- Family and Parenting
Would You Accept your Child After Committing a Crime
Family Issues often get in the Way
Children have their own thoughts and feel different about their lives.
As children grow older, they want to explore and try different things.
Would you forgive that child for his or her bad behavior?
The child could be your own, or an adopted child.
I ask this question due to a true story about a family who had forgiven and have accepted their adoptive son after murdering his young wife.
It was a tragic incident and the plot was planned for a while.
A couple were not able to have kids of their own. They adopted a baby boy and at the time of the adoption , the boy was a nine month old chubby baby.
His biological mother claimed she had cancer and could no longer take care of her child.
The couple was very happy to have this child as their own and treated him well.
Both parents were employed and had to work long hours to get their new business up and in progress.
The child stayed with family.
The new parents did not know how to raise a child in this family. The child lacked the love he really needed from his adoptive parents, and from his biological parents. That made his life feel cold and less loved.
As a baby he needed to feel warmth from his parents after all it starts with mother love and protection to keep any baby feeling safe and connected.
The adoptive mother did not care much for this child she abused him for littlest of act.
One day the child broke the stem of her indoor plant.
She did not only spank the child she belted him and he sobbed for hours after the horrible experience.
A child at that age does not know how to be in his new surroundings it was up to the mother to take care of him and love him but in that case that did not happen.
The school years were well-achieved and he showed great results. There was no problem with having a good education.
However, he still felt a complete stranger with his adoptive family.
The lack of parental care made him feel alone. He did not have much of interest in going ahead to college.
During his teen years and adult years he did not have friendships with others in his age group, and the idea of being alone was best for him.
He worked temporarily and did not earn much and his adoptive dad enjoyed being with him but would often degrade conversations held between them.
The boy felt sad and did not know how to project himself around his adoptive family.
Whatever the teenager improved on himself was not good enough for his adoptive parents.
They were very hard to please.
Happy times and a normal family life was not in this family that made him feel out of place and most insecure. Alone in his growing up years he developed a low self-esteem, and felt like a burden to this family.
At the age of eighteen he met someone who he knew then would love him and be there for him.
His life was in a mess with so many family issues that dating for him was not the most exciting part of his life.
In meeting the girl from next door changed his life. He had someone to share his life with, that someone he could count on rather than having to hear all the criticism from his adoptive family.
The adoptive parents were not impressed by their son starting his life at such a young with a girlfriend. They did not approve of his decisions.
Be it working temporarily or dating someone.
Their idea was for the son to help out with the business and further his studying as an Engineer to have a worthy career but their son had other plans in mind.
After a while gossip spread that the girl was pregnant in her teenage years this was not supposed to be, and the adoptive family was even more upset with the adoptive boy.
The family did not show the boy love and attention only criticized him or showed dominance toward him. Whenever they had the chance to be together it was about harsh conversations and mostly disagreements that lead to many aggressive arguments.
Though the rest of the family was so not for the adoptive boy the adoptive dad made his only son part of his Will.
Little did the adoptive dad know how everything would change before his son reached twenty one to claim his inheritance.
Josh(not the real name) married his pregnant girlfriend and they had a daughter all was going okay. He was an over possessive husband and did not trust his wife. He started using alcohol more and more and he became abusive toward his wife while drunk and not in his correct mind.
On many occasions when I met the couple Josh was frustrated and drunk even more and the problems deteriorated in his marriage.
I could see their marriage was going downhill but did not advise him. I felt it was not my place to mention what I knew would eventually be but murder was not on my mind that shocked us all.
The problem went deeper Josh's wife was having an affair with someone from the family something nobody ever thought of would ever be.
The thought was on Josh’s mind that his wife was having an affair but had to see it with his own eyes.
One day after a rally event Josh saw his wife kissing her lover they were finally caught on the act.
After seeing his wife with her lover he remained quiet about the incident and put his plan in motion a day later.
He sent his daughter to stay with her granny and had to get over this hurt in the way he knew would work for him.
He asked his wife to stay with him after the family went off to their families.
Alcohol released pain and helped him feel good he used drugs and alcohol that evening and made himself feel numbed from all that hurt he felt inside.
He murdered his wife and left her in the most inappropriate way and pretended a robber burgled the house and did not know what had happened.
It was devastating to everyone but most of all to his adoptive parents especially, his dad.
He was in prison for a few years and now out on parole. His adoptive dad had forgiven him and accepted his son back in his life.
The Will has not been changed.
The major problem here is no love shared, poor parenting skills, and lack of attention, and communication, and the adoptive parents are less-educated in raising a child.
In many cases children do go astray adoptive or not this happens but usually with bad parenting skills. Children run away from home and with no discipline so whatever comes to mind is tried or attempted. Most parents don't listen to their children and don't spend time with their children to know what is wrong or of what is required in their lives.
When a child is not shown love he or she feels unwanted, lonely, and rigid.
Abusive experiences during childhood leads to poor adulthood experiences making children feel the blame for their actions.
Parents should pay attention to their children and be the greater part of their lives. Nothing can be right in a child's life if they don't have their parents as part of their lives.
The role of a parent is to show good and secure moments ignoring that would make a child feel lost within them.
Without a parent the child has no map of their lives, no achievement or goal to look forward to. Parents are there to motivate, to guide and to love their children through all times.
Would you accept your child after committing a crime?
Forgive and Acceptance go hand-in-hand
Would you Accept your Child after Committing a Crime?
© 2014 Devika Primić