I'm essentially working to pay for diapers and daycare. Daycare won't use the cloth diapers so Luvs it is. To have two children in diapers, it costs too much!" Her test results were negative but I have a feeling that there might be a pregnancy soon because #2 has finally starting doing the "#2" in the potty!

A family friend, "the Tree Hugger", feels that the right time to get pregnant is "Whenever it happens, it happens! We can plan all the live long day for it, but there's always another plan that comes into play. After my third miscarriage We stopped trying. We adopted and everyone kept telling us, once we were matched we would end up pregnant. That never happened. I'm meant to be a mother and I relish in that lovely feeling of having a life growing inside of me. But I also equally love the feeling of love for a child growing inside of me and the gift of that child from another woman's womb. To me, There is nothing more beautiful than motherhood. Period." It's been 4 years since she and her husband adopted and 2 weeks ago they welcomed into the world a beautiful new baby.

There are some couples who are career oriented and wait until a bit later in life to conceive. "Career Mom" said "I wanted to make good use of my degree first. Sure, I wanted to be a mom. More than anything. But here's the thing, I hear so many stories of women who go to college, get pregnant and then struggle to re-establish themselves in the workforce. I'm fierce. I'm talented. I want to make a statement and I want these people to want me in their company. I don't want to be looked at as 'just a mom'. It's unbelievable how many mothers feel like they aren't taken seriously in the executive world. I can take meetings from home someday; I could totally pull off the business on top and pj's on bottom and have my baby and puppy gnawing on the ears of my bunny slippers, in 10 years. Not now!"

Some women don't want to wait too long in between children. They want their little ones close in age. Much less, to they themselves want to be over a certain age to have children either. One of my friends found herself in this position 14 months ago. I think she went through every single emotion as we awaited the results of her pregnancy tests. Yes, tests. She peed on 6 and then peed on 6 more and had blood work to prove that she was going to be a mom over 30 and her kiddo was going to be 9 years older than the one she was carrying.

I look back on my own positive test and it's been 12 years and not a positive test since. I'm thankful for that one and always hopeful for another. These days, I don't get excited to take a test. The normal for me is one pink line, not two. I look back on the past and think about how there were times I wanted a baby so badly but it really just wasn't an ideal time and maybe it was for the best. Looking to the future, I'd sure love to see 2 pink lines again but there's a time for everything!