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RPG Bridezilla

Updated on December 19, 2011

Wikipedia describes a bridezilla (a neologisticportmanteau of bride and Godzilla) as a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride. Obviously, whoever wrote that never had to plan and execute an entire roleplay game wedding. It’s not like we try to be brides from hell! If other people didn’t push our buttons, every last one of us would be the picture of grace and poise. If you’ve never before planned a wedding, especially one in an Iron Realms RPG, then expect others to try to hinder your progress at every turn; and the first person in the game who is going to do this is -- your future spouse. That’s right, your virtual groom himself!

THE GROOM

Style matters, and unless your fiance bears the surname of Trifari or Dior, he’s probably not going to have any real taste in jewellery. Without help, he’ll probably offer you his long-dormant grandmother’s outdated ring from her first roleplay game wedding. And there is no guarantee that the metal, stone, or size will be to your specifications. Girls, drop hints and plenty of them! Don’t waste any time! Start early, whispering them to him as he sleeps. Drag him shopping through every jewellery store your roleplay game has to offer, “Ooh”ing and “Aah”ing appropriately over wares you truly adore! If all else fails, have your maid of honor (Just never you mind that he hasn’t proposed yet, you know you’ve had her picked out since you were barely out of novicehood!) corner him and explain what you want to him in basic terms that even the most plain and simple male can understand.

THE GIFTS

Sadly, a lot people won’t get you what you really want when selecting a gift for your roleplay game wedding. Here’s where a carefully organized guest list can be most beneficial. Is your groom’s uncle a well-known chef? Ask him to provide cake for the ceremony! Is your grandmother a seamstress with a cache of patterns used in weddings for notable adventurers from past generations? Vintage is in, honey and you want to get all the free stuff that you can grab with your roleplay game character’s perfectly manicured fingers. The same goes for bits of jewellery, shoes and anything else you need for anyone in the ceremony who is not you. If people act surprised at this, then ignore them as everyone knows that without a bride, there would be no wedding. As the most important part of the big day, you are the only person who should have -- who deserves -- anything crafted from a brand new design pattern. Again, anyone who disagrees with you should be cut from the guest list.

THE PLANNING

Once the ring is on your finger, the groom’s job becomes very easy. He only has one thing to do between now and the “I do’s” -- get out of your way and agree with all of your plans! If you say you want him to be dressed in a flaming red tuxedo and a lime green vest with a matching bow tie, the only right answer is, “Yes, my bride.” And who is there to help you nail down those small details? Not your groom or your mother. Definitely not his mother. Once again, it’s your maid of honor! Unless she’s sleeping with your man behind your back, she’s your number one friend, supporter, and confidant as you plan out the day in which you will begin a new life with your one true love. Only a true ally will support you -- regardless of how irrational your demands. It’s worth noting that anyone who disagrees with you during this crucial time should be banned from what’s sure to be your game’s social event of the season.

THE CEREMONY

This is where the magic happens, girls. Sadly, despite all your careful planning, there’s a chance that some jealous tartlet is waiting for an opportunity to screw up your big day. Are you going to stand for this? No you are not. Make friends with a couple of burly fighters who can handle security at your wedding! This ensures that any who dare to make your special day anything less than a perfect memory will be tossed out the door.
The important thing in a wedding -- whether real or virtual -- is that the bride is happy. Let's face it, the groom is going to be miserable either way, and the less he is directly involved the easier it will be. If other people can't recognize that it's your special day, then it's their own problem to deal with...certainly not yours! Good luck to all future brides, and thanks to everyone who's read this far. Do you have a wedding tale to share? I'd love to hear your stories and comments below!

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