McDonald's BBQ Bacon Burger

Well you add bacon to anything, particularly a hamburger, you really cannot go wrong. Bacon adds a bit of pizzazz, tasty fat, and a little bit of crunch sometimes. It's great by itself for breakfast, but will entertain any meal of the day. Bacon is awesome.

And I am not really sure why barbecue sauce is associated with Western - as in the old west - cuisine. Usually it compliments ribs or chicken, or can be inserted into a pulled pork sandwich for a delicious snack. I think of it as more southern - as in St. Louis style - but the association doesn't bother me.

This sandwich combines the two, adds a slice of cheese and then tops it with some onion straws.

I'm not sure who thought up this mixture, but it's pretty good. You see variations of this type in many burger establishments. Probably the most famous is the Western Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl's Jr.

When Carl's was good, it was probably the best burger around.

The burger itself looked all right: a shiny bun that looked freshly prepared, a flat thin patty that looked pressed by hand, a thick slice of yellow cheese and crispy bits of bacon intermingled with onion ring pieces.

The fragrance was reassuring and inspired my taste buds. When I touched the bread it was resistant and had a bit of character to it. I could feel a cool breeze and saw straws of wheat swaying back and forth. Somewhere in the distance, I detected the aroma of a grill in a backyard, even though I was locked in my apartment. I even heard some sizzling as a burger was flipped over with a stainless steel spatula fashioned somewhere in Europe - perhaps from the Middle Ages.

The next question then, would the experience match the introduction?

I was a bit concerned because I had recently seen a video by the group ABC for their song, When Smokey Sings, and I kid you not, it was almost as long as the song itself. I expected to see the Superbowl in 4D, flying flames, or even girls pirouetting after that intro.

Alas...

After my first bite, I have to admit, I was sorely disappointed.

The burger was cold, and bland tasting. There was absolutely no flavor. Even the tangy-ness of the barbecue sauce came across as artificial and overbearing. The meat was a flat pile of thick leaves. The cheese, like a wet Kleenex. The onion shards were harsh pieces of sawdust and the bacon crunched like a raw, unsalted lampshade.

The fries were another animal altogether, having wandered in from the wilderness and taken a stroll on an Antarctic beach before being deposited into the cardboard container which looked like a shirt borrowed from a candy stripper. In short, they were pretty lousy.

Well, I kind of went after this sandwich on a whim. I had heard about it and how it was compared to CJ's. I really liked CJ's at one time. About twenty years ago, when I wanted a burger, that was what I got. The Western Bacon Cheeseburger.

Something happened a little bit after that - they replaced their recipe with talcum powder or Argon gas - and things haven't been the same since.

I had hoped for better.

Basically, the good thing about this burger, is it doesn't taste like McDonald's. Usually when you buy things there - the fries, the burger, the chicken nuggets, everything taste like slightly overcooked canola oil and tree bark. The flavor is distinct, especially in their hamburgers which usually all taste the same.

This one, was slightly different.

I can tell they were going for the artisan sort of ambience, but the battery behind their efforts isn't charged enough to produce even dim lights.