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How I Won The Recipe Contest of June 2012

Updated on August 15, 2012

Inspiration

Before I proceed and answer this infamous question, I will share with you how I was inspired to enter the contest and how I came up with this incredible recipe!

One morning as I was brushing my pearly whites, I thought to my handsome and beyond gorgeous self, "Why should I sit on the sidelines while everybody else works their tail off publishing recipes?" So, I gurgled some water and rinsed my mouth and ran over to the office. While running faster than a Cheetah(Yes I timed myself, I should enter the summer olympics...)on the way to the office, I tripped over the cordless phone. I enthusiastically got up, with one thing on my mind: I will let not anything stop me, I will win this recipe contest if it is the last thing I do!

As I swung open my office door, the cat jumped out and scared the living daylights out of me! But it was all right, because these minor setbacks were not going to stop me or impede me on my journey to fame and success!(Justin Bieber, you had better watch out) I stumbled around the cluttered desk in search for my handy dandy journal so I could jot down ideas for my recipe(yeah don't judge, a guy can journal as well, sheesh people are so critical in today's society...would you like me to critique everything you do?) Anyways back to the subject at hand. As I flipped through my broken-in journal, ideas were flying through my brain at the speed of light, if not faster. How will I accomplish this feat? What will I do my recipe on?

As questions were popping out onto the playing field, faster than I could answer them, a 60 watt light bulb lit up in my head! I know, I will use the recipe I created a few years ago! It will be a shoe-in! This recipe will be a unquestionable success! And not only will I rock everyone's socks off, I will also be making a big imprint on the society for several more years to come. People will be praising this recipe and talking about its amazing goodness til the end of time! My pen was trembling in my hand due to the uncontrollable shock my brain was enduring! But the shock and the trembling was a good thing, because I was going to become famous! I began scribbling notes all of the place, and voila! This beautiful masterpiece came to be!

How I Won: The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandich

Yes I know what you are thinking...this sounds utterly delectable, mouth-watering, and appealing to the taste buds! But, before the drool gets all over your nice clothes, you might want to run into the bathroom and grab a tissue. Please for the sake of everything good and decent in life, wipe that drool off your face!

All right, strap on your seat belts, and enjoy the ride! For I will now show you how I won the recipe contest of 2012 with step by step instructions and pictures!

Source

Instructions

  1. First you must gather together all your ingredients and tools.
  2. Upon gathering the ingredients, you must open both the peanut butter and jelly. If the jars are closed, it will be rather difficult to make this sandwich.
  3. Spread the peanut butter on one slice of the bread.
  4. Proceed to spread or pour the jelly on the other slice of bread.
  5. You then put both pieces of bread together.

Nutritional Value

Nutrition Facts
Serving size: One Serving
Calories 999
Calories from Fat8991
% Daily Value *
Fat 999 g1537%
Saturated fat 999 g4995%
Unsaturated fat 999 g
Carbohydrates 999 g333%
Sugar 999 g
Fiber 999 g3996%
Protein 999 g1998%
Cholesterol 999 mg333%
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.

Look Above

Do not proceed any further until you have read my detailed nutritional capsule! Don't you want to know what is inside this delectable sandwich? Upon reading, you will discover there is a healthy balance of 999 grams of everything! You can't make a recipe with better nutritional value!

Cook Time

Prep time: 10 hours 33 min
Cook time: 24 hours 58 min
Ready in: 35 hours 31 min
Yields: Serves a full platoon of marines on a good day!

Ingredients

  • Gallon Peanut Butter
  • Metric Ton Jelly
  • A Few Loaves Bread
Click thumbnail to view full-size
The BreadPeanut Butter & JellyKnifeNapkins, I will be explaining the use of these later.Towel or apron, whatever you have available.
The Bread
The Bread
Peanut Butter & Jelly
Peanut Butter & Jelly
Knife
Knife
Napkins, I will be explaining the use of these later.
Napkins, I will be explaining the use of these later.
Towel or apron, whatever you have available.
Towel or apron, whatever you have available.

Gather Ingredients & Tools

This first step is probably one of the most important steps to making this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It is oftentimes missed. You must gather all of your ingredients and tools, for one missed ingredient will cause your recipe to be a total disaster! I can not believe how many people forget either the peanut butter or the jelly!


Some important things to note: You should buy a healthy loaf of bread, whole wheat is probably your best bet. Creamy Peanut Butter is the best option for your bread, and a jelly jar you can pour out of will make your sandwich a lot easier to make.



Make sure to flip through every picture in the thumbnail I have conveniently provided to the left...or is that right? I get confused sometimes. Every ingredient and tool is of the utmost importance, from the jelly all the way down to the apron or towel(whichever one is more readily available), for this can get rather messy!

Click thumbnail to view full-size

Second Step

Another crucial step in making this sandwich a true masterpiece is to open up the peanut butter and jelly. I can't recall how many times people have called my customer support number saying they have had problems spreading their peanut butter and jelly.

The conversation goes something like this...(I will use George as my customer)

George(rings in) "I can't get the peanut butter or jelly to come out of the jars?

Me Hmmm, yes that is an excellent question, and do not worry, it happens quite regularly.

George Ok that makes me feel a little better, I thought I might be dumb or something...

Me Oh, well I didn't say you weren't dumb, but we won't go there. The reason you are having a hard time is because you need to open the jars.

George Oh yeah! That makes so much sense! You are a truly gifted chef, and I love your TV Show! Can I get an autograph?

Me Why most certainly! I love giving out my autograph to my dumb fans!(Hangs up phone)


Third Step

After you have laboriously figured out how to open the jars, you will the proceed to spreading the peanut butter on one of the slices of the bread. This is another step people get confused on. I have had some people call and ask, "Where do you put the peanut butter?" Gee, I don't know, maybe in your hair or your ear?



Notice how focused I look here. 85% of this recipe comes down to your focus. Are you prepared? Have you done your yoga for the day? If you haven't, you better do so, because this is no cushy job; This recipe takes strong will, patience, and determination!




Are You Having Trouble?

If you find that you are running into problems, that is all right. You are about halfway done, and help is right around the corner! I have a customer hotline number to support you if you are feeling overwhelmed.


Pull out that smartphone of yours and dial 1-800-the-chef. That is 1-800-the-chef. We have people who are ready to answer all of your questions. You can call us anytime of day from 530pm-535pm. We provide excellent customer service for three small payments of $967.97! If that is hard on your budget, don't worry! You can pay us over the span of a few hours, we don't mind. We are very flexible and wan't to assist you in every way possible!

Step Four

If you were able to successfully accomplish step three, this should be a walk in the park! What you will be doing next is spreading or pouring the jelly onto the other slice of bread. You can be creative here and make swirly designs or whatever you want! This is your masterpiece, make it your own!


Step Five

You are almost there! Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Now this part becomes very emotional. Remember how I posted a picture of napkins in my thumbnail? This is very vital; if you forgot to grab some, do so now! The fifth step is to uni...., (Ahem) is to unit..... (Ahem, tears begin to fall...) is to unite (whew I can do this, as I slowly wipe the tears off my face...) is to unite the slices of bread in holy matrimony! (I can hear the wedding bells ringing, can you?)

Come on you can do it!  Wipe those tears away and unite the slices of bread together!
Come on you can do it! Wipe those tears away and unite the slices of bread together!

Step 6 (Optional)

This is totally up to you; I enjoy cutting my sandwich in two pieces. I have no reason for doing so. It is just one of my traditions. Be very careful, so you don't cut off any fingers! If you do however, have no fear! 1-(800) the-chef is also a full medical care clinic! Just give us a call and we will be happy to set up an appointment sometime in the next calendar year. We value all of our patients and succeed in helping them all feel at least the same or worse!

Be very careful, here as to not cut any fingers off!
Be very careful, here as to not cut any fingers off!
Click thumbnail to view full-size

Step 7 (Optional)





Again, this step is optional. But I would highly recommend it! That is to provide yourself with a glass of milk or juice. These delightful liquids will balance out your sandwich beautifully. Kind of like the black stripes and the white stripes on a Zebra. Such beautiful balance and chemistry! Such magnificent symmetry and design! All right, I better stop, or I am going to have to get some more napkins!

How Many Stars?

4.8 stars from 19 ratings of Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich

Disclaimer

I want to inform you all, unfortunately, that I have not won the Recipe Contest of June 2012. You can all let out a huge sigh of relief! In fact, let's do it all together, on the count of three! One...Two...Three! There you go, do you feel better now? This was a satirical piece primarily for your entertainment and enjoyment! No, I do not have a hotline customer support number that also provides you with great medical care. No I did not come up with this recipe idea on my own. Sorry to burst all of your bubbles!

A Few Shout Outs

I would to thank all of you who have made this a success. I would like to thank my mom and dad primarily for all of their help and encouragement! I would also like to thank my sister Katie, twin brother Jon, and Susie, Bengi, Willie, And Mandy(my four dogs who have been very loyal to me throughout the years and especially with helping me eat my sandwiches)

I would also like to give a huge shout out to Victoria Linn and Tammy Maticic for helping me into the wee hours last night giving me ideas and encouragement to give this hub a try! Thanks guys a bunch!


I hope you have enjoyed this hub and have had a few laughs! Now, what are you waiting for?! Go make yourself a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and enjoy!

P.S. By the way, I have not ate my example sandwich yet. If you want it, I can ship it up Fed Ex overnight for a small fee of $576,693!

Comments

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    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      "Zees Ah-mer-EE-kahn chefs! Zey sink zey uhr SO fab-YU-lus! Zey uhr, in factuh, SO one do-men-shun-ahl! SO un-originahl! PAH! Zis recipee is cow peeesss! I fart on eet! Now, uh fried ba-lo-nee san-wheech! THAT! THAT iz zee master-peeece! Zis chef, he must be stopped!"

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hahaha. Lol too funny TT I loved your comment! :)

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      FANTABULOUS! You made me laugh. I love the pics of you at the table--so serious, with the towel. LOL. The styrofoam plate is a nice touch, as is the sandwich that is far from cut right down the middle. Great job with this. SO, so funny! I'm going to have to share this one so that everyone will know who won the contest! TT is funny, too! hahaha Oh--and thanks for the shout-out. Glad to help with this masterpiece!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks so much Vicki. Nice catch on the sandwich cut not in half. That was my goal, and thanks I had fun with towel and being serious. Lol. Yes TT is too funny! Lol thanks for reading and commenting!

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 4 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      Too cute! Weird, but cute. Really cool "pics". note. not photos here, pics. Voted up and very funny. I love it! Originality is tops!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I don't know. This recipe seems really complicated. I will have to read this a few more times. I hope I can manage to perfect this sandwich.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Thank you you for the good and much needed laugh tonight. Totally loved this and am sharing and voting up!!

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

      haha...above all the text and pics. I found it utterly hilarious how you had your napkin up your shirt while "making" this utterly delicious recipe.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Janine glad you had a good laugh! I think I enjoyed writing this a little much! Lol thanks for the votes and share!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha Lol Jeannie! Priceless Lol

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Why is it weird Rebecca? :). Lol. Thanks I appreciate the comment about the pics! Thanks for the vote and comment on originality!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha thanks Ruchira! Yeah I though the towel was a great touch for this hub, adding the comedic touch. Glad you liked it!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker suzettetaos 4 years ago from Taos, NM

      This is hilarious! What a great job you did on this - I was actually laughing out loud as I was reading this piece. You remind me of my nephew - he is as cute as you and as funny. What a hoot!

      One thing I think you should know for your future peanut butter and jelly recipe pursuits - you can buy peanut butter and jellie swirled together in one jar now at your local grocery store. That will cut down on the time and intricacy of making your sandwich. Slather it on each piece of bread and then put the two pieces of bread together, peanut and jellie sides together of course. Just thought you might want to know the latest in the peanut butter and jellie world. Thanks for an entertainting article! Food Channel is next!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      That is awesome! Congratulations Josh! That was my snack today after the gym. LOL.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aww thanks for the awesome comment Suzette! Glad you had a good laugh! Thanks for the cute and funny comment lol. Yeah I know! My friend told me that the other day! Isn't that awesome! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Doc for stopping by, glad you enjoyed it!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hey TT have you ever seen Hell's kitchen or any cooking show for that matter? I sure hope so because you and me having a cooking duel and you are going to need the experience! Your bologna vs my PB&J. Let ze games begin! Lol

    • Jenn-Anne profile image

      Jenn-Anne 4 years ago

      This is hilarious! It reminds me of my sister-in-law's "recipe" bridal shower - all guests were supposed to give a recipe and a utensil necessary to make it. My gift? A can opener. My recipe? Chicken noodle soup a la Campbells. Hee hee! I'd give you two thumbs up, but alas hubpages only allows me to give you one.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      If that's not Jiff peanut butter I'm not eating that crap! Without Jiff it's just another P& J sandwich.

      I was laughing out loud at the nutritional facts...then I saw the picture of you with your tongue out and I almost lost my bladder. Way too funny!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hahaha Bill too funny and unfortunately Jon and I finished our Jiff last week. I was rather disappointed!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha thanks Jenn glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the thumbs up! Good idea on the Cambells! Lol

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      :):) peanut butter jelly time.

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      What a riot!!! I love how it takes 35 hours to prepare and it takes a gallon of peanut butter. I laughed hysterically and lost it at the end when you were thanking your supporters throughout the years. You have a real talent for sarcasm and satire. Not everyone can write that way. Congratulations and I am sure your parents are very proud. :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha thanks Tammy! Glad you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing it for sure! Lol. Aww thanks for the compliment Tammy, I really appreciate it! :) Thanks for stopping by Tammy! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha Doc Lol

    • melbel profile image

      Melanie 4 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan

      Oh my god! This is bloody hilarious! I love the pictures! This is seriously soo funny! So you're a vertical bread cutter, eh? No offense, but diagonal is where it's at. :P

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks mel, glad you enjoyed it and got a good laugh! Haha, I cut mine both ways, depends on the mood I am in! :)

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hillarious josh - loved it, pics a riot!! Would you believe i have never had one of these "delightful" looking sanbo's!!! Any chance of International mail josh????!!! lol Classic hub, well thought of!

    • ktrapp profile image

      Kristin Trapp 4 years ago from Illinois

      I can't stop laughing. You could even add some recipe variations like cutting in fourths, removing crusts or toasting. What a great satirical sense of humor you have. Don't count yourself out of the recipe contest just yet. You never know...

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Suzie, thanks so much! Haha, about the mail, I will have to think about that one LOL.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks ktrapp, I appreciate it! Good idea on the additions!

    • thecrazzykylex profile image

      Crazzy Kylex © 2012 4 years ago from Incredible India!

      Awesome twist, Josh! You know how to divert others' attention

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks crazzy! Appreciate it! :)

    • Jeff Gamble profile image

      Jeff Gamble 4 years ago from Denton, Texas

      I tried to follow the recipe but something went horribly wrong and now I have far more jelly halves than peanut butter halves. I called the customer service line but got someone from New Delhi and when I tried to follow his directions... well, it wasn't pretty... The Marines are coming in an hour... Help!

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 4 years ago from America

      Funny, loved this. I have to agree with billybuc it has to be Jiff to be good. You look like my friend she always puts a dish towel around her neck while eating. Voted Up.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hahaha, thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Glad you enjoyed this hub moonlake! Yeah I thought the towel was a good touch! :) Thanks for voting!

    • Angel198625 profile image

      Amber Lynn 4 years ago

      I loved this! Great hub, pictures, and it was funny!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks, appreciate it! :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Josh, I really liked the humor in this piece.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks again Doc! :)

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      F'ING CHEF RAMSEY F'ING RULES THE F'ING WORLD!!!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      LOL , Yeah and I can walk on water! Please I am not afraid of you and your pesty little comments, this chef war is mine! :)

    • Turtlewoman profile image

      Kim Lam 4 years ago from California

      What is wrong with you...teaching people how to make a complicated sandwich that has 999 grams of fat?! Don't you know that Americaaans are already obese? Hmmmpth...and the bib...my gosh the bib...you should be embarrassed. Nonetheless...I can see why this recipe was a winner and I am just purely jealous.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      LOL thanks turtlewoman, I had a lot of fun with this one!

    • profile image

      AEvans 4 years ago

      Lolololo! I will never look at a PB&J the same way again! Yes I needed a tissue for the tears that were flowing; because I was laughing so hard! OMG! This is a great one and certainly put a spin in recipes. Thumbs up! :D

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks so much Evans! I am glad you had a few laughs! I enjoyed writing this so much! So it is nice to see some positive feedback!

    • Bob Zermop profile image

      Bob Zermop 4 years ago from California, USA

      Hahaha too funny! Still cracking up :D Hahahaha!

      Plus, now I want a sandwich... It's 10:30 at night here but still.

      Thank for the laughs and now I will go make myself a PB&J following your excellent guide :D

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Bob, glad you enjoyed this hub, because I sure did! Glad you had a few laughs as well. It is 1:30 AM here. Where do you live? Enjoy the sandwich! LOL

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 years ago from North America

      Hey, Chef! How do we get tickets to your TV show?

      Rated Up and Awesome, funny and more.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Patty, glad you enjoyed it! Tickets are being sold for four and half easy payments of $89.76! Let me know asap if and when you will be attending and how many tickets you would like. Tickets are selling fast, get yours now! Have a great night! Thanks for the votes!

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      a bunch of lols!!

      and the cordless phone just stopped you! lol!! i imagined your face when you tripped over.

      well, you made great laugh-out-loud hub here!!

      ps: who's taking your picture?you really must be in good convincing.

      all the VG&S

    • Bob Zermop profile image

      Bob Zermop 4 years ago from California, USA

      @Josh - California, USA! Have finished my sandwich and am now on a banana :)

      Hilarious hub!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks M, glad you enjoyed it! Yes, the cordless phone gets me all the time! LOl My twin brother took the pictures of me. Thanks for reading and for all the votes and share M!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bob, I live in Pennsylvania! Hope you enjoyed your sandwich! Did you remember to open the jars first? LOL Thanks again!

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      yeah i knew it, your twin brother do all the capturing.. maybe if you change places, i wouldnt have noticed either. lol

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      LOL perhaps this is true! Haha But who knows? It is a mystery! :)

    • snowdrops profile image

      snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

      love your "satirical look at how to make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich"

      lol this is great!

    • Lot Rillera profile image

      Lot Rillera 4 years ago from Philippines

      Oh my God Josh ! those pictures are really so funny. can't help myself from laughphing so loud, my daughter was asking what's happening to me ? HAHAHHAHAHA,,,,,, what's with the tounge out Josh ! hahahha.....

      you made us all Laugh !

      anyway voted up and sharing !

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 years ago from North America

      josh3418 - Thank you for the price, I must run out and lease a bus to bring people to the show.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 4 years ago from USA

      This is hilarious! I have taken notes and bookmakred this hub so I can refer to it again and again as I am sure this recipe will be delicious. I'm confused though - what am I supposed to do with the towel?

    • Gypsy48 profile image

      Gypsy48 4 years ago

      Very funny and creative hub. I love peanut butter and will have to save this recipe! Well done.

    • profile image

      kelleyward 4 years ago

      Okay now I'm mad you have more 5 stars than any of my recipes!!! ha ha this was a great way to end the recipe contest. I absolutely love your sense of humor. Voted way UP! Kelley

    • EyesStraightAhead profile image

      Shell Vera 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      First, I have to commend you on the excellent training of your customer service staff. After sitting here for hours staring at my peanut butter and jelly, wondering why I couldn't proceed to the next step, I called your line. The individual who answered first asked me if I had my plate ready. I did. He then asked if I had my peanut jelly and butter out. This confused me a little but I realized it was just a goof so I said yes. He laughed and said that was my first problem: I bought the wrong ingredients. (Ooops!) I confirmed I did actually by peanut butter and jelly and we continued. He confirmed I removed my lids - yep. Ah...but now we found the culprit. Since this was a complicated recipe, I was following it to a "T" - I had not removed the silver lining from the jar of peanut butter. Talk about silly. (Shaking my head). I proceeded through the rest of the steps, while he waited on the phone, and had a wonderful sandwich. He provided great help with finding a Western Union and let me know I had the wonderful grace of spreading payments over the next few hours. This was so helpful. I was able to look under neighbors' mattresses to find the money and went to Western Union (poor guy...his face!). All is well and I am actually going to try the recipe again. I would have loved to buy your sandwich so I could taste the real thing, but I don't think the neighbors have any money laying around anymore. Do you take credit? :) Great job on this hub...I am still laughing.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and funny. Sounds delicious heading to the store for easy opening jars of peanut butter and jelly and the much needed loaf of bread. If anything goes wrong I will call just remember I have to call collect as I will be calling long distance. Great and creative hub and love the pics.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks snow, it was a lot of fun! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Lot!! :) I had a lot of fun with this hub, so i am glad you had some good laughs! :) Thanks for the votes and share!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hahaha, Patty sounds good! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks millionaire, glad you enjoyed it! The towel is what you use if you don't have an apron, the peanut butter and jelly will get everywhere if you don't use one of the two! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks gypsy, glad you enjoyed it! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aww, thanks Kelley, I really appreciate it! Thanks so much for your support of me and the votes! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hahaha, of course I take credit! :) Thanks for an awesome comment eyes! I loved every last bit of it! :) We should tag team a hub some time! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks for stopping by gypsy, glad you enjoyed it! :)

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

      I did it, bit I like my bread toasted first. The good thing about using a styrofoam plate: cut the sandwich across quickly and you discover that you have sliced the plate, too! Share with your best friend, and you do not need to get another plate. Enjoy together! I really did not intend to slice the plate, so I created a nice ending to take away the feeling of stupidity.

      Great hub!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, thanks Levertis, glad you enjoyed it! :)

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

      What a sense of humor--hope your family members appreciate it, haha. Loved the hub . Up and funny/useful and interesting. Oh...yes, I did the 5 star hit. Thanks for making my day more cheerful, haha. P & J sounds pretty good right now. Thank god I've mastered the jars! "I will never starve again!!!"

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha those jars sure are hard to figure out sometimes lol. Thanks for stopping by and voting and I am glad you had you had a few laughs!

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      This is tooo funny. You never know when you'll come across someone who can't make a p&b. If I do, I'll be sure to send them your way!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, thanks vespawolf! Glad you enjoyed it! :)

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      I am still shocked that Suzie has never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in her whole life. How can that be? I made one but it will take me a few days to eat it. I used the whole gallon of peanut butter.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      I know Tammy I am shocked too! Lol. You used the whole gallon? Good lol

    • Simone Smith profile image

      Simone Haruko Smith 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Josh3418, you're my hero. If I were not so cruelly bound by the contest rules, I would give you the Grand Prize this very second.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aww, thanks! Yeah, I actually almost submitted it, but I didn't have a video, and I thought adding the the amazon capsules were priceless. and I know that was one of the rules LOl Thanks though!

    • Lohrainne Janell profile image

      Lohrainne Janell 4 years ago from Fairfield, IA

      Very funny, creative, original. I loved reading it. I think you should get the grand prize without a doubt. Your instructions were perfect. I will follow them to a T. However, I will have to use a rice cake since I don't eat wheat. If I run into any problems using a rice cake, I will call your customer service line. Thanks for including it.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, you are very welcome Lohrainne, just remember we are only open from 530-535pm, so make sure to fit it into your busy schedule! :) LOL

    • kunynghame profile image

      kunynghame 4 years ago from Clarks Summit, PA

      the best part was the customer service phone calls

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha thanks I thought it was a great touch Lol

    • profile image

      iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

      LOL, you are brilliant! You made a great piece out of something so simple, but enjoyed by all! Voted up for sure!!!

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL! You and RealHousewife should get together and make toasted P&J sandwiches. Thanks for the laughs this was fun!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks iamauraleigh! Appreciate it, thanks for the votes!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, Susan, great idea! :)

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

      The blond asks, "did you really win?" :P

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      I don;t think so? I wish, that would be so cool, although I would have some angry recipe hubbers on my tail forever! LOL

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 4 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      Excellent, hilarious hub :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks! :)

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      So funny, I have to SCREAM! I enjoyed looking at your pics over and over, really matching them with what you are teaching the hubbers here for your delightful winning/non-winning sandwich recipe! Hahahaha!!! Josh the Jelly Joker! Good job with this hub, Josh!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks so much coffee, and just so you know, I have bookmarked two of your hubs which I will be reading later tonight! :) Take care!

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      Hi Josh! My p.s. part of the comment didn't go with the submission. What happened here? Anyways, thanks a lot and I enjoyed your hubs!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks again, you are welcome! :)

    • Ausemade profile image

      Ausemade 4 years ago from Australia

      Mmmm... now you have let the cat out of the bag... or is that the jam out of the jar... now those 5 star michelin restaurants will be offering this as their dish of the day... and charging $999. Love the hub... although I prefer eating my peanut butter sandwich with honey...

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Ooooo. yeah honey is great too! :) Good call, and thanks for reading!

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 years ago from North America

      One of our restaurants in Central Ohio really does offer a PBJ and some potato chips for $20.00!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Wow that's crazy! Wait maybe it's mine! Lol

    • Ausemade profile image

      Ausemade 4 years ago from Australia

      My partner just advised that when they were kids, they used to eat peanut butter, jam and honey sandwiches...

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Yes I have tried that too, excellent sandwich!! :)

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 4 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Too bad there's no option here for 10 stars, so I gave you only 5. Fantastic read!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks so much Sally! I really appreciate you stopping by!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      This is one of the funniest things I have ever read! Amazing, because I have read lots of funny stuff. Why am I not following you? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery you know.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Austinstar,

      Ia m glad you tought this was funny! I am not following you, but now I will! Thanks!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      How about a big ol HubHug for Josh, my 600th fan!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Yeah! I love HubHugs! :)

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 4 years ago from Michigan

      You funny guy you! Loved the pictures and humor. Here are more Hubhugs for you Josh ... HUBHUGS

      Mekenzie

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mekenzie,

      Thanks! I had a lot of fun with this one!

    • EyesStraightAhead profile image

      Shell Vera 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Josh, I am a bit behind on comments! The more you comment, the more you have to follow up. When you are ready to tag-team on a hub, you let me know. Though between the two of us, we may have others reporting to the medical center with hurt abs so you may want to hire some staff first. :p

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Eyes,

      No problem! I don't have any money to hire staff! ROFL

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      I apologize for being so late in congratulating you on winning the Grand Prize in the Recipe Contest for 2012. This wonderful recipe will be bookmarked and referred to for many years to come in my kitchen. I will think of you every time I make this delicious sandwich.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mary,

      No worries for being late! :) I am honored you are going to bookmark this recipe haha :)

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Too funny, Josh! Who would have thought a simple PB&J could elicit such humor! This was over the top.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Brave,

      Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed it!

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 4 years ago from New York City

      Josh my gosh, you are one super funny dude who can write up a storm, what kind of school did your parents put you in, LOL.

      Your definitely blessed for sure, and I love your PB&J sandwich recipe so much I'm heading off to the refrigerator right now to make me one. I won't cut it in half though, nah I'll skip that part hehe! I like to take huge chomps when I eat mine.

      Awesome photo's and I especially loved the 999 grams part, that was so hilarious, and this hub was consistently funny all the way through till the climax at the end. Amazing!

      You know what I'm going to do with this hub here, I don't need to say. Nice!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mike,

      ROFL! Glad you loved it! :) I had so much fun with this hub, as you can probably tell :)

    • nancynurse profile image

      Nancy McClintock 4 years ago from Southeast USA

      What a neat idea. Loved It!!!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Nancy,

      Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Clever AND funny - a great combination, kind of like ... oh, I don't know.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'm still baffled how you didn't win the cooking contest!! :)

    • ishwaryaa22 profile image

      Ishwaryaa Dhandapani 4 years ago from Chennai, India

      A hilarious hub! You have the gift of humor! I laughed a lot especially at your nutritional table and your step-by-step instructions! So nice of Tammy to help you...She's truly a very encouraging fellow-hubber! Rated this recipe 5 stars! Way to go, Josh! Well-done!

      Thanks for SHARING. Funny & Awesome. Voted up

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is so funny! I can't believe I missed this one before... Love the pics to go along with the steps. Peanut butter and jam is one of my fave sandwiches and now I want one :)

    • profile image

      Starmom41 4 years ago

      haha this is great!!!!

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      Josh, I am disappointed. You NEVER cut a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! If you do, all the flavor spills out and you have nothing but a mess.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Deb,

      LOL, glad you enjoyed it!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Linda,

      We are all baffled for sure! I have no idea what happened, a fluke for sure!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Ish,

      Thanks, glad you liked it! Thanks for your encouraging words! Thanks for your votes, and yes Tammy is awesome!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Christy,

      Thanks! Everyone wants one after reading this hub! LOL True story!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Starmom,

      Thanks star!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mark,

      Haha, sorry for ruining it for you! :)

    • Cogerson profile image

      Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

      I tried to follow your directions...but somehow I got confused and could not get to the end....I am hoping for better luck the next time I try and follow your directions....but then again I am sure you struggled the first time as well....voted up and very funny.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Cogerson,

      Thanks! You just cracked me up! People do get confused sometimes which is beyond me! My instructions are so very clear! :)

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Josh,

      I keep wondering why you didn't cut the sandwich equally in half.

      This is an hysterically funny Hub. Great job!

    • jennzie profile image

      jennzie 4 years ago from Lower Bucks County, PA

      Haha this is so funny! I just ate two pb&j sandwiches today. I prefer white bread though (I know, not as healthy as wheat)..

      Voted up and more, as well as shared!

    • brianlokker profile image

      Brian Lokker 4 years ago from Washington DC metro area

      Josh, Your recipe intrigues me and I would like to give it a try. Before I do, though, I have a couple of questions: Would this work with chunky peanut butter instead of creamy? And if so, would you recommend that I use preserves instead of jelly so I don't throw off the balance of the ingredients? Eagerly awaiting your reply ...

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Brian,

      Fascinating questions! Yes you can use Creamy, but you will ahev to follow a different recipe entirely. You can call up my help desk during hours and submit a request for the other recipe, and I will get to it as soon as possible! ROFL, thanks for stopping by Brian!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      naimishika,

      Thanks! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Daisy,

      It adds to the funnyness of the poem, I guess? LOL Good observation, :) Glad you enjoyed it Daisy!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Jennzie,

      Thanks glad you enjoyed this hub, and it is all right, I will let white bread fly this time! LOL

    • tjdavis profile image

      Teresa Davis 4 years ago from Moscow, Texas

      HAHAHAHA this was the funniest hub..you should be a stand-up comic..:-)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Teresa,

      Aww, thanks for that awesome comment! I am smiling from ear to ear! :)

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Sweet Josh,

      Are you nuts? Oh baby, I meant your peanut butter... or is it plain? I just wanna get this recipe right when I try!

      Sorry, but the paramedics are on the way... I called 911 before I read your disclaimer. As a nurse, the first thing I checked was your nutritional info. The second thing I checked was my heart rate...I had tachycardia (goin real fast from LOL)!

      Voted UP & FAB! Once again, I agree with that "Sunshine Lady"... to me "you coulda been a contender"! Hugs, Maria

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Maria,

      Thanksfor your awesome and truly hilarious comment! I hope the paramedics were able to help you out! LOL I dcould of won perhaps, :) Thanks again Maria and have a wonderful day!

    • Gypsy48 profile image

      Gypsy48 4 years ago

      Love this very entertaining hub. Chunky peanut butter and jelly is my favorite kind of sandwich, although chunky is much harder to spread:)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Gypsy48,

      Thanks so much for your feedback on this here silly recipe of mine! LOL Glad you enjoyed it! Yes, chunky is harder to spread!

    • Alma Cabase profile image

      Alma Cabase 4 years ago from Philippines

      Funny and cute! No wonder you won. XD

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Alma,

      Thanks glad you liked it!

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      A delightful hub and a true winner. Great photos too!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Vellur,

      Thanks! Glad you liked it! :)

    • profile image

      danielabram 4 years ago

      Ironic, while I was reading this I was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      daniel,

      There you go! :) Some people went on to eat one after reading! LOL

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      Who would have ever thought that it would have taken exactly 9,999 words to describe how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. Impressive. I will definately have to put this use!

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

      Hahahahaha!! Very well done satire. Love your customer support hours... errrrrr... minutes. And your fees are entirely in line with tech support these days...although exactly what they are supporting, I'm not sure.

      (And I did have a Peanut Butter sandwich earlier; but I make mine with honey instead of jelly...I just love squeezing the little plastic bear.)

      Voted up and funny.

    • profile image

      ignugent17 4 years ago

      Very funny josh :-))). Congratulations!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Stacy,

      Thanks for visiting Stacy! So good to see you! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Lizzy,

      LOL, thanks glad you thought this one was funny! I put a lot of time and effort into it! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      ignugent17,

      Glad you enjoyed this one friend! :)

    • RunningDeer profile image

      RunningDeer 4 years ago from Iowa

      What's even better is if you add a third piece of bread and toast this one only. Then while that is toasting, put jelly on the other two untoasted pieces of bread. When the toasted one is done, peanut butter both sides of the toast. BEST SANDWICH EVER. :)

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      LOL!!! That was a good way to end of my day reading this - very funny! Thanks for writing such a fresh, funny and entertaining hub - I really enjoyed reading it :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Congratulations on your Hubbie Award! There's nothing like a toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich after midnight. voted up!

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