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Watching your child learn to read

Updated on November 5, 2010

My three boys

The one sitting in the tree, the red-jumpered one, and the one at the front, that is.
The one sitting in the tree, the red-jumpered one, and the one at the front, that is.

It's a terrible cliché to talk about a rollercoaster of emotions, but the phrase does fairly accurately describe a parent's thoughts and feelings when they're watching their child's progress at school.

At first we experience excitement.  Our precious angel, who is surely one of the cleverest children the school will ever have seen, is going to breeze through his Reception year and be top of the class despite being the youngest.  We are in no doubt about this: we were very good at reading, and our child will be too.

The excitement lasts for several weeks.  Homework comes home each Monday and we work together industriously, eager to master those letter shapes and to recognise those numbers up to twenty.  Everything is going to plan, and excitement settles down into relief.  We will certainly have nothing to worry about from our little genius.  Why, in no time at all he will be reading The Chronicles of Narnia, and be happily calculating the volume of water in any given vessel from the kitchen.  Pride, tremendous pride.  And every time someone asks how our first born is getting on at school we can quite truthfully say that he is doing very well.

But then something goes terribly wrong.  The work gets harder as we go into the next year, and our poor child is struggling.  Counting was all that was required in Reception.  Now the little brave souls are expected to deal with addition and subtraction.

Now we experience broken heartedness as our little guy experiences something akin to failure for the first time.  But we quickly swallow the lump in our throat, roll up our sleeves, and prepare to do some teaching.  We will take our responsibility seriously, and we will explain the rudiments of arithmetic to our disillusioned young one.

The next feeling is frustration.  Our tutoring is not working.  Our son is struggling, and he is crying, and he is unhappy because he is fully aware that he is not good at maths.  He has put up a wall, and nothing that has anything to do with numbers is going to get over that wall.  We are going to have to get a wrecking ball to that wall, without destroying the whole world.

This feeling of frustration lasts a long time.  Nothing seems to be helping.  Why can our child of five not add two small numbers together without having a tantrum and tears and a crisis of confidence?

Next we experience disappointment.  But let me emphasize - we are not disappointed in our child, we are disappointed in ourselves, for not being better teachers, and for not having enough patience, and for not being prepared enough.  If our child is not improving then we must be doing something wrong.  Other children in his class are reading War and Peace by now, and doing square roots in their heads.  We are letting our child down.  We must be, because school are telling us that he is below average and he is falling behind his classmates.

For a while we feel numbness.  We have tried everything, and nothing is making any kind of difference.  Our child is not as clever as we thought, and this is a shock.  We are going to have to take some time to adjust to this discovery.  We leave our child alone and allow him to enjoy a few weeks of rest from the spot quizzes over breakfast, tea and toothbrushing.  We do not listen to his reading for a whole month.

Enlightenment!  At this point, when we are seeing our wonderful son enjoy his childhood again, seeing him smile and laugh with his younger brothers over whatever silliness has just occurred, we remember that he is only five years old.  What child should be expected to read confidently and with expression at the age of five?  None.  Without doubt there are young geniuses who can read everything that is put in front of them from their first day of school.  But most cannot, and that is because they are not ready.  They become ready in their own time, not in the Government's.  (Alright, I won't get political today.  I'll save that for another Hub.)

Aha!  Our son is not ready.  Relief again.  The pressure has magically disappeared and we know exactly what needs to be done.  Nothing.  Don't misunderstand me, we do not use our newfound enlightenment as an excuse to be lazy.  Rather we use it as an excuse to use the time we have with our children for fun, instead of for torture.  We decide to let school do the teaching, as that's what it's for.  We return to what we were doing before school interrupted: answering questions, questions about the world, about animals, about space, about trains, about food, about people, about feelings, about our bodies and what various bits and pieces are for.  Certainly we continue to do homework every day as required, but we take off the pressure.  We enjoy a couple of years of play time.

Our precious boy, who has sparks of creative genius almost daily, but who lacks the ability to write his ideas down quickly enough, is now seven years old.  And something has just happened.  His brain has reached ready-ness.  He has taken an enormous leap, and he is reading chapter books (with hardly any pictures!)  He is also retaining his spellings, and he is reciting his ten-times-table, his fives and his twos.  Well, how did that happen?

What do we feel now?  Chagrin, I believe.  Some considerable regret at the times over the last three years when we have pushed and pushed and reduced our son to tears over his very difficult spellings.  Could we spell 'ambulance' at the age of six?  We very much doubt it, so why would we expect our son to?  Shame on us.  Shame on his teachers for ever giving him the label of 'below average'.  Shame on our education system for letting our children down, for pushing them too early, for wishing their childhoods away, for making them and us feel inadequate, for not making allowances for differences in ability and learning speeds.

After we have let go of this little bit of anger, we feel tremendous pride again.  Our child has made it through infant school undamaged.  He has learned some life lessons and he has developed a thick skin.  

Currently I am feeling an exultant joy.  I have been to my favourite bookshop today, and I have spent a long time browsing the Confident Reader shelves of the children's section.  My child is taking the first steps into a world that will change his life forever.  He is going to be a reader, and I could not be happier.  Of course, if he had turned out not to be interested in books I would not have loved him any the less.  But I would have been sad for him, because reading has always enriched my life so immeasurably.  But he is interested, and excited, and eager to improve quickly so that he can delve into my own collection of books from my childhood.  I have never liked lending my books to other people, because I am one of those queer beings who likes to keep their books pristine.  But I will not hesitate to hand over any book in my library to my children.

Soon my eldest will be joining me in Narnia, in Wonderland, in Neverland, and on Coniston for a spot of sailing and detective work.  I cannot wait for the conversations we will have from then on.  Not long now...

As for the maths?  Bah!  Who cares?  He'll either be naturally good at it, or not.  

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    • Lady Wordsmith profile image
      Author

      Linda Rawlinson 6 years ago from Lancaster, UK

      Mm-hmm Qwark, you don't need to tell me that, sir :) - I've only had him with me for about five minutes and he's practically old enough to leave home already!

      Oh thank you Alison. I'm glad you just told me about that regret, because I do go through those checkpoint things, and you're right, it does ruin the experience. Thomas tells me if he doesn't understand something he's read, and then we talk about it, and that's good enough for me. Crying over reading is a sure way to put them right off it!

      Thank you again, both :)

      Linda.

    • Alison Graham profile image

      Alison Graham 6 years ago from UK

      What a great hub, thanks so much for sharing - my greatest regret with my own son is that I did what the teachers said and made him go through the 'checkpoints' at the end of each chapter which absolutely ruined our shared reading experience. Go with your heart, you know your own child and reading together should be a shared joy, not a battle or a source of tears. Voted up and awesome!

    • qwark profile image

      qwark 6 years ago

      G'mornin' Lady:

      Enjoy him while ya got him!

      They grow up oh so fast! :):

      QWark

    • Lady Wordsmith profile image
      Author

      Linda Rawlinson 6 years ago from Lancaster, UK

      Thanks Qwark. That's great that your son has done so well :)

      My son has embarked on a journey with Arthur Ransome this week, and he chose 'Swallows and Amazons' for his next book. I think he's going to find it very difficult, but he's determined to read it, so that's wonderful. He's going to learn a lot from the experience. It's exciting :)

      Linda.

    • qwark profile image

      qwark 6 years ago

      G'mornin' Lady:

      Thanks for becoming a "follower!" :):

      I always read a "hub" of a new friend.

      I picked this one because I can relate to it.

      I was an avid reader in my youth.

      I spent many hours in the Denver library while other kids were playing.

      When my son was 6 and about to graduate to the 2nd grade, I got a call from the guidance counsellor. She told me he was having trouble reading but they were going to promote him anyway and he'd catch up in the 2nd grade.

      I enrolled him in a private reading school over the summer holidays.

      He entered 2nd grade reading at the 4th grade level...yayyy!

      He went on thru hi school with no problems and now has owned his own business for many years.

      I couldn't be a prouder "Dad."

      Ya wrote and interesting "hub."

      Qwark

      Oh, and he's a whiz at math...lol

    • Lady Wordsmith profile image
      Author

      Linda Rawlinson 7 years ago from Lancaster, UK

      That's heartening onegoodwoman, thanks :) It's true - some kids just don't respond to pressure. Some thrive on it of course, but they can't all learn in the same way. I'm glad I've realised that now, when my eldest is only 7. I feel like I've learned a valuable lesson in good time.

    • onegoodwoman profile image

      onegoodwoman 7 years ago from A small southern town

      It is difficult to see your child not reach milestones as quickly as their peers and especially their siblings.

      There was a time, my youngest one struggled learning to read. When I finally realized the pressure she was under and backed off, she took off like a rocket, surpassing both of her older sisters.

    • Lady Wordsmith profile image
      Author

      Linda Rawlinson 7 years ago from Lancaster, UK

      Not like me either! I used to have a fear that my kids would be as bad at maths as I am - but I've got rid of that fear now, because it's silly. If they're bad at maths, they'll just be good at something else, no problem.

      Ah books - one of life's most awesome pleasures.

      Thanks for commenting :)

    • INFJay profile image

      Jay Manriquez 7 years ago from Santa Rosa, California

      Love your post! Reminded me of the adventures my wife and I experience with our three children, now all in their 30s and have a love for books. They all have built extensive libraries on their favorite topics. And my youngest even developed a love for math, so not like me.