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5 Disgusting Things About Office Coffee

Updated on April 29, 2010

Let’s get one thing straight: everyone, unless you’re superman, needs a bit of inspiration during their 9 to 5. Coffee should be the ultimate fix (well, that and Facebook). But to be real: most often, office coffee falls short of being a saving grace. Instead of giving you a boost, office coffee--due to some of its most disgusting traits--is typically a big downer. Find out what disgusting things you are unknowingly subjecting yourself to with your daily office coffee habit.

1. Office coffee maker, both inanimate and animate, suck.

So the old coffee maker might be to blame (it probably hit its prime sometime around your birth year), but so many times, the finger could easily point in the direction of person standing behind the coffee maker. Ok, it’s really kind of him to go out of his way and make the morning coffee for the entire office. But that self-designed coffee machine director—let’s not beat around the bush—sucks! It’s not like you spend your time catering to the needs of all your 50 coworkers. But after all the kudos and thanks have been passed the coffee maker-man’s way, it all boils down to disappointment and that crappy office coffee he stews up every morning. If you could do better, you would. Then, again, you rather spend those precious extra 20 minutes in your email inbox than in the coffee room. So number one, reason why office coffee is disgusting? The man behind the machine is churning out some kind of liquid that is beyond undrinkable.

2. Office coffee machine is dirty, with a capital D!

Ever think about the deposits and sludge that accumulates in that office coffee machine of yours? In restaurants, coffee making corners are kept like a tidy ships. Espresso machines and drip coffee machines are cleaned daily, if not in between each brew. At home, you clean your kettle, you demineralize your water containers, and you sure as all heck, scrub down your own home coffee pot to ensure each brew releases fresh coffee flavors. But ever get down and dirty on your office coffee machine? Didn’t think so. And if not you, then who? Nobody, that’s for sure. So between the mineral build-up from the heated and reheated water and the slick oils extracted from the coffee beans, there’s a lot that can wrong deep down in your coffee machine. Office coffee drinkers beware!

3. Skirting office coffee machine cleaning duties.

Well, well, well. What’s that you say? You do actually clean your office coffee machine. If you do as you claim, then when cleaning an office coffee machine there’s a lot of sludge to deal with. After emptying out those filters and wiping up the splatter of wet grinds, you feel like an underappreciated Cinderella. And for those of your who are lucky enough to have an espresso machine in your office, you probably have a little drawer for emptying tampered pellets of coffee grind. God forbid, if anyone starts dragging their feet and forgets to empty out those coffee pellets, you will most definitely have a full-force fungus problem on your hands. No espresso machine or messy coffee space in your humble office, you say? Then what about the trash can, wet filters, dust of grinds, grimy grinder? No one wants to take it upon themselves to steal time away from work in order to clean the coffee area down, no one. Not even the lovely office custodian!

4. Poor-quality coffee not even a mother can love.

Either your office has a coffee budget or your coworkers manage a pool of petty cash so that everyone could get their coffee fix. Sounds like a lovely camaraderie-boosting plan, right? So everything would go great, if only that guy who buys the coffee actually knew what coffee to buy! Unfortunately he’s going out and buying the bargain bucket of year-old coffee grounds. More bang for our bucks, he says. But your stomach knows better. Through sequential heartburns and tummy twists, you’re thinking surely there has to be an alternative. Surely there has to be a happy medium between the unaffordable Starbuck’s coffee and the bargain bucket sludge that they’re trying to pass as coffee.

5. Morning office coffee all the live-long day.

So your office loves to save. Great thing, right? Three cheers for the environment and for managing our budget. Hip hip hoor—wait! It’s not such a great thing when it involves your beloved coffee drink! So you had a cup of coffee in the morning, wonderful. And then, you had some lunch, and now here comes the post-lunch lull. Just when you start looking for an energizing pick-me-up that’ll get you through the rest of the work day, your eyes start to pan across the room. You catch sight of the stale morning coffee stewing on the hot coffee machine. And, now, no matter how low your eyelids are dropping, you can’t bring yourself to fill your mug with a drop of that now-atomic, aroma-lacking sludge.

Great Office Coffee Solutions

What’s the solution? An upgraded coffee center that offers gourmet coffee at cost-effective prices with ease and efficiency! One-cup brewers are the latest rage in offices. You definitely don’t waste resources on too much unused coffee, since one-cup brewers only allow drinkers to brew one up at a time. There are no complaint of the type of coffee, because employees can enjoy the diversity that the machine allows: everyone gets what they want. And of course, no one is left with the headache of cleaning up after the coffee-time rush. Why, you ask? Because there is no mess to clean—simple! K-Cups coffee keeps the whole coffee making affair short, sweet, and clean. With a large water reservoir or plumbing option, office Keurig brewers are easy-to-use. Coffee won't just be enjoyable (it can definitely be far from disgusting) and still be economical. Just think of all the big smiles you’ll see!

Share Your Thoughts on Office Coffee!

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    • globalcoffeegrind profile image

      globalcoffeegrind 7 years ago

      Awesome! Or should I say, yuck?

    • ProKitchen profile image

      ProKitchen 7 years ago from New York, NY

      Good hub. I usually hate office coffee, and you nailed most of the reasons why.