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What Is Stuff?

Updated on April 23, 2012
Chocalate Bars
Chocalate Bars

We don't really want to think about what things are composed of -- especially food. The "pink slime" story ran through several news cycles recently. Pink slime defenders found nothing wrong with people consuming human hair, a wide variety of insects, and left-over, synthetic materials. Sometimes I can suppress my knowledge of the elemental ingredients contained in foods. Sometimes I can't. When I'm in the "can't" mode, it's really difficult to do grocery shopping. My mind works something like this:

  • Chocolate bar = solidified bovine milk excretions mixed with cocoa beans (which are never free of roaches or roach droppings)
  • Regular or diet soda = pure bloat
  • Any alcohol beverage = sclerosis of the liver
  • Frozen pepperoni pizza = solidified bovine milk excretions mixed with the lowest grade animal sirree, mashed tomatoes, flowing grease
  • Ice cream = frozen, solidified bovine milk excretions plus a dozen artificial flavorings and stabilizers
  • All-beef hot dogs = cow snouts/tails/entrails and floor sweepings
  • Cereal = cholesterol bomb with bits of insects
  • Soup (any variety) = vegetables, fatty beef/poisoned clams/boiled-off chicken extract plus a chemist's shop full of preservatives
  • Spinach = natural leaves grown in artificial nitrates and sprayed regularly with insecticide.
  • Crackers = pure starch
  • Beef jerky = strips of cattle flesh and enough preservatives to embalm a corpse
  • Peanut butter = lard with mashed peanuts
  • Spam = radioactive mice and other lab animals
  • Eggs = unfertilized chicken embryos
  • Bottled water = non-unionized water from lakes, streams, reservoirs exposed to unknown open-air pollution and chemical seepage.
  • Bacon = strips of hog flesh from the fattiest regions
  • Butter = pure fat derived from bovine milk

These associations are the result of reading magazine articles, news pieces, journals, and listening to expose-type television broadcasts.



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