ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

mommy says you can't control anything

Updated on May 13, 2010

Mommy Says

Did you ever notice that when you buy soft cookies and they spoil, they become hard and crunchy? But, when you buy crunchy cookies and they spoil, they go soft and chewy? This is just one of the thousands of thoughts that clutter my brain on a daily basis. It is symbolic of everything we try to control and make perfect, but in the end it all just leaves a bad taste in our mouths. Who wants a hard cookie when you are expecting something with soft fresh-from-the-oven consistency?

I remember a time when Adam and I had just started dating and he made what seemed to me to be a crazy announcement. He was thinking of leaving journalism to go work in the donut room of his father’s business. Now for me, someone who did not get the college experience until 30, with two kids and a job, finally working in a field that I enjoyed and worked so hard to get into, it seemed, well, nuts to willingly leave. Why go to college and spend tons of money to give it up for something you could have done all along and actually never seemed to enjoy?

But he considered it and he told me. I paused before I spoke.

“Why? Why would you want to leave a newsroom?” I asked. “I will never leave. As much as I complain about the hours and all the hassles, I love it. I will die here if I have my way.”

I meant it. I had worked too hard to get there to just leave. I had put myself through college and paid off all my loans within a year of graduation. I had been told by loved-ones that I would never be more than a wife and mother. I was told I had lots of talent-just nothing anyone would ever pay me to do. My past still haunted me like a bad dream and I was on a mission to forever prove those few people wrong. I was never leaving the newsroom.

Yet, here I am. Freelance writing for newspapers and working small PR accounts as a stay at home- work from home mom. Did I mention how much I need silence to work? Did I mention I hate Barney? There are days I wish I could just cut off my ears. So this situation is another example of something I thought I had in control taking on a life of its own. Motherhood controls all. It always has, it always will.

We married and Adam ended up staying and becoming “Mr. Portsmouth reporter” and I ended up leaving, caring for our first son, who gave me a scary problem pregnancy and, after he was born, seizures. Then came Dylan, and here I am. Trying to work and feel like a productive human being (which those few people from my past had informed me I would never be) all while taking care of two little boys, ages 2 and 3 years, with constant needs and a passion for wrestling until someone inevitable gets hurt.

But they are beautiful. They and their two older sisters are my life. And as much as I hate to submit to old fashioned thinking…they are my work now. The toddlers have also interrupted at least a dozen times as I write this. I am searching for balance at this point. If I find it, I will let you know as I am certain there are others out there like me, trying to have it all and finding out it is exhausting and very humbling.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • kaltopsyd profile image


      8 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

      That's so true about cookies. People fail to realise the seriousness of that matter. hehe.

    • Chaotic Chica profile image

      Chaotic Chica 

      8 years ago

      Truer words have rarely been spoken! LOL Motherhood trumps all, no matter what else you want.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)