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When Mothers Cry about Everything from Children to Bills
Education - When My Child Isn't Like the Rest, When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire
Surprise! Another Child is on the Way!
Just when you thought you could keep taking chances and not get pregnant then WHAM, reality hits you in the face! I'm Nicholl McGuire, mother of four sons and author of When Mothers Cry.
I had been mentally and physically tired of family life especially when things didn't work out in my marriage of almost eight years. I was visibly worn out, thin and the grays were increasing on my black head with each passing day. The last thing I had wanted after five years of chancing it (avoiding pills with side effects and spermicides) was another baby. But when my defenses were down and a new man came into my life, I had underestimated my fertility clock (one technique I used to prevent pregnancy for five years) and other old methods (abstinence) would fail on me. I was in my mid-thirties expecting a third baby and a little over a year later after that one, I would be impregnated again (while on a low-dose pill) with my fourth and final son.
So I share a little bit about my background to encourage someone out there who may be thinking, "Oh no I'm pregnant, now what?" For me, being in "the now" is what was keeping me going! In other words, don't change too much of anything if it isn't harming or hurting your body or relationship! That's right, I kept the man around even when I didn't always want to be in the relationship. I kept the job for as long as I could take it (which wasn't very long.) I talked with my ex and my other two children and I did the d*mn thing--I had my child despite the negativity all around me! Come hell or high water, I wasn't going to let anything get me down including an unexpected, unwanted pregnancy. The guilt of not having the baby would have been much too great for me. People said to me, "Oh she wanted it because if she didn't she would have..." Well "should of could of" was too late, I gradually cut the naysayers off (at least until after the baby shower -lol)! I wasn't calling anyone up for a handout or advice. If someone loved me like they claimed, they weren't going to judge me and ride me about the mistakes I made both past and present. The ones who loved me (even a little bit) weren't looking for anything from me, but an occasional phone call or email, because they knew that was all I or they could give. However, the ones that were truly in my corner, I need not say or do much, they just heard through the grapevine about pregnancies and were there in person or elsewhere without judgment. Whether they saw me in the hospital, sent a card and money in the mail, or met me after the baby was born to catch up (mind you bringing a gift with them.)
Having a baby was my responsibility and I did what I had to do. I worked from home doing a little bit of everything while asking the man to help me out (why not, he helped create the baby,) you can read about some of what I did here for extra cash. The storms came and went. One such storm was when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes with babies three and four. I talk about how I had to eat healthy while pregnant on this audio, please check it out.
Whatever your choice, just know that you have a Creator that made you, this earth, the sky, the trees, and most of all the one inside of you, HE will make a way if only you trust in a higher power greater than yourself. The road won't be easy, but he won't put no more on you than you can bear--some of us can take alot, more than we think, so do be encouraged!
Depressed? Wondering if you can still be a good mom?
Mothers have their good and bad days just like anyone else. However,
what if you are a mom who secretly feels like you will never get better
or you just can''t seem to do right by your husband, family, co-workers,
and others -- what then? Do you call everyone you know about your
problems? Load up on medications? Turn into a religious
freak? Although all of these statements are a bit extreme, there are
women who do just that! They go above and beyond seeking help for themselves
to the point that all the help drives them mad! If this is you, stop!
Take a pause for a moment and deliver yourself from people, places, and
things that are beginning to make you feel crazy with all their tips.
Sometimes all mothers need is what I like to tell my children they need from time-to-time a "do nothing" time. That's right, do nothing! Give yourself permission to do nothing! Whenever the opportunity arises to say goodbye to the children, your partner, and opt out of duties -- do it! As you and I know free time doesn't come often, so take advantage of it while you can! You may need to pre-announce your "do nothing" time to those who may be affected by your inaction. What you say and how you say it I will leave all up to you! But whatever you do, do nothing!
I hope this helps some of you mothers who are having a stretch of "bad luck" as some will say in your life. It's okay to feel bad once in a while just remember that it's your choice when you want to feel good again and how long you stay that way rests on your shoulders and no one else! We are responsible for our own happiness! We must make up in our minds how long we are going to feel frustrated, depressed, bitter, angry, and whatever else concerning our motherhood issues.
Distant Daughters, Troubled Mothers - No Contact
About the book: When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire
Deep down inside of every mother there are angry cries. The type of cries that sometimes mothers can’t put into words, the pain is just too much to bear! You may be a mother secretly crying about one or all of the following issues: upset because you never wanted children, outraged that your God who says he loves you took yours from you, overwhelmed with grief because you were never respected by family or friends for your role, frustrated because other mothers can’t and won’t bother to understand you, and most of all bitter because your own mother failed you!
In my book, When Mothers Cry, written by Nicholl McGuire, I am a mother of four, providing stories and solutions to help mothers dry their tears about the issues that no one seems to understand. What can a partner do at times but nod his head, stare, or try to quiet a crying mother by rubbing her back?
From the challenge of accepting motherhood to the struggle of being apart from your children, I share some of my own obstacles I had to face both mentally and physically with being a mother while giving a voice to the mothers who are too prideful to pen their burdens or unfortunately now deceased because of so much heartache. I provide wisdom from the mothers who have went to their graves, still crying in a chapter of my book entitled, “What would a deceased mother say to you?”
Mothers everywhere, young and old, rich and poor, will be able to relate to the unexpected, unanticipated, and unwanted surprises of motherhood that are presented in my book. When Mothers Cry provides practical solutions on how you can find the strength to dry your own tears just as other mothers have done!
I am the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and afreelance writer and poet often contributing to various Internet websites.
What's Making You Cry These Days?
A Special Message for Frustrated Moms
You are supposed to automatically love your children, at least that is what society thinks. You are expected to be an attentive, loving spouse. You are trained from childhood to anticipate being a wife and mother. You are told that there is someone out there for you that will love and cherish you. You spent years educating yourself. But what happens? You arrive at the future only to find that you are spending free time wiping butts, taking out poopy diapers and arguing with a partner about this issue and that one. They tell you to appreciate what God has given you. You say you do, but secretly, if you could trade your life for something else you would.
"It isn't easy," my grandmother who was a mother of six told me. She came from a family of 20 (18 were children and then her parents). Her upbringing was every bit impoverished. Raised on a farm, everyone had to work starting very young. Unfortunately, her mother died when she was 13. I could only imagine what she could have been thinking when she died.
Motherhood isn't about playing with dolls and putting them to bed when you are tired of handling them. Like dolls, the children usually just look at you. "Thank you" is a luxury statement for both your partner and children and it is usually only dispensed unless they absolutely like something so much that they could kiss you for it.
You sacrificed a lot, mom, and sometimes all you want is a break -- an escape, but there is usually someone telling you, "It's not that bad." Whether it is your spouse who is there by your side or the caretaker who watches your children (if you are lucky enough to have one). Since you have no one else besides yourself, you find yourself at times angry for no apparent reason.
Why couldn't your life have been more than just this?! You might think. When you look in the mirror, a mother is all you see nowadays. Well I am hear to tell you, that you are more than a mother! You were a woman before anyone put an idea in your head about being someone's wife or mother. YOU ARE STILL A WOMAN!
Why do we forget something so crucial to our very existence -- womanhood! It is what awakes us each day and motivates us to keep going long after children leave the nest. If we don't get in touch and stay in touch with that name on our birth certificates, rather than the name those little ones call us or strangers address us as like Ms. or Mrs., we will collapse emotionally and/or physically from that burning anger and deep regret that likes to visit us every now and then and stay for long periods. We will most likely die from all the stress, bitterness, regret, and deep rooted anger if we don't get a grip on what is truly bothering us. Are there better ways to deal with our issues? Sure. But sometimes we have to seek in order to find.
Could we have aborted? Yes, but we didn't. Could we have divorced and gave him the children? Yes, but we didn't (at least for a time for some of us until we couldn't handle being married any longer). Could we have closed off the door to our children's father and left the children behind without ever looking back again? Yes, but we didn't. We are still standing and if it wasn't for motherhood giving us legs to stand, we would have never been deemed strong women by those who know us!
I want you to buy my book, When Mothers Cry and visit my blog: whenmotherscry.blogspot.com. Please read it cover-to-cover if you are that one who feels all alone in your motherhood journey. I want you to experience the peace I felt while I wrote it--I became delivered from a lot of grief that I didn't even know I had as it related to motherhood. I have been in so many motherhood positions in my young life and didn't realize until I wrote the book why I was disappointed often for having got pregnant each time even though I had some assistance.
I was in a step-mother's role once. I had a few mother-in-laws. I was a new mother four times. I was a single mother between a few break ups to make ups. I was a working mother and head of the household at one time. I am a live-in mother (stay-at-home mother) to two and a distant mother to two more. I have a six year college education and took courses in various subjects including: family, psychology, journalism, and business. So I am no fool to this thing we call "motherhood." A thing that will kill us if we don't get a handle on our emotions. A thing, or shall I say a special privilege --depending on who you ask, that will eventually kill us and we won't be around for anyone to call us mother if we choose to pretend that we can be all things to everyone.
The women who I dedicated When Mothers Cry to, most didn't outlive their partners and didn't make it to old age. They were grieved when they died due to a variety issues including breakups with men they could never get over and children who were never satisfied.
So what can one do today to bring peace into their spirit about motherhood? Change the way she thinks. See your life right now as nothing more than a bridge to get you where you know you are destined to be. It won't be easy crossing a bridge through the rain, wind, sleet and hail, but it will be worth it in the end! Somehow someway, you will make it. You were called to be a mother whether you chose the role or not, so keep performing until your role comes naturally. Just think, one day you won't be able to perform anymore, so you might as well live your best life now.
Tips for the Novice Parent and the Veteran who forgot...
When Mothers Cry Author Nicholl McGuire Speaks with Radio Talk Show Host About Book
Do You Have a Spoiled Brat?
The Bible says we shouldn't spare the rod, but we do. Why inflict pain on a child when they have two ears, right? Why make them cry any more than they need to? Why make them hurt inside for possibly a lifetime? We make up any excuse, don't we.
We explain away all the reasons why we shouldn't hit our children, but yet the temptation to give them a good whack haunts us so much that sometimes one's hands tremble thinking about it. A little voice goes off in the parent's head, "Remember what happened to you?" So Scotty gets off again and his sister Jane looks at you with such pain in her eyes because she is getting tired of being abused by her brother.
Do our children become spoiled, because we have spared the rod so much? Is this why the kids don't sit down when we want, don't behave in the store aisles often, act like fools when we least expect it, cause strife between ourselves and partners, and become so annoying to the point that grandparents, neighbors and friends say, "I'm sorry I can't watch your child."
You may have tried the time out technique, took toys away, and even gave the children a lecture up one side of their back and back down again, but nothing works. Experts warn that if we are inconsistent in our teaching then we will get inconsistent results. I guess its back to the drawing board for many of us.
My sons, at times, can act like real spoiled brats mainly with their father and its upsetting to me. When I observed their dad one day tending to the children, I noticed that he was catering to their every need. He is the kind of parent that will put you on hold, so that he can answer his son's question. The type of parent who makes excuses for why he gives the children candy, lets them watch boxing, and does other things that you and I know is nothing more than a problem in the making for the teacher that will one day have to teach them. I haven't quite figured dad out yet, and I don't think I ever will. He is a nice dad, too nice.
I have found some things that do work for me when disciplining the children especially when you realize that lately you have been a bit too lenient on your children. Just remember everyday you get a chance to do over what you messed up, so take all this parenting stuff in stride including those days when you did smack a butt or two, cussed and threatened to leave the family home.
One thing I do is take toys away as soon as the argument starts. I have also been known to do a massive overhaul of the room including removing beds. This way it gets the crying over with and cuts down on siblings arguing with one another about the particular toy until they find something else to fight about. I also incorporated the time out, but it only works when you are consistent with it and I admit I don't always think about it. Lastly, I have been known to cut off lights and send children to bed no matter what time it is. Even though they aren't sleeping usually, it gives me a chance to catch my breath. I don't usually let them sleep if it is getting close to bedtime. Once you have completed whatever task you needed to get done, go back and check on them; otherwise they will fall asleep and you will have a hard time trying to get them to bed at their normal time.
For more tips like this, click on the following link: http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com/
When Your Own Mother, Grandmother Makes You Cry...
You don't expect that you will ever be put in a position where you just might have to go low or no contact with your mother, stepmother, in-law, or other relative. But when life gets you down at times, you just can't take another story, comment, or nasty attitude from someone. You realize that it's time to do some things different. So you might establish boundaries, continue to smile and swallow whatever the mother is dishing out that day, or vent to a spouse and/or children.
As much as we would like to think that the woman or women in our lives who wear titles will always respect, love and appreciate us, that is not the case for many sons and daughters. So when I wrote Tell Me Mother You're Sorry I validated those who just wanted someone to understand the complex relationship they had or didn't have with a toxic mother. I also share personal experiences, provide tips, and other useful information.
Don't struggle with issues related to honoring thy mother, get the book and be mentally, physically and financially free from a mentally troubled woman today! See here.
© 2010 Nicholl McGuire