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Would You Accept your Child After Committing a Crime

Updated on October 20, 2016
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I learned about making sheep's wool during my stay in South Africa. An interesting process to oversee.

Dysfunctional Families

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Family Issues often get in the Way

Children have their own thoughts and feel different about their lives.

As children grow older, they want to explore and try different things.

  • Would you forgive that child for his or her bad behavior?

The child could be your own, or an adopted child.

I ask this question due to a true story about a family who had forgiven and have accepted their adoptive son after murdering his young wife.

It was a tragic incident and the plot was planned for a while.

A couple were not able to have kids of their own. They adopted a baby boy and at the time of the adoption , the boy was a nine month old chubby baby.

His biological mother claimed she had cancer and could no longer take care of her child.

The couple was very happy to have this child as their own and treated him well.

Both parents were employed and had to work long hours to get their new business up and in progress.

The child stayed with family.

The new parents did not know how to raise a child in this family. The child lacked the love he really needed from his adoptive parents, and from his biological parents. That made his life feel cold and less loved.

As a baby he needed to feel warmth from his parents after all it starts with mother love and protection to keep any baby feeling safe and connected.

The adoptive mother did not care much for this child she abused him for littlest of act.

  • For example:

One day the child broke the stem of her indoor plant.

She did not only spank the child she belted him and he sobbed for hours after the horrible experience.

A child at that age does not know how to be in his new surroundings it was up to the mother to take care of him and love him but in that case that did not happen.

The school years were well-achieved and he showed great results. There was no problem with having a good education.

However, he still felt a complete stranger with his adoptive family.

The lack of parental care made him feel alone. He did not have much of interest in going ahead to college.

During his teen years and adult years he did not have friendships with others in his age group, and the idea of being alone was best for him.

He worked temporarily and did not earn much and his adoptive dad enjoyed being with him but would often degrade conversations held between them.

The boy felt sad and did not know how to project himself around his adoptive family.

Whatever the teenager improved on himself was not good enough for his adoptive parents.

They were very hard to please.

Happy times and a normal family life was not in this family that made him feel out of place and most insecure. Alone in his growing up years he developed a low self-esteem, and felt like a burden to this family.

At the age of eighteen he met someone who he knew then would love him and be there for him.

His life was in a mess with so many family issues that dating for him was not the most exciting part of his life.

In meeting the girl from next door changed his life. He had someone to share his life with, that someone he could count on rather than having to hear all the criticism from his adoptive family.

The adoptive parents were not impressed by their son starting his life at such a young with a girlfriend. They did not approve of his decisions.

Be it working temporarily or dating someone.

Their idea was for the son to help out with the business and further his studying as an Engineer to have a worthy career but their son had other plans in mind.

After a while gossip spread that the girl was pregnant in her teenage years this was not supposed to be, and the adoptive family was even more upset with the adoptive boy.

The family did not show the boy love and attention only criticized him or showed dominance toward him. Whenever they had the chance to be together it was about harsh conversations and mostly disagreements that lead to many aggressive arguments.

Though the rest of the family was so not for the adoptive boy the adoptive dad made his only son part of his Will.

Little did the adoptive dad know how everything would change before his son reached twenty one to claim his inheritance.

Josh(not the real name) married his pregnant girlfriend and they had a daughter all was going okay. He was an over possessive husband and did not trust his wife. He started using alcohol more and more and he became abusive toward his wife while drunk and not in his correct mind.

On many occasions when I met the couple Josh was frustrated and drunk even more and the problems deteriorated in his marriage.

I could see their marriage was going downhill but did not advise him. I felt it was not my place to mention what I knew would eventually be but murder was not on my mind that shocked us all.

The problem went deeper Josh's wife was having an affair with someone from the family something nobody ever thought of would ever be.

The thought was on Josh’s mind that his wife was having an affair but had to see it with his own eyes.

One day after a rally event Josh saw his wife kissing her lover they were finally caught on the act.

After seeing his wife with her lover he remained quiet about the incident and put his plan in motion a day later.

He sent his daughter to stay with her granny and had to get over this hurt in the way he knew would work for him.

He asked his wife to stay with him after the family went off to their families.

Alcohol released pain and helped him feel good he used drugs and alcohol that evening and made himself feel numbed from all that hurt he felt inside.

He murdered his wife and left her in the most inappropriate way and pretended a robber burgled the house and did not know what had happened.

It was devastating to everyone but most of all to his adoptive parents especially, his dad.

He was in prison for a few years and now out on parole. His adoptive dad had forgiven him and accepted his son back in his life.

The Will has not been changed.

The major problem here is no love shared, poor parenting skills, and lack of attention, and communication, and the adoptive parents are less-educated in raising a child.

In many cases children do go astray adoptive or not this happens but usually with bad parenting skills. Children run away from home and with no discipline so whatever comes to mind is tried or attempted. Most parents don't listen to their children and don't spend time with their children to know what is wrong or of what is required in their lives.

When a child is not shown love he or she feels unwanted, lonely, and rigid.

Abusive experiences during childhood leads to poor adulthood experiences making children feel the blame for their actions.

Parents should pay attention to their children and be the greater part of their lives. Nothing can be right in a child's life if they don't have their parents as part of their lives.

The role of a parent is to show good and secure moments ignoring that would make a child feel lost within them.

Without a parent the child has no map of their lives, no achievement or goal to look forward to. Parents are there to motivate, to guide and to love their children through all times.

Would you accept your child after committing a crime?

Broken Families

Forgive and Acceptance go hand-in-hand

Would you Accept your Child after Committing a Crime?

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Child acceptance

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© 2014 Devika Primić

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    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello Suzanne so kind of you to comment on my hub thank you for the vote useful have a lovely day

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 3 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      Murder is pretty unforgivable, yet a little petty thievery with teenagers is to be expected as you train them out of it. Voted useful!

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      thumbi7 interesting answer not every parent will think the same thank you for sharing your thoughts on ''Would You Accept your Child After Committing a Crime?''

    • thumbi7 profile image

      JR Krishna 3 years ago from India

      I forgive my children for the small mistakes they do. Seriously I am not sure about myself if they commit some big crimes. I pray that I don't have to face such a situation

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Mel thank you for commenting on my hub Would You Accept your Child After Committing a Crime, I so agree with you.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 3 years ago from San Diego California

      Who wouldn't accept their child after a crime? It does not mean you approve of the act the child has committed, it simply means that your love for your child knows no bounds. I think a loving parent would even hide their child if they had committed a criminal act, even at risk to themselves. Very thought provoking hub.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      pstraubie48 so agree thank you for sharing your thoughts here always appreciated.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Thelma it is a horrible story and the adoptive parents forgave their adoptive son the one any only thank you for sharing your comment here my best to you.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 3 years ago from sunny Florida

      Hi You know I have to say yes, I would. I let my child know I was disappointed unhappy and did not approve of the act but I would still be there for her.

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 3 years ago from Germany

      What a horrible story! Yes, of course I will forgive but I have to think what I done or not done to have a killer son. What´s wrong with my upbringing, etc... ? Thanks for sharing the story. Happy weekend!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourisAnyway dysfunctional families are often troublesome forgiveness is so important and accepting your child is another way of showing him you still love him thank you for commenting.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourisAnyway dysfunctional families are often troublesome forgiveness is so important and accepting your child is another way of showing him you still love him thank you for commenting.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      I'd love him yes, but I sure wouldn't feel very comfortable around anyone -- relative or not -- who committed premeditated murder. This is especially the case if there is a potential motive dangling out there to possibly repeat the behavior, as in a large sum of money in a parent's will with that child as sole beneficiary. And what is the son teaching his own child by example? Oh, the cycles of dysfunction.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      D.A.L thank you for vote up useful and interesting I am grateful to you for making an effort to stop by at my hubs A powerful question indeed.

    • D.A.L. profile image

      Dave 3 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      Would You Accept Your Child After Committing A Crime wow what a powerful hub. there is of course degrees of crime and some are much more forgivable than others. Even if you could except a child for the crime of Murder could you ever feel the same again ? You would always love your child, but could you like him/her after such a crime ?. Great work. Voted up, useful, interesting.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Faith thank you for vote up, more and shared I appreciate your kindness in reading my hubs.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi billys1 , ''crime or no crime parental love knows no bounds as far as I can see it.'' Greatly mentioned and I so agree I will do the same for my child too. Love him and accept him no matter what thank you for sharing your comments here.

    • profile image

      billys1 3 years ago from "Somewhere", USA

      What a question. You child is your child, a gift to you for your unconditional love no matter what. I have not had the privilege of being a been a biological father but I have been the father to 4, yes 4 step-children and I can speak from this experience. How much stronger must the bond be between a parent and a child when it is more closely linked to each other as in natural biology than in in step parenting? As a step parent I could never turn my back on one of my step kids, not for anything-ever. So I guess my answer is yes, crime or no crime. Parental love knows no bounds as far as I can see it.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Oh, no matter what any of my children have done, I will always love them and they know that, as it has been tested. LOL I know my Lord God gives grace and mercy to me each day, and so I want to show the same to others. Excellent hub.

      Voted up and more and sharing

      Blessings,

      Faith Reaper

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello Denise I have watched this on CI and was disgusted with how the sister could actually behave that way. Bad influences are often the problem. Thank you for sharing what you know here and for the vote up and interesting.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      midget38 I would to ''Yes, because he is my child.'' Truly a great statement. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello David Carl I would love to visit NY sounds an interesting experience from that part of the world. ''It is difficult to know the answer to, until you have to face it'' well said and so true. Thank you for sharing your comments I appreciate your efforts.

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Good Day kidscrafts hope you are well this fine? Bad influences often corrupts a good child definitely that is another problem many parents are faced with but if parents pay more attention to their child they would know better or more. Thank you for commenting.

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Interesting article, DDE. My goodness, this is food for thought. I used to think, "yes, absolutely I would always forgive my child", however, I recently saw a true life report about how one daughter had gotten a second daughter drunk and gave her an animal sedative to make her sleep. Then, she let her bf and herself rape this sister. The girl died of an overdose of the drug they had given her, so they took her out to the edge of a river and chopped her body so it would fit in between these two concrete slabs. The girls body was eventually found, but not the killer(s). After many more murders they were finally caught and the daughter confessed everything to the parents. She was convicted, along with the other, but they never did interview the parents to see how they accepted this life changing choice this girl made. It was sickening to watch the report and stayed with me for many days after. I'm not sure I could forgive my daughter for that heinous crime. Up and interesting

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Yes, because he is my child, but he must be open to change and as you rightly say, healing.

    • David Carl profile image

      David Carl 3 years ago from New York

      DDE

      That's the kind of question, that is difficult to know the answer to, until you have to face it. I pray that I am not in it, some day. I hope that I would be forgiving and that circumstances and God would help a healing to happen.

      Good job DDE!

    • kidscrafts profile image

      kidscrafts 3 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      That's a difficult question. But I think when we have children adopted or not, this shouldn't make a difference how we raise them. We have to be there for the children otherwise there are more chance that they will search for attention of people who might be of bad influence on them.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billybuc I agree ''what parent wouldn't?'' well mentioned thank you

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Shyron great message from you thank you for commenting.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I will always love my child and forgive him...what parent wouldn't? You raise some great points for discussion here.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 years ago from Texas

      Yes, I would forgive him and accept him/her back. Everyone deserves someone to believe in them.

      This is very powerful message, but parenting skills are not taught, these skills are learned by 'hands on' i.e. living the learning.

      Have a pleasant day.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MsDora thank you for sharing your thoughts here you are so right.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Parents have to identify with the children no matter the situation. It speaks positively of parenting when a parent forgives a child; they also forgive themselves for the part they played in the child's problem.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MG Singh thank you for stopping by

    • MG Singh profile image

      MG Singh 3 years ago from Singapore

      Very explosive article that makes a reader think.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Jodah you are so right one has to be in the same situation to know more thanks for sharing your experience on Would You Accept your Child After Committing a Crime I appreciate your constant support.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Interesting hub DDE. One of my sons committed a crime a few years ago, though it wasn't his fault and in retaliation for another act. I supported and forgave him for it, but premeditated murder may be different. I don't know how I would handle it. In the case you mentioned the boy had a very bad and difficult upbringing so it was understandable he would be troubled. I think it is difficult if you haven't been in that situation to know how you would act.