Bratz on the Beach Fashion Game Review

Bratz on the Beach is apparently the most popular fashion game on free online game website, My Play Yard. I get the impression that if Bratz on the Beach is truly the best My Play Yard has to offer, someone hasn't been trying very hard.

You may have noticed that the Bratz in the title is significantly reminiscent of the Bratz cartoon and merchandise franchise. You may also notice that this game bears significant graphical similarity to the style of art used in the aforementioned cartoon and merchandise. It's hard to miss the stick like body, the oversized head, the eyes as large as saucers, the moody little pout. Whether this is legitimately associated with the Bratz franchise is doubtful however, which adds a level of daredevil excitement to playing it that you won't find in the actual 'game'.

At first I couldn't see what the game actually entailed. The silly little cartoon doll blinked her eyes at me expectantly yet there was no obvious way to actually play. Then I spotted little icons hidden in the sand. Success! It appeared that I would play after all.

I clicked the little arrows either side of the hairstyle icon and saw that the hairstyle changed not one, but five times. That's five different hairstyles my rip=off Bratz doll can wear. You've also got eight bikini tops to choose from and 8 bikini bottoms (which makes a pleasing sort of symmetrical sense). You can also choose to be slightly more sun smart and wear tank tops and sarongs, not to mention a range of flip flops and high heels. Finally, you can choose to hold an accessory like a shell or a flower, or some kind of mixed drink. Then you can sob into your keyboard because of deep existential despair caused by the shallow game play.

I accept that some people feel that dress up games don't need a story line or any real point, but when a dress up game simply comes down to clicking arrows and doesn't even allow you to place the clothing yourself, you're no longer playing a game so much as generating a fashion sideshow. You could have more fun in a power point presentation than in this game.

Bratz on the Beach doesn't even bother with an annoying looping sound track, there is no sound at all. Seagulls fly by noiselessly in the background whilst purple silhouettes of women lounge about (there is no room for men on the Bratz beach) and it all takes place in a noiseless void.

The website says that eight people like this game. I think they're lying.