- HubPages»
- Family and Parenting»
- Teens»
- Advice & Tips for Parents of Teens
Changing Discipline as Children Grow
Awww... Sweet Babies
When my son was born, it was absolute heaven. I loved holding him, feeding him, changing him, talking to him, and just loving him to pieces. Same with my daughter. She was like a little doll that I could dress up any way I wanted with frilly dresses and big bows. Beautiful.
Not a Good Little Kid Mom
I was a great baby mommy then it changed. They started to grow into toddlers and questioning everything. I loved watching them grow and seeing their curiosity pouring out of them, but I found it so hard to come down to their level. What I did not realize is that they just wanted a short, sweet answer that was simple. I would try to explain. They would look at me like I was an alien. “Okay, let me put it like this…” Finally, it was like my toddlers were comforting and patronizing me, “It’s okay, Mommy.” Then they would run off and play. I would feel frustrated. I had these wonderful little children who seemed to be helping me more than I was helping them. Not what I wanted on my “Mommy resume.”
Yay, They Have Grown
Finally, they hit 10 – 11 years old, and they are pre-teens. Their senses of humor were being developed, they were learning things about the world, and they loved to discuss what they learned. I had always loved my kids beyond anything in this world and would have died for them, but now I could communicate with them. I felt so much better about my parenting.
From pre-teen to teen years, my kids and I were able to joke around with each other, and they would “get it.” I no longer had to be so careful about what I said to them, fearing I would hurt their feelings. As teenagers, they could be as sarcastic as I was, or they could act silly in a way that was meant to be humorous, not annoying.
Of course, I have never been the parent who wanted to be friends first while putting my responsibility as a parent on the backburner. No, I was still the disciplinarian mom who had to be the “bad guy” sometimes. As a child grows and matures, you have to evolve with the type of discipline you use according to your child’s age because discipline should change from toddler to young child, to pre-teen, and to teen years. For example, I believed in spanking or swatting the bottom. One day my 11-year-old pre-teen son came in and was not in the best mood because he couldn’t get his bicycle chain to go back on its track. He was passing through the kitchen when I told him he needed to clean his room. He shouted, “I’ll get to it when I get to it. I’m busy right now.” Whoa, Buddy, hold on there with the disrespectful tone...
Making Adjustments
I saw red and went over to him, took him by the arm and swatted his bottom. I told him he would not talk to me that way and would drop the attitude. You have to get this picture in your head. My 11-year-old son was an inch taller than I am and I swatted him. He was trying so hard to be respectful. He put his head down, and I told him to look at me. When he did, I could see he was about to burst out laughing. I had to laugh, too, because the swatting situation was so ridiculous. He was not laughing at the reason why I was disciplining him nor at me for telling him to show respect. He was just laughing because when I swatted him, it felt like a fly had landed on him. After our fits of laughter, we did have a talk about respect and attitude. We talked about how when we have a bad day or situation that we cannot take it out on others. He got it! I wasn’t explaining anything he did not already understand. Actually, it was a discussion, not an explanation. And I saw that my type of discipline had to change with this adolescent/young adult.
Connection
Talking to my kids on their level is so much better for me than trying to explain something to a toddler. I love the relationship I have with my teenage kids and how we can talk about “almost” anything. There are times I have to tell them, “TMI!” (Too Much Information).
My son and I still joke about that swat. He is 25 now, and it is a great childhood memory for both of us. He learned the lesson I was trying to teach with the discipline, and I learned that I had to adjust my ways with my children as they grew. It is one learning experience after another, but I must confess I loved being a teenager's mom because we could connect.
Remember When…
Many people do not like the teenage years. All the rebellion, the “spreading of wings,” the quick wit, the sarcasm – these are things I can relate to with my kids. I remember having the same feelings. Mixing my memories of experience with dealing with my own teenagers helps put things into perspective. It also bonds me to my children more and more. When you feel at wit's end, try to think back to your own teen years and how you felt. We may never get completely into our kids’ heads, but we can meet them part of the way and make our place in their hearts. Teenagers are great!
© 2011 Susan Holland
Comments
This was a very interesting Hub, I have three nephews that I treat like my own kids. They're not teenagers yet but when they do become teenagers I'm going to remember this hub on my days to watch them.
Oh, this one is cool. While I don't agree with hitting kids, I still liked, how you swatted him on the rear, obviously still thinking, in your subconscious that he was a young child, and how you both broke up laughuing. But what I really loved was how, you were able to then see what's great about having teens. And appreciate them. (Something many battle with) I know this is an oldie... but I'm a newbie & just now reading. Voted up
It's refreshing to hear a positive comment from a mom of a teen. Thanks for keeping it positive!
Well done! I have found raising 3 boys to be bittersweet. The early teen years were rough but now that they are 18, 19, and 20.. we have a different kind of relationship. This age is great because they actually choose to spend time with you and want advice. I agree with your sentiments and I wouldn't change anything about them.
A very cool hub Susan. I'm glad to hear you have an excellent relationship with your kids. In today's society it is too important to not have that type of relationship because parenting is something that should have a positive impact on their learning and understanding. I'm not a parent at all and I have been told plenty of times that I wouldn't make a good parent. I've also been told by the my sister that since I am not a parent, I shouldn't be giving advice to her children. I told her that IF her children came to me with questions which I felt comfortable discussing with them, then I would do so. She wasn't too thrilled to say the least. But, then again, you would have to understand the relationship between my sister and myself- it's not a good thing. I'll leave it at that. Voted up! :)
Hello Sholland. Well written and it sounds like your a wonderful mother. I bet you have your hands full! :) I believe it is how they are raised. Kids will try things, get in trouble, and other things. I believe when you are there to advise when it happens, it makes the difference. We all made mistakes as kids, they will also. When we can teach them by our mistakes, they are less likely to do it. At that age, you know everything. Well, I thought I did. Boy, I didn't have a clue. Well said.
You are my inspiration, it is really hard to take care of kids. I have two boys and their teenagers now, I get headache sometimes, but its fulfilling!
Absolutely awesome hub. Your making the connection, willingness and insight to need to change disciplines is commended. Voted all the ups and linked to it from one of my hubs I am looking forward to reading more Thanks for sharing
I think that teenage mom is never ready to be a mother.
My kids are in that toddler stage and asking questions no stop. I'm glad to hear the short sweet answers are the way to go. Although, I've found the answer "just because" doesn't fly. They want to know why.
LOVED this hub and rated it up and awesome/funny. OK-your turn to read Mothers Day Madness and we can compare our mother's resumes, LOL
Excellent...loved the part about the little kid mom and the mommy resume! So did my hubby. :-) Keep it up!
My oldest is only 9, but your hub made me look forward to the teens. The most important for me was the fact that you have been there for your kids to build the wonderful relationship you have. I am also work hard on getting that established.
Cool --- I agree 118% .... I loved parenting through the teenage years too.... so true "All the rebellion, the “spreading of wings,” the quick wit, the sarcasm – these are things I can relate to with my kids. I remember having the same feelings. Mixing my memories of experience with dealing with my own teenagers helps put things into perspective."
rated up and awesome
Great hub
27