Adoption Day (Gotcha Day)

I have two teenagers who are both adopted children. Every year we have celebrated Gotcha Day or Adoption Day for each child. These celebrations are eagerly anticipated festivities in our family. They are special because they honor the wonderful day each child joined our family.

For our family, Gotcha Day is the anniversary of the day we received physical custody of the child, the day she moved in with us. The Adoption Day celebration is on the day her adoption was finalized. For us, this day falls just about ten days after Gotcha Day, so we do not make as big a deal of that particular anniversary. Gotcha Day is the bigger deal at our house.

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In our family, we usually have a special dinner on a child's Gotcha Day. A few days before her Gotcha Day ask my daughter what she would like to have for dinner that night, then I prepare that meal for our special day. I also make a Gotcha Day cake in her favorite flavor.

Because Gotcha Day is a celebration of our family's adoption experience, this is generally a celebration with immediate family only. It is an evening to reflect on our family history. Sometimes recalling the family history brings up a sense of loss in an adopted child. After all, they did not become available for adoption because of any joyous circumstance. This is one reason not to include friends or extended family members in this celebration.

I also give the child a gift on her Gotcha Day. This is generally something sentimental, a keepsake of some kind, rather than a toy or anything temporary. I give her a gift to treasure and keep, because I am treasuring and keeping her.

We spend some time talking about our family's adoption story. My younger daughter loves to hear her adoption story over and over, starting with the part where I was looking for her in Russia and then found out she was actually in South America, and going all the way up to the part where we are dancing together in her bedroom in Maryland. Every part is precious and I better not leave anything out.

My older daughter was not as interested in her adoption story, but she loved to watch the video we took during our adoption trip, recording when we met her at the orphanage and our first days and weeks together. Each child is different and each family is different. There are many ways to celebration Adoption Day or Gotcha Day.

Reading a special book together is a nice Gotcha Day tradition and also a good way to open the door to talking with a child about his adoption.

Here are a few Gotcha Day ideas from other families to get you started thinking about your own Adoption Day traditions.

1. Celebrate Gotcha Day with a special meal chosen by your child.
2. Enjoy a special Adoption Day dinner at an ethnic restaurant representing your child's birth culture.
3. Spend some time looking together at your child's Life Book, adoption photo album or video of their very first Gotcha Day.
4. Give your child a special keepsake signifying his or her place in your heart and in your family.

Give your child a special keepsake gift to celebrate Gotcha Day!

A friend of mine gave her daughter a necklace with a single gold bead on her first Gotcha Day. Each year she now gives her another gold bead to add to her necklace on her Adoption Day.

This makes a very special keepsake that your daughter can enjoy as an adult.

Let your child know how happy you are to be a family with this beautiful frame. Display it in your home during childhood, and pass it to him when he becomes an adult.

It is a Sad Day for Some Adopted Children

Adoptive parents are sometimes surprised to discover that a time they cherish and celebrate, the day their beloved child was placed in their arms forever, is not greeted with joy and celebration by that child. Children adopted at older ages are particularly apt to view this day with some mixed emotions, if not outright sorrow or anger.

It can be hard for us as parents to realize that what was a happy event for us may have been a heartwrenching trauma for our child. This was the day they left behind those they had previously loved, the home they had known, perhaps the culture of their birth. Their adoption represented the closure of the door of possibility that their birthparents would come and retrieve them.

Be prepared that a big family celebration may create even more angst in your child, who may not feel very happy about this day, and then feel pressure to act happy which will make the problem even worse. We found that acknowledging the day, but keeping things lowkey helped my daughter deal with her painful and conflicting emotions.

If your child suffers on Adoption Day, or any holiday or birthday observance, accept that this is normal for a child whose heart has been torn apart so terribly that even being adopted by a loving family cannot put it back together again. Your child may always carry this trauma inside, and because you love him or her, you will as well; but, there are some things you can do to help heal the pain of loss and grief for your child.

Here are some gifts that have helped our family and others.

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