Really Big Food | Giant Cheetos Invade America

Who doesn't love over sized novelty food? It's both sustaining and a monument to the inexplicable and insane depths of the wastefulness which has consumed Western society ever since the damn 80's. (It's my theory that the 80's ruined the world as we know it. I'm happy to expound on this theory at tedious length to anyone who will listen. And provide me with a 10 gallon tub of irony flavored ice cream with extra sarcasm sprinkles.)

For years Cheetos have been making a tasty snack which would fit comfortably inside a toddler's mouth. Now they've released Giant Cheetos, Cheetos the size of small golf balls. Or large marshmallows.

The reason for the addition to the Cheetos family is unclear, and this (clearly ironic) statement from Frito Lay spokesperson, Ann Mukherjee sheds no light on the matter at all:

“People are looking for anything to break the negativity,” says Ann Mukherjee, marketing guru at Frito-Lay, which, at one point even considered — but junked the idea of — Cheetos the size of tennis balls.Frito-Lay hired cultural anthropologists who watched stressed workers fiddle with stuff on their desks — including stress balls. So why not Giant Cheetos, instead? “It’s a ball you can eat,” Mukherjee says.

I think. I think, that the message here is that people like to play with and eat balls.

Apparently the way to survive a recession is to make increasingly insane marketing decisions until people buy your products out of pity or morbid curiosity. (I'm not saying giant Cheetos will kill you necessarily, but I am saying that a big ball of aerated, flavored corn is bad news.) Especially if you follow the example that the advertisement sets and fire them into the waiting mouths (and possibly wind pipes) of your orange jumpsuit clad friends. (You know, the ones from maximum security, where the bad ass food consumers / murderers go.)

Note: Giant Cheetos should not be confused with this mutant puff Cheeto, which was fittingly actioned on Ebay

I'm not going to recommend that you actually eat these giant Cheetos any more than I'd recommend you drink a vat of toxic slime. That's not to say that a vat of toxic slime is the same as a giant Cheeto, but it is to say that I can't imagine either one of them being very good for you in the long run.

Giant carrots, that's where its really at.