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Emergency Man Pizza

Updated on May 25, 2014

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Scrounging Ingredients

The man pizza presumes you want this done quickly and that the ingredients in your fridge are limited and your wife's not around. The emergency man pizza utilizes the most commonly available ingredients that are most likely to actually be in your fridge and, at the same time, the least likely to be coated in blue hair to avoid giving you ptomaine poisoning. There are as many varieties of emergency man pizza as there are guys with cast iron stomachs. Not all of them have cheese. Peanut butter, cheese and jelly are okay since you're the only one who has to eat them, although, if you are stuck baby sitting, the average three to seven year old usually appreciates them as though they were the finest haute cuisine. Older kids have no scruples and if you beat them at Halo II, they will rat you out to Mom in a New York minute, so be careful.

The finished product!

It cooks fastest in the oven on broil, but the edges tend to get a bit crispy - actually more like charred.
It cooks fastest in the oven on broil, but the edges tend to get a bit crispy - actually more like charred.

Cook Time

Prep time: 3 min
Cook time: 5 min
Ready in: 8 min
Yields: However many you want to make.


  • 1 to 5 flour Tortillas (best), Old hot dog or hamburger buns, corn tortillas (least desirable but ok)., Most bread like substances can be made into emergency man pizzas.
  • Dribble of spaghetti sauce or ketchup., (add Italian seasoning to ketchup)
  • Large pile of grated mozarella, parmesan, cheddar, Swiss or that unidentifiable white/yellow stuff in the side rack., I have used cream cheese in an emergency.
  • Another pile of veggies or leftover meat., Be creative

No Fuss, Minimal Muss

  1. Lay your bread-like substances on the cutting board or counter top in a baking pan or one of those cool pizza cooking stones if you have one.
  2. Smear your spaghetti sauce or ketchup or even picante' sauce if you're desperate or you are going for Mexican pizza
  3. Grate up your cheese and sprinkle it over the sauce or if you are lazy just lay some cheese slices on top of the sauce.
  4. Sprinkle stuff like onions, peppers, mushrooms (not the kind you find growing in your yard), bits of leftover steak, sliced hot dogs, cooked bacon or bologna on top of the cheese.
  5. Okay there are three things you can do. 1. Melt it all together in the microwave (rubbery but edible in a pinch) 2. Cook it properly in a 450° oven 3. Broil it in the oven on high, which makes it easier to burn to a nice midnight black color around the edges.
  6. When you smell smoke, it's done. A little charring around the edges is normal, especially if you're multi-tasking and playing Halo on your kid's X-Box while the pizza is cooking. It doesn't take but a few minutes to cook the emergency man pizza and even less time to wolf it down with some chips and your favorite adult or juvenile beverage. Drink what you want - you're on your own, remember?

Remember you're home alone so calories don't count!

Nutrition Facts
Serving size: Varies
Calories 0
Calories from Fat0
% Daily Value *
Fat 0 g
Saturated fat 0 g
Unsaturated fat 0 g
Carbohydrates 0 g
Sugar 0 g
Fiber 0 g
Protein 0 g
Cholesterol 0 mg
Sodium 0 mg
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.


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    • anusha15 profile image

      Anusha Jain 3 years ago from Delhi, India

      What captured my attention was the name, Emergency Man Pizza. LoL. And the description was funnier. :) Great recipe, Cool Hub.

    • OldRoses profile image

      Caren White 3 years ago from Franklin Park, NJ

      This is a great recipe! Voted up. You are also a gifted writer. I really enjoyed this.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 4 years ago from Washington State, USA

      I would not have given this recipe much notice, but with zero sodium, cholesterol, and calories how could I ignore it?! BTW I like your style of writing.

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 4 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      no fuss pizza. Love this idea and recipe. Voted up