The Sad, Identity Crisis of the Coconut

that there are several things in life that I do not understand. And there are things that I believe are good for the Ecological System, but then there stands the lowly coconut which does not cause any trouble, but is quick to serve human beings with refreshments and food if they cannot find anything more tasty. I will go as far to say that coconuts are the “Castaway’s Friend.”

The coconut if far from being an isolated nut. Actually the proud coconut is the coconut can be all three: a fruit, a nut, and a seed. Perhaps, the friendly coconut has an identity crisis, but handles it well. Fact: 85% of the coconuts are grown and shipped from Indonesia and the Philippines. The other 15% of the coconut production originates from India and Sir Lanka. So by this information, the coconut is a well-traveled fruit, errr, nut.

from the coconut? Okay. The expert cooks take a coconut, break it in half and shred the coconut into a fine ingredient to use in cakes and sometimes the pies. A coconut, if you choose to be wild, can be hulled out and then a few jumbo shrimp are deposited in the half and the party is on!

Then there are the coconut purists, who take the coconut and then treat it with respect and then drill a hole in the bottom and drink the tasty milk that is held inside. The white meat of the coconut can be eaten without cooking it into another dish. So you see, a coconut is very versatile and this is why most chefs choose the coconut to use in their kitchens.

And all of this background concerning the coconut is all good and fine and I hope that you find it interesting, but the sad fact is this: coconuts are a sad meat, not longing to associate with other island fruits and nuts. Only the coconuts associate with each other and somehow they make the relationship work. But the sad fact is that the coconut is very depressing, but they cover it well, due to the fact that they do not stand-up and storm to the supermarket customers: Hey! Take a look at us. We will rule the world one day. And when the coconut is finished speaking, the entire supermarket staff and customers are running for dear life. I would too. I would not know how to handle a talking coconut.

in the Party Scene? This is where the common coconut really gets it brown husk on and when they sip some rum along with the delicious milk, they literally cut a rug—singing and partying from late night until daylight. I know what you may be thinking. No. The coconuts are nothing in comparison with the film, Critters. These little troublemakers tore their town up simply because their owner fed them at midnight and let water get on their hair. With the coconut, they are so strong that they can allow the white meat inside to be eaten and still dance the night away.

As for the nice, caring, and humble exterior of the coconut, I can share that in some far-flung island chains of Hawaii and Indonesia, natives used the coconut as a powerful defensive weapon. When these island people watched as some other enemy tribe was coming their way, they used their coconut tree climbing skill to head to the very top of the tree and when the timing was just right, coconuts filled the air and took care of the enemy tribes, so now do you think that the coconut is as sweet as “the coconut next door?”

Coconuts can also be fashioned into musical instruments and used as the sound of a horse walking on a cobblestone street due to the two halves of the coconut being hollow. Then again, the dare-devil party crowd used to take a drill and make a hole in the side of the coconut. Then with a small funnel, the rum was poured inside the coconut that mixed well with the delicious coconut milk. The coconut is really a Renaissance Nut—better put, “a Coconut for All Seasons.”

Now for the risque part of this narrative. In severe castaway situations, when a female and a male were trapped on an island, the female used two halves of a coconut and used it for a bra, because the female wanted to be respected by the male castaway. If you ask me, the female was much brighter.

I leave you now with a song title made famous by Harry Nilsson. “Lime in The Coconut,” and the story goes that he only used one guitar chord being played as the song was unfolding. Cute, yes? Interesting, yes.

So now you know that even the humble, nice, and dangerous coconut can also be a fine subject for a nice song. No. I do not want to talk about bananas.

May 16, 2019_____________________________________