Play the Guitar with Your Feet

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Question #1:

I am a successful juggler. Business has been bad lately, with the recession and the rising cost of rubber balls. I need a new angle for my act. Friends suggest that I take up a musical instrument but I tend to get out of breath when I juggle chainsaws. I couldn't possibly carry a tune on a saxophone while balancing the spinning plates and keeping 3 bowling balls in the air. What can I do?

Answer:

Play the guitar with your feet.

Question #2:

Our country is infested with snakes. We hired a guy who promised to help us. He has a flute, and he wants us to believe that he can lure all the snakes away by playing a few tunes. Evidently these particular snakes respond positively to music. He obviously needs help, and possibly counseling. Unfortunately, my countrymen and I are extremely busy beating the snakes to give him much support. Everywhere we go, we carry a burlap bag and a club. How can I help this earnest fellow?

Answer:

Play the guitar with your feet.

Question #3:

I'm a CEO (Chief Operating Officer) of an SEO (Search Engine Optimization) corporation. We provide advanced keyword analysis services, combining 4th generation mathematics and 3D modeling with fractal deconstruction centered around data warehouse leverage. Business is great but we have one deadbeat customer who will not leave us alone. We need a long tail keyword that will cause his online marketing business to collapse in a reeking heap of failure. What long tail keyword should we give to him?

Answer:

Play the guitar with your feet.

Question #4:

I love soccer (American Football). I play on several teams every weekend. All my friends also play soccer. Most of my friends also participate in a largely unsuccessful amateur rock band. They want me to join but I was born with my left and right hands reversed. I cannot play any rock 'n roll instrument that will cause us to rocket into the Top 40 on American FM radio, let alone on iTunes. I could play drums, but I can't find left-handed drumsticks. How can I join the band?

Answer:

Play the guitar with your feet.