Free Online Chicken Games: Chicken Table Hockey

Chickens serve many functions in the modern world. They provide much needed entertainment at county fairs across the United States. They serve as guard-chickens for farms that don't have dogs or electric fences or shotguns. They offer up nourishment to ravenous food-court dwellers. Without chickens, Chik-Fil-A would be "French Fries and Lemonade".

Many self-respecting chicken aficionados might be shocked to learn that these multi-talented birds play table hockey with great skill and aplomb. It's true.

A free online chicken game proves our thesis: are you confident enough to take on a digital chicken in a spirited game of virtual table hockey? We didn't think so. Many hours of practice are required in order to rise to the level of a hockey playing chicken. You must choose, but choose wisely.

Ignore the biological fact that a chicken has an attention span of, well, every other chicken. Overlook their lack of opposable thumbs. Give them a free pass when they need to stop playing to sit on their eggs. Beyond that, it's all good.

Use your mouse to control your hockey thingy. Whack the puck toward their goal and retreat to defend your own goal. Score a point each time the puck sneaks into your opponents goal. Try to ignore the kibitzing chicken sitting in a human chair alongside the table. She may be saying "I got next." or "Loser buys hamburgers."

There's a clock on the wall behind your opponent's chicken head. We're not sure of the significance. Obviously, chickens can't tell time. Even if he could tell time, he'd have to take his beady eyes off the puck in order to glance over his bony shoulder at the clock. We''re not even sure if chickens have shoulders. A wristwatch would certainly be more appropriate in this scenario.

The chicken beat us.

We tried extra hard. We got a good night's rest, ate a hearty but healthy meal, brushed our teeth, stretched thoroughly, and listened to an inspirational song from our Michael Bolton collection on our iPod Nano. We were focused, tanned, and ready. It didn't help.

The chicken beat us badly.

This bird can play table hockey. Perhaps we caught him on a good day. Maybe he had recently learned that he was too stringy to join the Colonel Sanders Club. Maybe he was taking a little vacation from his full time job as a member of the Chinese ping pong team. For some unknown reason, this chicken is a table hockey savant. If he could find ice skates to fit his three-toed feet, he'd be a NHL all-star.

Sound effects are appropriate, game physics are reasonably real-world, and as long as you don't notice you're playing against a chicken, it's a fun way to spend your Summer Vacation. Use this free tool to hone your skills before joining the World Table Hockey Federation.

We suspect that other animals might provide better competition. Engaging a gazelle in a 100 yard dash or taking on a piranha in a spirited game of Marco Polo might present more of a challenge, but this game is free, online, and it has multiple chickens.

We harbor great respect for all of chicken-kind. Our deep love for all things chicken extends well beyond the drive-through at Popeye's. This free online chicken game offers up another level of chicken involvement heretofore unimagined by Internet dwellers. No longer must we go outside to play with our chickens.