50 Shades of Lemon

"Hop on the Bus Gus, You Don't Need to Discuss Much, Drop Off the Key, Lee, and Get Yourself Free.... , There Must Be Fifty Ways to" Use Your Lemon. Paul Simon & Art Garfunkle

1. Lemon Pledge
2. Lemon Windex
3. Lemon Tide
4. Lemon Scented Shampoo
5. Lemon Scented Body Wash
6. Lemon Flavored Toothpaste
7. Lemon Flavored Edible Underwear
8. Lemon Soda
9. Lemon Coke
10. Lemon Pepsi
11. Lemon Aid
12. Lemon Meringue Pie
13. Lemon Cookies
14. Lemon Scented Bar Soap
15. Lemon Juice and Peroxide Skunk Wash
16. Lemon Scented Candles
17. Lemon Tea
18. Lemon Incense
19. Lemon Sponge Cake
20. Lemon Cream Filled Donuts
21. Lemon Pudding
22. Lemon Jello
23. Lemon Quinoa
24. Lemon Scented Olive Oil
25. Lemon Scented Carbonara
26. Lemon Scented Gum
27. Lemon Scented Crispy Chicken
28. Lemon Infused Vodka
29. Lemon Butter
30. Lemon Fish
31. Lemon Scented Geraniums
32. Lemon Scented Lawns
33. Lemon Scented Potatoes
34. Lemon Scented Meatballs
35. Lemon Scented Play Dough
36. Lemon Scented Chicken Soup
37. Lemon Scented Pasta
38. Lemon Scented Iron Bark
39. Lemon Scented Rice
40. Lemon Scented Foot Soak
41. Lemon Scented Trash Bags
42. Lemon Scented Massage Oil
43. Lemon Scented Pork Salad
44. Lemon Scented Conifers
45. Lemon Scented Brocolli
46. Lemon Flavored Beer
47. Lemon Flavored Baking Chips
48. Lemon Flavored Cod Liver Oil
49. Lemon Flavored Potato Chips

50. Lemon Flavored Condoms

The Lowly, Ubiquitous, Underrated, Under-Appreciated, Misunderstood and Much Maligned Lemon

Did you ever get the feeling that your lowly lemon was everywhere at the same time. It's kind of like being beside yourself, and "I said to myself, self, how art thine ubiqutious lowly lemon?" and I replied to my self, saying "Self, my lemon overfloweth, while simultaneously flowing backwards." How is that for ubiquitousness? But, all kidding aside, have you ever thought about how many things you can do with a lemon? Lemons are everywhere. They're in our food, they're in our cleaning products, they're in our body wash, they're in our shampoo, they're in our perfumes and colognes. You'd be hard-pressed to think of a place where lemons aren't. (Except maybe on the inside of a Dorian Fruit).

Not only can use the inside of a lemon, you can even use the outside of the lemon in your cooking. They call that "Lemon Zest," who knows why? Why couldn't they just call it "grated lemon peel?" Oh, that's right, they call it that also! Duh! My bad! Lemons smell so good too. Amost anything can be improved with a squirt of lemon. It didn't work on my imaginary pet albino skunk though, just in case you were thinking of trying it. Of course, you probably don't have a pet albino skunk, because they are pretty rare. Especially the imaginary ones.

The world can never have too much lemonishness, do you think? There's lemon coke, lemon pepsi, lemonaid, lemon sherbet, lemon ice cream, lemon meringue pie, lemon tarts, lemon farts (wait, where did that come from?), lemon flavored edible underwear (that ain't right!), and lemon cookies. Just when you thought there was nothing else that a lemon could be used in, they came along with Lemon Pledge and Lemon Windex. Has anyone seen the lemon flavored K-Y Jelly?

In order than people don't think that this is merely an article that consists of the rantings and ravings of lemunatic, I shall actually endeavor to give you some creative suggestions on how to make some good use of the over-abundance of lemons in the world. Some of these may be food related ideas, and some may be other creative idea for using the lowly, ubiquitous, misunderstood and much maligned lemon.

But, right now I am going to take a little break and start making some video on how to make some Russian Borsh, so look for a new article coming shortly about it. I think it will be very interesting for you!!

Lemon Zest, What is It, Where Does it Come From, and What is it Used For?

This is a great question. Lemon zest used to be the grated peelings from the outside skin of a lemon. Evidently, Lemon zest is now also soap. So, if you are reading that cooking recipe that calls for some lemon zest, you better make sure whether your recipe is for cooking or making cleaning products. Interestingly enough, to make lemon zest soap, you might need some lemon zest from an actual lemon too, to get that lemony lemonish scent. You could just use lemon essential oil, but if you want to actually so some of those little lemony chunks in your zesty soap, then you have to grate some of your own lemon zest. If you want to really go all out, you can use both the lemon zest from your lemons, AND the essential lemon oil.

To make this concoction, of course first you need some clear soap base that you can melt and combine with your lemony lemonish smelly things and pour into some type of mold thingy to give your hardened lemony lemonish soap some shape that identifies it as soap rather than a lemon pound cake, which may also have lemon zest in it. You may also want to add some lemon yellow colorant to your lemony lemonish soapy soap, so it actually LOOK as lemony as it smells.

What's Up With a Lemony Guy Even?

Isn't it enough that there is lemony food, lemony cleaning products, and do we really need to have lemony people too? What's up with this Lemony Snicket guy anyway? It should be painfully obvious that any guy named Lemony already has had an the beginning of a "Series of Unfortunate Events" before he even gets out of the starting chute. That's a name that is just going to attract wrongness right from the get-go, there's no way getting around it. Can you imagine if you had a kid named Lemony running around on your playground when you were in elementary school? Kids would be asking him if he pees lemonaid or if he poops lemon pies. Remember that old song, "Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Old Lemony?" or "A Tisket, A Tasket, A Red and Yellow Lemony Snicket?" Oh, wait that doesn't even rhyme. My bad!!!

How to Make Easy Lemony-Limey Meringue Pudding Pie

It might not be pie-in-the-sky or pie in your eye, but this lemony-limey Meringue pudding pie is to die for and it's easy, peasy to make if your only slightly proficient around the kitchen. The first thing you are going to need is a graham cracker pie crust. Best of all, you don't even have to make it, you can snag one in the frozen food section at your local supermarket. If you really want to make one, you can, it's not that difficult. As a matter of fact, it's so easy, I'm not even going to give you instructions. Just wing it. I'll give you a hint though, the first two things you going to need are a pie tin and some graham crackers.

Awww, what the heck. I might as well just tell you. All you need is some unsalted butter, some graham crackers, and some granulated sugar. Melt one third cup of the butter and add 10 to 12 crushed graham crackers (put them in a ziploc bag and crush them with a rolling pin), and one quarter cup of sugar to a food processor. Pour in the melted butter and process until a uniform consistency is obtained.

Pat the mixture evenly around the bottom and sides of a 9" oven-pie plate or pan, and bake at 375 Degrees F for about 10 minutes. Let the pie crust cook on a cooling rack, and now let's go make our lemony-limey meringue pudding filling. I'll be your mouth is watering already.

Now, we're going to start out with some Lime Jell-O, Some Lemon Pudding, and some Cool Whip Desert Topping. Follow the directions on the boxes to make the lime Jell-O and lemon pudding. It's not that difficult, trust me!!! If I can do it, anybody can do it. If you want to make this recipe sugar-free, you can no-sugar Jell-O and pudding, and make your graham cracker pie crust with Splenda instead of sugar. You;ll have to adjust the recipe though, because you won't need anywhere near as much Splenda as sugar.

After you make your lime Jell-O, put it in the fridge to cool. When it's just starting to get stiff, and the lemon pudding to it, and mix everything together so they are a consistent color throughout. Place the mixture back in the fridge to cool off for about 1/2 hour, then pour the mixture into your graham cracker pie crust. Smooth it out with the back of a spoon or a spatula. Return to the refrigerator and allow the pudding and Jell-O mixture to set. When the mixture has firmed up, add a layer of fat-free whipped topping. Now, serve and amaze your guests.

How to Make Lemony Snicketoodles (The Lemony Answer to Snickerdoodles)

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups sugar

1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened

1/2 cup shortening

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 eggs (1 complete egg, 1 egg white only), or Four Tbsp Flax Seed and Water Egg Substitute. (Make with 1 Tbsp ground flax seed to 3 Tbsp Water=1 Egg)

2 3/4 cups Gold Medal® all-purpose or unbleached flour

2 teaspoons cream of tartar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Zest of 1 lemon

4 Tbsp fresh lemon juice