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Breakup Chicken Recipe May Be the Antidote to Engagement Chicken

Updated on July 18, 2016
Arrange the Breakup Chicken as unattractively as possible on the plate.
Arrange the Breakup Chicken as unattractively as possible on the plate. | Source

Delicious Breakup Chicken May Be the Cure for Relationships Manipulated by Engagement Chicken

A few years back Engagement Chicken became an Internet sensation. Supposedly, the dish was so delicious that the person you served it to would ask you to marry him or her. Well, this chicken isn't that good. Actually, no chicken is that good. Anyway, if you were unwise enough ask someone to marry you after being served some lemony poultry thing with herbs or unwise enough to marry someone who just wanted you for your cooking skills there is a way out.

This tasty fowl should be able to counteract the effects of any poultry-based culinary spell intended to predispose its victims to propose. Early research suggests it may also provide a cure for victims of Matrimonial Mutton, Wedlock Wildebeest, and Betrothal Beef, but the author makes no claims as to its effectiveness against any non-bird, meat-based love potions.

Breakup Chicken isn't so awful he'll ask for a divorce or so good she'll want to marry it instead of you but it will give you something to serve after using it to work off some of your tension. And it will leave you with most of a bottle of your favorite white wine if that doesn't work for you.

It may well be the antidote for Engagement Chicken but I just serve it when we're craving a bit of rosemary chicken. It's actually even more delightful made with dark meat like boneless, skinless chicken thighs as it makes for a more tender chicken. The sauce is delightful in any case.

Eat up, break up, and enjoy!

Cook Time

Prep Time: whatever

Total Time: as long as it takes

Serves: 2


  • 2 large boneless skinless chicken breasts or 4 boneless, skinless chicken thighs, thawed but still chilly
  • 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons of any white wine you enjoy
  • 2 to 4 cloves garlic, peeled
  • 3 tablespoons salted butter, melted
  • 2 woody sprigs of fresh rosemary about five to seven inches long each, as firm and woody as you can find
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1 tablespoon fresh tears can be used instead, if desired
  • 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, extra slutty olive oil can be substituted if necessary
  • 1 teaspoon corn starch
  • additional salt to taste
  • a few grinds of fresh cracked pepper
  • Optional Ingredients: A relationship-spanning helping of negative emotions including, but not limited to rage, disgust, and disharmony, re-iterated ad nauseum until the relationship is done.

There's No Reason To Go To Extremes - No Nitro, Please!

The author does not recommend the use of dynamite or any other nitroglycerin-based explosives in food preparation.  This would be Spend The Rest of Your Life in Prison with a Wishbone Through Your Temporal Lobe Chicken rather than Breakup Chicken.
The author does not recommend the use of dynamite or any other nitroglycerin-based explosives in food preparation. This would be Spend The Rest of Your Life in Prison with a Wishbone Through Your Temporal Lobe Chicken rather than Breakup Chicken. | Source


  1. Remove all but a third of the rosemary leaves. Chop the ones you removed and put them aside; the practice will be good for you.
  2. Using a sharp knife, cut the sturdy rosemary stems to sharply angled points.
  3. Peel the garlic cloves and cut them into eighths.
  4. Melt the butter in a small, non-reactive, microwavable, sealable container and stir in a few grinds of black pepper, the quarter teaspoon of salt, the garlic, one quarter cup of white wine and the chopped rosemary leaves. It won't really mix all that well, but that's OK, not everything does.
  5. Allow the butter mixture to cool, cover it, and just leave it somewhere in the kitchen and until you're ready to deal with it.
  6. Wrap the chicken breasts loosely in plastic wrap, lay them on a cutting board on a sturdy counter or table and hit them, either until you feel you've worn out your desire to punch things, you've split the plastic wrap, your hand gets tired or sore from punching, or until you think they are thin and tender enough to roll up. I usually go for that last one. If you have delicate hands, feel free to hit the chicken with anything hygienic and washable. A rolling pin should work nicely.
  7. Unwrap the chicken breasts and put the plastic wrap in the trash so you can take it out when you kick him or her to the curb. No one wants rotten dead things stinking up the place or getting anyone sick.
  8. Spread half of the butter mixture on each flattened chicken breast as if you were spreading butter on toast.
  9. Roll each breast up like a rug with a body in it.
  10. Push the meat roll into a sort of serpentine shape and slowly stab it with your rosemary stem skewer from end to end, twisting slightly as you go. The intent is to shove the rosemary right into the longest part of the chicken breast roll and leave it there, somewhat securing the rolled up state of the meat.
  11. Lay the rolled up and rosemary speared breasts in a storage container just large enough to place them in side by side but not touching. Well, go ahead and let them touch, it'll be their last night together anyway. You can even stack them on top of each other if you really want to. Dump any remaining butter mixture in with them. It will probably be mostly wine.
  12. Cover the container tightly and put it in the refrigerator, preferably overnight, to keep it cold until you are ready to cook the dish.
  13. Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees and lightly grease a small, covered baking dish with one tablespoon olive oil.
  14. Dump the chicken breasts into the baking dish, marinade and all and cover tightly.
  15. Bake for about twenty minutes, or until chicken reaches 165 degrees inside as measured with a meat thermometer.
  16. Remove the breasts from the baking dish and set aside on a plate or whatever.
  17. Stir one teaspoon of corn starch into the two reserved tablespoons of white wine until the cornstarch is well dissolved.
  18. Stir the wine and cornstarch into the drippings left in the baking dish and return the dish to the oven for about six to eight minutes.
  19. The sauce will look bubbly and thickened when the starch gels.
  20. Add the chicken back into the baking dish and spoon the sauce over it.
  21. Cover and heat in the oven for five minutes or until chicken is warmed through.
  22. Serve covered with the sauce. Don't forget to do this because you'll want to be sure to counteract any effect from the "marry me juices" from that other recipe.

Was It Good Enough To Untie The Knot?

5 stars from 1 rating of Breakup Chicken
I chose black plates to serve my Breakup Chicken because the white made it look almost cute, like a six-legged piglet rather than a deformed, fatty insect.
I chose black plates to serve my Breakup Chicken because the white made it look almost cute, like a six-legged piglet rather than a deformed, fatty insect. | Source

Share Your Views On Matrimony Inducing Meals In The Comments At The Bottom Of The Page

Do you find the idea of using chicken for behavioral modification in humans as strange as I do? Or do you believe in the magic of Engagement Chicken? I can readily understand teaching a dog a few tricks with bits of meat but it seems wildly inappropriate to attempt to get a mate to seal the bonds of matrimony with poultry. What do you think?

Behavior-Modification Worthy Bake-ware

Pyrex 2-Quart Glass Bakeware Dish
Pyrex 2-Quart Glass Bakeware Dish
Pyrex is lab-quality glassware in which you can bake behavior-modification poultry or just about anything else. Give your kitchen a bit of that 21st century steampunk (or something) feeling by mixing the wonders of modern culinary science with the superstitions of 20th century women's magazine readers.

© 2014 Kylyssa Shay


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