Motherhood Humour - What Do Real Mothers Really Do, & What Do They Really Know?
THIS IS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE GREAT MUMS, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO PLAN TO BE GREAT MUMS, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE GREAT MUMS AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAD GREAT MUMS...
So what do Mum's really do, and what do they really know?
- Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time
to make it.
- Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are
probably in the sandbox.
- Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum
just sucked up.
- Real Mothers will not doubt another real mother who
tells them that a king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 m2 house
to a depth of 10 cm. They will probably also write the information down for
future reference.
- Real Mothers will agree that if you spray hair
spray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades or a skateboard, they
can ignite.
- Real Mothers know that a 3-year old's voice is
louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
- Real Mothers will sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
- Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag carpets
- Real Mothers know that when you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
- Real Mothers will agree that the spin cycle on the
washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- Real Mothers will also agree however, that the spin
cycle does make cats and dogs dizzy.
- Real Mothers know many odd facts, for example that cats can throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- Real Mothers know that, as strange as it may seem, a boy who gets his finger caught in a mouse trap will not "learn from his mistake", and stay away from mouse traps from that day on. He will, in fact, continue to stalk any unsuspecting mouse traps until he manages to get the cheese out without getting his finger caught. unless all mousetraps are removed from the house instead.
- Real Mothers will also know that despite the problem of hurt fingers that is associated with mouse traps, they are in fact still safer than rat bait.
- Real Mothers will unfortunately probably also know that the managers of companies that make rat bait products which claim to contain a "taste deterrent" to make them safe for children, have obviously never had children of their own.
- Real Mothers know that you should not throw cricket
balls up when the ceiling fan is on.
- Real Mothers also know that when trying to use a
ceiling fan as a cricket bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit, but that when you do, the cricket ball goes a long way, fast.
- Real mothers will also confirm that the glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn't stop cricket balls hit by ceiling fans.
- Real Mothers will always wonder why, once again, they did not listen when their inner voice screamed at them "You DO NOT want to know what that smell is!"
- Real Mothers can tell you that certain Lego's will
pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.
- Real Mothers will tell you that Super
glue is forever.
- Real Mothers can tell you that no matter how many
jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
- Real Mothers also know that pool filters do not like jelly crystals.
- Real Mothers can tell you from experience that
VCR's do not eject 'BL&T' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
do...
- Real Mothers can vouch for the
fact that marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- Real Mothers can tell you that garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Nor do sheets. Nor do Umbrellas, and most importantly, neither do zipped-up sleeping bags.
- Real Mothers will nod knowingly when another mother
tells them that if you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 20 Kg boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape.
- Some real Mothers would respond to such a comment by helpfully explaining that fan motors ARE strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room when they have a tin of paint tied to them.
- Real Mothers know what the average response time is for their local fire department to respond to emergency calls.
- Real Mothers can tell you that six-year old Boy can
in fact start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year old Man had said that they can only
do it in the movies.
- Real Mothers know that Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
- Real Mothers always look in the oven before they
turn it on, because they know plastic toys do not like ovens, and that smoke
alarms hurt your ears.
- Real Mothers will tell you that brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
- Real Mothers who read this will be concerned that the men or boys in their house may also get to read it, which should explain why many will, as soon as they have finished reading it, immediately go out to their garage to find the brake fluid, and to the laundry to fetch the bleach, before they put both items into their digital safe and then change the combination so that only they can open the safe...
- This real Mother now has to run, because I had not, till now, thought of putting my brake fluid and bleach in the safe, and I am also growing concerned that the house has been so very quiet for the past 10 minutes. Oh dear, is that bleach I can smell? Brodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Please note: all persons, places and objects shown in the images in this hub are models and are shown for illustrative purposes only. They bear no relation to any real person or event.Unless otherwise credited, all images displayed in my hubs are under the following copyright: {Copyright (c) 2010 "safe-at-last" and Licensors Nodtronics Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.}
