ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

When the Bond of Marriage is Broken

Updated on September 11, 2017
Kristin Shay profile image

My name is Kristin Shay and I am a mother of three teenagers and a wife of a Retired Disabled American Veteran.

Marriage is a bond that God created between a man and a woman, he designed marriage to be a lasting covenant and make two fleshes into oneGenesis 2:24). I was raised in a home where marriage has a long history, my parents have been married for 46 years, my grandparents were married for 55 plus until death separated them. On my father’s side, there were multiple people that were married many years until death parted them. My sister and her husband have been married for 24 years and my husband and I have been married 18 years. I value marriage a great deal. My marriage has not been perfect, quite the opposite. My marriage has been riddled with adultery and separation, but I refuse to give up.

What happens when the bonds of marriage are tainted with adultery? Depend on how strong your relationship with God is and how strong your love is for your spouse? There is no wrong or right way to deal with adultery; it’s just like a death in the family, everyone deals with it in their own way. This happened to me several years back, my husband was being unfaithful and I was devastated. I was lost to what to do, it was one of the most difficult times in life.

Looking back now, I see it more clearly than I did then. Deep down I knew something was wrong, but I put in the back of my mind and tried to not think about it. I was still in college and I did not have a job, I only substituted as a teacher. I had three children, and at the time they were still young. What was I going to do, so I acted as if there was nothing wrong. Until that dreadful day that God threw a brick at me and made me wake up. It was January 2, 2012, what a way to start the new year. I could no longer pretend that there was nothing wrong, the love of my life was sleeping with another. I was

heartbroken. In the weeks to come, I did nothing but cry I was not any good to anyone. The kids and I went to stay at my mom's for a while, and all I remember is doing is crying a lot. I could not sleep cause when I closed my eyes I saw my husband with her. I blamed myself, told myself I was a horrible wife that is why this happened. Rethinking everything in our relationship, did I complain too much, did I not clean the house like I should? I knew I was a bad cook but did all this cause him to not love me anymore? What did I do wrong? This was the cycle I was in, I believe this lasted a while then one day I woke up and realized, it was not me, it was him.

This experience led me closer to God, I had fallen away a little and this was his way of drawing me in closer again. Why does God have to be so dramatic, because if he isn’t we will not listen? I believe he gave me subtle hints in my husband's behavior, but I ignored them. Finally, he gave me something I could not ignore. As I began my journey, I began to realize that I could not fix my marriage until I fixed me. I prayed a lot, I prayed for my marriage, my kids and my salvation. As time passed I felt I was getting closer once again to my heavenly Father. Did my marriage become whole automatically, um no? I was still separated from my husband, and he was still with her, but remember I could not fix my marriage until I fixed me, I continued to pray. I never gave up.

I dedicated my time to my children and church and began rebuilding a life without my husband, in hopes that he would rejoin our family. Eventually, he did, but that is a whole different story. One day I will tell that one.

What does God say about adultery? Well Obviously adultery is a sin, however, history has been filled with infidelity. Looking back all the way to the Bible, there was David and Bathsheba. David spotted Bathsheba one morning and asked about her, he was told her name was Bathsheba and that she was married to Uriah, a soldier. David did not let this bother him or stand in his way. He sent for her to come to him. When Bathsheba became pregnant with David’s child he panics and tried to cover up the sin (2 Samuel 11), the problem is you cannot hide from God. That has been known since Adam and Eve, after eating the forbidden fruit they covered tier bodies and hid from their wrongdoing Genesis 3:8). Just like with Adam and Eve, God knew what David had done and he was not pleased. In the end, God forgave them all, but not without consequences. There are always consequences to every action taken.

In the bible, the book of Hosea is filled with adultery. Hosea’s wife, Gomer was a promiscuous woman, she had multiple affairs and each time Hosea was commanded by God to bring her back. Many believe this is a correlation to the love that God has for Israel, no matter how many times they walk away from God, he still loves them and will always welcome them back (Hosea 3:11).

I am not in any way saying I condone what my husband did, I am still hurt by it and there are still trust issues. Even though we are together again, the heart will still have scars and they do not heal. They are visible reminders of the hurt, as long as we trust God we will be alright.

Keep faith, pray for your marriage everyday, and remember do not let man separate what God has designed (Mark 10:9).

© 2017 Kristin Shay


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      9 months ago

      "Deep down I knew something was wrong, but I put in the back of my mind and tried to not think about it. I was still in college and I did not have a job, I only substituted as a teacher.

      I had three children, and at the time they were still young. What was I going to do..."

      It's been reported that 66% or 2/3rds of all divorce filings in the U.S. are initiated by (women). It has also been speculated that better career and income opportunities for women may be the reason why divorce rates are higher than in other eras.

      The more options one has the less crap they will put up with!

      Had you not had any children and been earning $50k-100k per year you probably would not have ignored the "red flags".

      There is no such thing as an universal "deal breaker". Some people will stay in marriages no matter what is going on be it verbal/physical abuse, infidelity, criminal behavior, drug/alcohol addiction. They'll say it's because of God.

      1. God does not play cupid. 2. Human beings make mistakes!

      I suspect if he did the divorce rate wouldn't be near 50%.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our boundaries and "deal breakers".

      There's also a big difference between {life} and the hypothetical.

      Countless women will say if a man cheats on them it's over! And yet so many women have been cheated on multiple times by their man and have chosen to stay; Jackie Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, and Spencer Tracy's wife just to name a few. Maybe these women separate love from sex.

      Before any reconciliation could take place in my mind we'd have to uncover the motivation or reason why the cheating took place, the lessons that were learned, and why if put in the same situation why it would not happen again.

      Ultimately someone has to have "changed" dramatically. Otherwise it's just a matter of time until the issue arises again.

    • Kristin Shay profile imageAUTHOR

      Kristin Shay 

      14 months ago from Illinois

      Thank you Eric, this has not been easy for me. I struggle every day to trust him. God has got me through this and we work everyday on our marriage.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      14 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      That is a very interesting story. Perhaps too common these days.

      My wife prays to hard and often for our marriage. God won't even let me imagine another woman. And I am not an easy man to love.

      I hope others read this and learn from your wonderful approach.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)