ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Games, Toys, and Hobbies»
  • Computer & Video Games»
  • Online Video Games

SecondLife addiction

Updated on May 25, 2009

Second life addiction

Yes, its true, It took over my life. SECOND LIFE was basically my first life. I basically couldn't turn the game off. Virtual shopping seemed to curb my taste for my real life shopping addiction. If you don't play many games, none of this will make sense to you. But, I am sure some of you are sitting there nodding your head!  I stopped answering my phone, which, it doesn't ring anymore. I rarely answered my text messages. I have friends ive not seen in i don't know how long.  My best friend would complain to me non stop about me living in my virtual world and I thought she didn't know what she was talking about. She barely speaks to me now.

I had landed myself in trouble in my real life and it was a nice escape into a world where no one knew my real life issues. I threw myself into the game.. obsessed with making lindens, having a sexy avatar, dating the sexiest male avatar, which turned out was a girl!  I have beautiful homes in my inventory, I have animals in my inventory, you name it, Secondlife has it. Yes, Even SEX. But we wont go into that. As its only a small part.  I spent many many hours in the game... I didn't want to leave my house. Second life, became my FIRST life.  People log in annd get virtual jobs, and virtual lives, and I am sure I am not the only one who let their first life slide.  SO! DONT get so wrapped up in the game.... It has been 3 days since I have logged in, my friends in the game are texting me to make sure I am ok. Perhaps later I will log in for an hour or so.... perhaps not....  dont let this happen to you..... take it from an addict.... it can control and ruin your real life.....

 SAFE GAMING! Shut it off after a couple hours!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Rick 13 months ago

      Well add me to the list of addicts- I'm having a very hard time stopping! I've been losing sleep, my relationship with my wife is strained. For me it's been yes, the relationships-yes, the sex, -and most of all, the ability to be something completely different. I've always felt non binary in my gender. SL, I can be anything I want. It's so, so very addictive. In the few months I've been on, I've probably spent $100usd, countless hours glued to the screen... It's all I can think about at times. As others have said, I even dream dreams about SL. It's frightening, the idea that I might not beat this thing. I have to. I can't stand living like this. I've deleted many identities already, and either get them restored, or spend more money creating a new me. Every waking moment at home that I'm not on SL I get antsy. I want my life back.

    • profile image

      Good Riddence SL 14 months ago

      I want to thank all that have posted their stories here. It really helps others that are having mixed feelings about SL sort their minds out – like me! I’ve played SL for 10 years! I am married in RL and have a family. I logged into SL out of curiosity and after a few months I was completely engulfed by it. I ended up marrying someone in SL and had a very long relationship with this SL partner. I won’t go into details but I will say that he was also married in SL yet we both “fell in love”. Our RL and SL experiences and daily lives were blended. We maintained contact throughout the day and ended our nights together in SL (this was easy as both our spouses are avid gamers so we were ignored in RL). We were inseparable for the 10 years we were there.

      We learned a lot together in SL we became very good builders and land barons. However, he recently decided to end the relationship - I didn’t see it coming. I won’t go into details but it completely devastated me to the point that I was physically ill, could not eat or sleep well for weeks. I eventually had to seek professional help to cope with this. I have not been able to log back into SL since the breakup as it is very painful for me. He remained in SL moving on to the next person and this has been the hardest part of all to deal with – his rejection - after all, we were friends for 10 years!

      With therapy, I now I realize the damage I could have avoided in my RL if I would have stayed away from SL. I neglected my spouse and my children whom at the time were in their crucial teenage years. If I would have paid more attention to my RL perhaps my children would have been in a better position today. My SL experience only started as pure innocent curiosity. I am an educated professional with a high-level career. I never in a million years thought I would fall into an emotional virtual relationship, but I did and now I am trying to heal these wounds on my own because I’ve lived this secret fantasy life. Stay away from SL – it is all a fantasy and you will feel lonelier once you snap out of the SL trance.

    • profile image

      Flatpack 17 months ago

      I thought I'd drop by again as I've posted on here occasionally over the years. My update is that I still log in to Second Life quite a bit and at the moment I'm going through an addiction phase, having spent most of the last few days either logged in or making textures in Gimp. I hasten to add that this is very unusual for me! It's not for a familiar reason such as a secret SL relationship or even because my real life is problematic. No, it's because I decided to update one of my favourite builds and also my avatar, which involves making my own textures, which in turn involves a fair amount of trial and error and is very time consuming. Still, that's done now and so I should really reduce the hours I spend in SL considerably.

    • profile image

      Fortitude1 2 years ago

      I think the points I may make/raise have been made in this blog. I comment as I have read all of these interesting and enlightening and really painful comments and it’s helped me - so thanks for sharing.

      I came to this post- because of the length of time I have been spending on this game- it’s been about 2 months in SL and I needed to address that. I have been staying up late to the early hours of a morning (most on line SL communites are in a diffnt time zone), sitting on the computer for a weekend for 10 hours at a time, in RL thinking about my avatar, my profile, making more avatars, my look, excited to get home from work to go on the computer and struggling with the invasive, flirty, maybe even, if I admit it wanted online sexual comments/content. I’ve struggled with my own moral codes, as I have a serious long term honest RL relationship.

      I am a very self-aware person (doesn’t mean I’m all together but I’m truthful with myself) and it means I am able to acknowledge and recognise reasons as to why I behave a certain way - that doesn’t mean it is easy to change or that I do .A particular comment made here early on was 'The fact is that the human brain can NOT decipher what is make believe and what is real- when all the human sensors are engaged and exited- aroused.. the brain perceives it as a real experience'. That best describes where I’m at and the type of person I am! I bring myself as a RL person in to SL.

      I initially met a few people that I felt and still do were genuine, very helpful with designing my avatar, and understanding this game, and some remain SL friends (as much as you can know someone in this game on a short period - 4 weeks), others did not. I had to evaluate a positive –same page friendship with a male avatar (newbie like myself)- which made me sad, as he began looking for an online relationship - he just got sucked in to the game, I could see boundaries being crossed that I certainly couldn’t do, (from an emotional point of view and cyber-sex(yes it is sex! in my opinon)

      The point I’m trying to make, in my opinion and short experience is that it seems some people can separate SL and RL, you have to know your motivations, what you will do or are willing to do (i.e. RL marriage but you’ll go to sex club/troll people, when in real life you’re not like that, skimpy outfits, good time dancing in the clubs, DJ, escorts, a dragon, a breeder, be a creator, be a rabbit, toddler, in a vampire clan, an explorer, a mermaid, a pilot etc. etc. etc.)

      BUT if you are looking for some kind of RL (boundaries/moral codes/etc) in SL – which has maybe! been my basis in SL – this is hard to obtain! And if you are, you need to ask yourself why that is the case and what it will do to you if it does not deliver/or meet your needs and what lengths you will go to!

      I understand this is a game visually very clever and imaginative with lots of worlds (I like this part very much). I believe for some people it works well enough a fantasy world and they shut down their computer and avatar. But for others it becomes a personal extension of themselves, a world where yes they can do/be what they want which is seductive, dangerous and confusing!

    • profile image

      Marion 2 years ago

      Deleted my six year avatar and account. At least 1,000.00 spent. I had land, partners, friends. But it's not reality. Deleting freed me. I realized I was living a lie, lonely, that many people use the medium to lie. Why risk my own mental health or put myself out there for people who are messed up? The game (medium) is for shut ins and people who are messed up, so they may compensate for what they lack in real life. The sad thing is if you don't get out and live, really live, you will remain a fake in some virtual reality. Choice is yours to make: face yourself, flaws and all in real life, or continue to hide yourself and lie to yourself.

      My avatar was me. But me meant being lonely, feeling my avatar was better than I am, it also meant not changing my real life, or not even trying to. I'm a recovering SL addict, thank God I found the strength to walk away, permanently .

    • profile image

      tony cinco 2 years ago

      I wish the whole game would just crash and burn. I feel its the only way my wife will ever let it go no matter how much damage it does to our relationship. She has carried on online sexual relationships and she doesnt seem to grasp how hurtful they were. Though she seems to have stopped that aspect she will still spend more hours in game then she will spend time with me in real life. Fuck this stupid "game". I am nearly done with how much i will tolerate

    • profile image

      Flatpack 3 years ago

      An update from my post of 4 months ago, where I suggested the idea of a strict timetable for limiting one's hours on SL. I changed the timetable a bit and I proved to myself that I could keep to it but I have lapsed, perhaps a bit complacent in the knowledge that I can keep to the timetable if I force myself. I did discover that I enjoy my time in SL more if I limit it, but feel guilty and depressed if I break the limits to any great extent. I'll just have to try a bit harder - it does work but it requires willpower.

    • profile image

      Ms.13 3 years ago

      I have an SL addiction story to share too... I am married and used to just go onto SL to roam around and appreciate the beauty of it. I made a few friends but nobody I ever hung out with regularly, particularly since I was married. Then I met "Don" ( also married in RL) and he changed all that. We were on every night together for at least a couple of hours. While neither of us was on as long each day as some have posted, it became very habit forming for me. Don was also on a whole lot of other times I was not. Long story short, we met in RL as we only lived a couple hours away from one another. We clicked in RL big time. We both left SL and had a RL affair for a while. Then it got hard for him. He felt he couldn't risk it, so we stopped seeing eachother. We did remain friends on the phone though, and talked multiple times a week. We still loved eachother, but the physical affair was over. Then I found out he was back on SL having sex again. Even though our relationship was completely non-SL by this time, it cut me to the core. I wanted to go back on SL and be with him there again, but he would not let me. Said it would be too hard on him and he'd want to see me in RL even more than he already did. I tried really hard to be okay with him having sex on SL and still saying he loved me and was my boyfriend in RL. The breaking point came when he also told me he met somebody new in SL that he had feelings for, but that he still loved me in RL. Oh, and he loved his wife too. Let's not forget her! Also, whenever I signed on, he would blow me off to "chat with a friend". The worst time was the last time I tried to talk to him. He completely ignored me, probably to go have sex with his new girlfriend. I called him up the next day in RL and told him I couldn't take it anymore. I told him either spend time with me in SL OR stop being on SL completely.

      Well, he chose neither of those options. He is on SL with a new girlfriend, hiding it from his wife, and repeating history. As for me, I decided its too painful to continue on that game as the emotions from this breakup get the best of me. I deleted the game and my account. I decided to focus on RL and my husband, who fortunately is nothing like Don. Don is on there now wasting his time with a new woman. I don't know if and when he will ever stop doing it. I know he is lost to me.

    • profile image

      Kim 3 years ago

      I can never really forgive myself for my Second Life addiction. Some seven years ago I logged on just to find out what it was all about and got sucked into it, spending hundreds of dollars on my credit card that I shouldn't have. I was totally and completely consumed with it.

      Looking back now, some part of me rationalizes my addiction from coming from an addicted family. My father was an alcoholic and my mother had psychiatric problems and was addicted to various drugs. They abandoned me as a young child and my grandmother raised me. I to this day believe I am more prone to addictions because of my history.

      I drifted away from Second Life for a while and returned to it two years ago. I spent hours and hours on it, even during work I'd log in. I neglected one of the closest friends I ever had, or ever could imagine having, in my RL. I stopped visiting, I stopped emailing, I just became totally consumed in my Second Life life. My friend wanted to see me, asked... I just ignored the pleas and kept logging into Second Life. I didn't realize my addiction... it was a perpetual habit that I just kept engaging in.

      A year ago, I was told my friend was sick with cancer. I was consumed with worry... but I could not reach out... I kept saying that I would... soon... then I would log into Second Life and nothing was on my mind but the game. I was completely engrossed in it.

      Three weeks ago something in my mind said, call... call... call... it is time to call him... I once more pushed it from my mind as I logged into Second Life. I said, I'll do it soon... I'll do it soon... Last week I got the call from a mutual friend saying my dear friend had just died. I spent two more days logged into Second Life pushing the pain from my mind till the point I had a complete breakdown and I begged for forgiveness and swore I would never, ever log into Second Life again. I uninstalled Second Life from every computer I own, work and home, and now I have to deal with the unimaginable pain of what I've done and how I've treated my once beloved friend who had done more for me than I can ever write about here or have words eloquent enough to share with another so it could be understood.

      I thought I would have more time.

      I thought that I would have MORE TIME.

      Now I will spend the rest of my life with the guilt of what I've done, what I've lost, how I must have made my friend suffer because of my absence. How can I ever forgive myself now? It is a journey of pain that I have gifted myself, but to feel sorry for myself is such a selfish and vapid thing, because I don't deserve to be felt sorry for what pain I brought.

      I CHOSE to log into Second Life. I CHOSE to become engrossed in it, to push my real life aside and be the selfish little twit that I really am. Now all I can do is beg forgiveness every night and look at myself in the mirror and know the true type of person, of friend, that would push a dear, beloved friend away in their hour of pain and suffering to play a stupid computer game called Second Life.

      If anyone is reading this and it strikes a chord in you, please, I implore you, run and delete Second Life from your computer. I am one week out of Second Life and I feel that I am emerging from a fog and the pain I have to now embrace is so overwhelming that I'm not sure what I will do or how I can handle it. I need psychiatric help to come to terms with what I've done.

      How different it would be now in my life if I never knew of Second Life. I used to be loving, caring, compassionate, interested in others, of their plight and how I could help them. I turned totally away from RL, and I didn't have a bad RL really, when I logged into SL and got caught up in it.

      It isn't Second Life's fault, but it is my own. I am totally and completely to blame.

      If you see any of this in your life, please, please get rid of it.

    • profile image

      Flatpack 3 years ago

      In my post above is my suggestion for dealing with SL addiction for those who still enjoy SL and don't want to give up altogether.

      But I was thinking how best to deal with a real-life partner's SL addiction. Anger and condemnation I think would be counter productive, because SL is obviously important to them and it's just likely to alienate them more. Better to say that you understand how important SL is to them, but that they're probably spending too much time / money on it.

    • profile image

      Flatpack 3 years ago

      Recently I'd been spending too much time in SL and it was affecting my state of mind. But I like SL and don't want to give it up, so I've made myself a strict timetable that means there are 4 days per week when I don't allow myself to log in, and restricted periods on the remaining 3 days when I can log in - up to a maximum of 12 hours per week, which I will probably reduce to 10.

      It seems to work well so far, and my real life seems more contented and SL seems more fun too.

    • profile image

      mewmew 3 years ago

      i really want to destroy that game like i mean get rid of account to people who take it seriously,or maybe something a little more...

    • profile image

      alone in life 3 years ago

      I know it addict to this game my bf is that all he want to do is be on this game an are love life suck because of this game he say that in this game he is not in the real world.A it make me sick.

    • profile image

      StrugglingSLAddict 3 years ago

      I had to read all your posts, well the ones that had paragraph separations XD. I am both pleasantly surprised & horrified that there are so many with similar stories, some more close to my own than others.

      I began with a few log in's a week, for perhaps a couple hours each in 2008. I had quite a few friends that spend 12 hours a day on SL, mostly from Germany. I just thought they liked the game.

      In my past, I walked away from the addicting medication of pain management after a severe injury, much to the surprise of my doctor, who never saw any do that without a tooth & nail struggle. The drugs afforded me more movement & helped my recovery, when they were no longer needed, I stopped.

      I would go to Vegas, spend my $20 in complementary money, then hit the shows, not spending a single dollar of mine at the casinos. So not having an addictive personality, I did not know there was such a thing as second life or gaming addiction. I would have been WAY more careful, had I known.

      SL was not a problem until my sister lost her battle with breast cancer. Down the rabbit hole of SL I went. Perhaps my sister's death made me more vulnerable to this.

      This damn social game did what nothing else could, it made me an addict. I am not sure what changed with my brain's neurons & synapses that is causing this. What I do know, is on my deathbed, I will regret the 5 years I've wasted in Second Life.

      I read your posts and think “If I had kids & partner I would not get addicted to SL.” Then look around at my messy house & real life & think “Who the heck am I kidding, good thing it is just me I am destroying over the time spend in SL.”

      Since SL I gained 40 pounds & type II diabetics. That did not get me away from SL. Desperately, I tried to avoid my SL “friends”, stop the SL activities that I enjoyed, gave up my virtual land, all thinking that if it is not fun, I will not log in.

      I still log in! I rented an SL trailer & spent time putting furniture down, then spent hours changing the look of my AV. When I was done I asked “What is wrong with me that I keep doing this?” (My after log off remorse is bad.)

      I will try removing my viewers & pray the servers at linden labs get struck by lightening.

      One can only hope.

    • profile image

      OnlyOneLife 3 years ago

      Feelslikerain, your whole post sums it up perfectly. Couldn't have said it better myself, and I join you in your warning to others.

    • profile image

      Feelslikerain 3 years ago

      Quit October 2011. Never looked back. The friends I left behind are still broken. Don't work, crap parents.. SL is the "land of misfit toys" I played, I was broken, could of easily fallen in the rl loser trap. But I wanted more for myself. I lost years sitting at the computer. Made me a RL social misfit. But I appreciate the need for many people that play that have a new world to be social when maybe RL restricts them in one way or another. For those people I think SL is amazing. For the rest, watch your life fade away, health and social skills. I hope I can help one other person quit.

    • profile image

      joe 3 years ago

      My fiancee started playing online games innocently enough, much the same as I used to play call of duty often. But then came second life... In a matter of one month she longed minimum 11 hrs a day, caught her cheating on me with someone else who plays. The same way the author said she had gotten into some real life trouble my now ex- girlfriend had some the same but in a way that I was truly the one to blame. So she would use the same excuse that it helped her forget about things. Me feeling guilty let her continue to play. But once her charges where dismissed and she was out of school (for the summer, not sure if she ever finished) the mortgage was due and the bills piling up. She refused to quit. I'd give her ultimatums.... No luck. I really love this girl but when I had enough I smashed my computer. She couldn't handle it. She got violent and even threatened suicide. I couldn't take it any longer. Last time I saw her she was leaving with her mom (a known drug addict) my heart continues to break more and more. Sincerely, SL effected my RL

    • profile image

      SLFriend159 4 years ago

      Personally I love SL. SL can be a good game to be on, those that get addicted just have a problem. I've had this one guy on SL that has chatted me up, so many times, & I just ignore him, & stuff. I don't go on SL & go to clubs, parties, or date random people, go shopping, etc. So yeah, I just mute/block those guys.

      I have a RL BF & He is on SL, he does do any of that either. He & I only date, & spend time with each other. We do hang out with friends, but, most of the time we only explore, & build stuff. Plus he & I can't see each other in RL cause he lives a long way from me, & SL is the only way we can hang out, & visit other places around the world. If you keep a level head & use common sense & actually trust each other, then SL is not a life/relationship/marriage ruining thing.

      Beside why hit on/date/have sex with avatars that you don't know the person behind them personally? It's stupid. I only talk to & hang out with people I know on SL & in RL!

    • profile image

      Candice 4 years ago

      Well I understand second life can be bad, but its a game and games can be bad sometimes. I play second life since 2009 and it helps me distract a lot, and I go out with my bf and with my friends, when i m with them i dont think about sl... but when im at home with nothing to do and life gets boring I go to second life and I have fun with people I know they are not my rl friends but makes us feel better too altough. I love fashion, travel... and there i can afford and go to places even if they are virtual that i never had opportunity to go in my rl. So yes first life main second life alt, second life for me is not a game but a second chance.

    • profile image

      StormiRaven 4 years ago

      I am a former addict of SL and rue the day that I introduced it to my husband. At first it was a way for us to explore together and then he gradually pushed me away. So to keep my mind off of it I chose to get out of it and stay away even though I left a coulple great freindships behind. NOw our Marriage is falling apart and I am to the point where I do not care even. If I am going to be this alone while I am married why bother fighting for it. Why not be alone with no one to answer to?

    • profile image

      tita 4 years ago

      i accept it i am fully addicted to sl i can tell u a million excuses to say why i play sl it can be how my country is so dangerous to get outside and actually live your rl cause u dont know if u are gonna come back home safe but reality is is an addiction and i cant get out of it yes as many had shared i have a full inventory rarely speak to my relatives or friends havent gone out dance or hang out with friends for weeks! and i dont know what to do have had my heart broken many times in sl and it sucks and maybe this last time is the best way to finally say goodbye to it am a succesfull profesional woma rl with many friends who miss me and i should go back to my rl wish me luck!

    • profile image

      sallypally 4 years ago

      To read Tory's full story google "How Dylan Rickenbacker Recovered From Second Life Addiction (And Still Managed To Stay in SL)" its there in the comments section.

    • profile image

      ishikahua 5 years ago

      If you need help with your addicted husband, send me an email, I can block his account from SL

    • profile image

      Feelslikerain 5 years ago

      I have quit second life as of November 1st 2011. This will be my last comment. If you are still playing SL and have many "friends" wait until you quit, or have to take a break. All those people you have such a strong friendship with will go on without you. I was surprised what a "black sheep" I soon became in my circle friends. None of those people can ever have a convo that is like the ones we had in world because they are all busy signed into the game and have no time for non sl people. I have let them all go. My rule is, if you still play sl, I have no time for you in my RL. And things are 100% better. Get away as soon as you can, don't

    • profile image

      Flatpack 5 years ago

      The amount of bugs and glitches Second Life has these days are enough to cure a lot of addicts!

    • profile image

      SL is my Shrink 5 years ago

      I really hate to say this but I've really decided the only way I can associate with anyone anymore in SL is if they will give me their RL story, email and phone number and I call them and build a RL relationship as well as a SL one. And that might also include (shudder) RL visits too! Because THEN your time is not wasted. You've built actual friends. And if SL goes away? No problem...

    • profile image

      Tips 5 years ago

      Yes thats what happens ex-sl addict, ppl get trapped in there, like a jail sentence..

      Another tip is to go offline to most friends, and turn off all contacts to your rl, so you dont get pulled back in.

      Some ppl in there just get so competitive and down right nasty.

      Its sad really when parents ignore there children and partners.

      Maybe I could start a game called Getalife..

    • profile image

      ex-sl addict 5 years ago

      Left the game in 2010 after meeting Inworld again an old friend at the end of 2009. We were both fed up with that game (playing since 2007) and got back in touch after loosing track of each others from our CCS rpg time.We got together in RL, married and both left that virtual circus. SL was a rollercoaster for both of us (I lost my former rl partner to it) and we got our share of inworld drama. Now we are happily living together in RL and often think about the people we know and care about still trapped in that world.

    • profile image

      justify 5 years ago

      People will justify secondlife by saying they are looking for work, you wont make any money in sl , well you may make some but it will only be just enough to support the game. Unless you build something everyone wants, but I think those days are over.

      1000 Lindens = 3.95 USD

      One hours work in sl might be on average tips or a wage of $300. lindens per hour thats $1.14 usd.. Youd get more money busking on a corner.

      Even talented musicians are in there, working for these tips, people are in wasting there lives, same as FB a waste of time.

      Families and children getting left behind.

      It is very absorbing to the point of really unhealthy, many ppl I spoke to in there, were either bored with life, depressed and lonely.

      It really is a form of escape..

      So many people having online affairs, that was common.

      Best advice to anyone that wants help, uninstall the game and find reasons not to log back on, go to the website if you must have a little look, but your not actually logging back into the game.

    • profile image

      slrecovery 5 years ago

      Hello I came across this so thought Id comment to help anyone, as a habit for years, if I logged onto sl as soon as I would come off of it I would uninstall the game, it just make it a little harder to just jump back on the pc and go back into the game.

      Set your own time ifs its night make it dark on the screen in sl, so this doesnt upset your body clock. Set a time limit, and under no circumstances break it. Evenutally the charm of sl is over, untangle yourself from any commitments you have in there, go offline to some friends, make sl boring and then thats the way out.

      Thats the thing people get all wound up in there, uncreate what you created.

      You will see life is worth being in more, and any friends from sl will always be there if they are true. I log in very rarly now and those few friends are still there, nothing has changed for many of them, some worse.... I am healthier fitter, look a lot better and am just enjoying life, with my family.

    • profile image

      Fang 5 years ago

      Hi everyone, this is an interesting website and I've read all the comments and I do know how they feel when they have lost a loved one via SL.

      I wish SL never exists in the first place!!

    • profile image

      Garin 5 years ago

      My fiance doesn't play SL like she used to, but she still has periods where she's on it a lot. She blames herself for her mom being on it as much as she is but then enables her whenever she gets on. As far as I know no line has been crossed but it worries me esp when my fiance has multiple accounts and every time I ask is it needed she gets defensive. I have an account that she made for me that she can control/take away from me at anytime and I made my own but I hardly get on. It's sad that sometimes I get on SL to see if her mother is on just to find out where she is in real life.

    • profile image

      James 5 years ago

      I am pretty sure my wife is addicted, but she has not admitted yet to having a problem. It is interfering with her sleep, staying awake until late, or not coming to bed at all.

      I know that she sees it as an escape, as she has arthritis, and has not been able to work now for almost 10 years. She is now in her early forties.

      I guess all I can do is wait and pick up the pieces, I love her so much. But should I wait indefinitely? I have a right to be happy too?

    • profile image

      secondlfesux 5 years ago

      I left sl just over a year ago after being on approx 2 1/2 years.

      So many folks on there have multipy avatars and pretend they are real friend of theirs and you, it is a sick place. Drama and narcissitics who prey on lonely bored or nieve people. So many of the original people[2006born] own land and have created enormous numbers of alts. and storylines. They replay stories over and over, lie about real life drama, it is a fake sick place .

      WALK AWAY from the sl, if you need to look at pictures of your avatar once in a while..slowly you gain back an understanding that it is not a real place and these people are not your friends nor family!

      It took at least 6 months to have it not bother me. One thing i did was go over some old chats and started to connect the strange people and how i thought they were my friends yet really the conversations were garbage.

      Now I am thankful to have moved on!

      Goodluck all

    • profile image

      john 5 years ago

      I just lost my partner of 5 years to this game, his story is very similar to all of yours. He gave up on his real life, and lives non stop in this virtual world, I complained, and some people he met on SL came and picked him up, he is now living with them in a ramshackle trailer in Grant Alabama. He ripped apart my world because of this game. I wish that there was some help for him, but likely he wouldn't listen anyway right now, I hope he realizes one day what he gave up for it. He was a caring, loving person before SL.

    • profile image

      geenie 5 years ago

      i dont understand whta addiction you guys got in there for sure play naughty naughty. why make yourself fall into it? i am in 4 years enter as and when to meet friends from all parts of the world and share lots of idea and understand others way of life.

    • profile image

      promethea 5 years ago

      Kay so I just deleted my SL account....reading some of these posts made me realize that my addiction could really start to affect my RL so I thought the best solution would be to just quit altogether. -_-

    • Imthevilprincess profile image

      Imthevilprincess 5 years ago

      Hey Guys,

      Thank you for continuing to read and post comments here. Its neat that you do. An update about me ...

      I RARELY play second life, It is on my laptop, and pc, but RARELY do I log in.. and when I do, its for a brief amount of time. I dont go to the places or type of places I USED to go to, nor chat with the people I did. That act itself has helped me have very little interest in the game. That being said, A couple of months ago I was interviewed on the Kyle and JAcki morning show in Australia about this very article and my addiction. They also had a second life big wig on the phone as well who totally defended the game " of course" sadly, I could hear him, but my mic was muted, and could not speak to him. Id have given him a piece of my mind let me tell you!!

      You can break that addiction, its very hard at first, I wont lie, but If I can do it.. so can you. Hang in there.

      To the people who have lost someone to an online love, or someone chatted with someone else and your worried about feelings for them. Yes, it does happen. Stay strong, hang in there. People all over the world are cheated on in REAL life everyday.... while its still very painful, its not the exact same thing. I know, it does feel like it... but you will get past it..

      Much Love


    • profile image

      jerlyn 5 years ago

      i commented here 4 months ago,it ruined my brain really,my bf used to be obsessed with this game and found a gf in SL but we are back together now,i juz can't forget the girl he met in SL and their conversations...that's why i hate Sl so muchhhhhhhh

    • profile image

      Feelslikerain 5 years ago

      Mention you may call social services... Speak to the father of the children ? Break the computer... Go to the extreme..children don't get to pick their parents!! It's the land of misfit people. It's why they play. I thought I was broken as well.. 8 months out and never going back!! People in SL are sad..

    • profile image

      worried mother 5 years ago

      how do you help a young mother with 2 kids who basically plays this game all day with her children in the room most of the time and children are way out of control..everyday gets worse and worse..

    • profile image

      peter 5 years ago

      i dont entirely agree if sl is a addiction depends upon how it is played eg... exploreing playing the games there going see live singers role play stuff but when you start haveing a relationship with some one else then its a addiction and a very poor one at that i mean its impossible have a happy love life via 2 computers is why the lack off susbstance makes it become well just fun but end the day people play sl mostley due to a huge unhappyness in there real lifes hopeing sl will give them that fix and it does for a while but it wont fix problems no way it creates more its a big lie from word go people only dedicate themselfs if they are bord or uhappy themselfs i play sl what 3 hours a day but please for anyone reading this and you are in a what you belive to be a deep relationship dont blow your 1st real life please its your only one you gonna have dont play sl and 20 years after have regrettes love your loved ones rl they the ones who will fix you not sl god bless

    • profile image

      help plz 5 years ago

      Hi James, I just want to say good on you for choosing to change :-) and encourage in your choice to commit yourself to real life! I'm sure the choice you made today will have long-term benefits in your life. I pray my husband will also make the same choice. Life well :-)

      "You are the way you are because that's the way you want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now". Fed Smith (Over the top by Zig Ziger).

    • profile image

      James Dusaro 5 years ago

      OMG I was wondering whether it was just me addicted to SL; clearly I'm not the only one and probably knew it all along but but buried my head in the sand. My business failed a year ago due to the economy and I fell into bouts depression. About 6 months before I was told about SL by my partner who was using it for genuine educational reasons at a University for international students to access some parts of the course. As for me I quickly became addicted and have spent countless hours in SL and spent RL money on AVI stuff and equipment like a lot of people here. I'm still looking for work RL and financial situation is precarious and sometimes I feel I've disconnected from RL; my relationship with my partner is growing more strained and we haven't been intimate for months. So all in all SL has the potential to destroy your real life even people who are degree educated and have or had successful careers can get caught in the cycle. Today I've decided to give myself a kick up the arse as I've just sold my Lindens to transfer back to Paypal; I've removed Firestorm from the PC and deleted the settings file under my user and am deleting the 3 AVI accounts I have. I mean in sense of logging on and cancelling the accounts via the account settings bit on the web browser. I anxious as I know I'll lose all the objects and wonderful clothes for my AVI by doing this but hey surely its a small price to pay as I want my Real Life back...

    • profile image

      Anon 5 years ago

      Though it is a bit weird to monitor another's activity, I agree with John Dear. I am constantly told that Second Life is a game? If it is then it is OK to use tools within the game to follow this? Or, maybe it isn't a game and it is real life and everyone here and their loved ones are living out their real life in Second Life?

      John Dear, how did you do this and would you share it with me so I can see how much time my hubby spends on Second Life?

    • profile image

      Lavendel 5 years ago

      Sorry, John Dear -- no, that IS stalking. Get a life!

    • profile image

      John Dear 5 years ago

      I have been tracking this person's activity on SL for awhile watching in utter amazement at how much time he spends on SL. We used to visit on SL and he would tell me or at least allow me to believe that he didn't spend much time on it. After some strange things started to puzzle me, I decided to track him. We lost our friendship over the amount of time he spends on SL.

      If you study the numbers, he spends 11% of the 24 hour day on SL. He only doesn't spend more because he works. He has spent the equivalent of almost one month on SL, in less than one year. This is not a weirdo, strange person. This is a college degreed man with a Masters. He is totally normal but for a strange addiction to the "game". He is married and has children. I feel sorry for his spouse and his kids. As I said, we are no longer friends but I get on from time to time to check the log. Before you call it stalking, he says it is a game. If it is a game than it is ok to play the game of watching how much time he spends on it, isn't it?:-)

      Online for: 3h 7m 41s

      Out of SIM for: Unknown


      Logins: 896

      Ave Logons per day: 3.61

      Ave Logon Time: 46m 49s

      Online Time: 29d 3h 17m 6s [11%]

      Ave per Day: 2h 49m 29s

      Offline Time: 218d 9h 46m 11s [88%]

      Tracking Time: 247d 13h 3m 17s


      On Today: 9h 50m 41s

      Yesterday: 6h 21m 30s

    • profile image

      rosa 5 years ago

      I'm in SL since 2007, it's so addicted I bought property started to build, and t has cost me many thousands of euros a year, I'm still in every night until 2 or 3, dancing and talking to my friend who I met 4 years ago... we both do building on my property, we are both jealous when he or me is with another avie dancing or flirting, its a sick sick game, we had people staking us and talk dirty language, most people on SL are having a RL problem

    • profile image

      help plz 5 years ago

      Hi there, could someone would has kicked the SL addiction offer me some advice? About six weeks ago I discovered that my husband was an SL addict (long story, but much the same as the other ppl's experiences who have a partner with the gaming addiction that I've read). Anyway, has promised me that he has given up SL. But I know he is lying, 'cos I have seen on Sl and he still spends every possible moment in front of the screen. He will miss days of work to go on line. We are running out of money to support our family. For example; on Thursday went to work at 8:45am and returned home at 11am. Then on Friday while the kids and I were not home he spent all day at home on line.

      He says he's just listening to music, and uses puts me down for asking about his on line habits. For example; when I tell him that I am worried our finances, he tells me to get another job. This morning when I came into the sitting room and before I got a chance to say "Good morning" he snapped at me (from be hide the laptop) accusing me of spying on him and not trusting him...that he needs space and time to himself...that he feels I always looking over him shoulder (which is so untrue, I don't have the time to be a spy.I'm to busy running a household & business, keeping contact with family, involved on school board etc....what he was saying was crazy stuff (surely I should be free be in our sitting room?). Its so crazy that he has said that he is going to leave to chn and I if I ask about SL. He does not seem to see how crazy it is that he would leave his beautiful family for a fantasy world.Today is a public holiday, and I ponder if he start the day with conflict so that he could he a reason to withdraw with the laptop to the bedroom for the rest of the day, and not spend any family time with us. He's reasoning is like a toddlers...there is no logic. How can a SL addict be reached? At what point do they see how crazy their behaviour is?

      This is so overwhelming....

    • profile image

      Starry eyed 5 years ago

      Sl is an amazing graphics world with potential to be a real educational tool with accurate historical recreations of ancient worlds and even solar systems etc.

      However it has turned largely into a huge sexual arena with all kinds of boasted perversions and dark fantasies that people would never admit to to their families,friends and neighbours in real life unless they were seeking psychological help.

      I fell into the the SL trap briefly with the best of intentions, ended up having a cyber affair, suddenly saw how crazy it all was and how people thought they had free rein to do whatever they wanted there and logged out permanently. It was fun for a brief time but becomes a pyschological prison for many. They can't leave even when they are miserable. Not a very psychologically healthy place to spend your holidays!!

    • profile image

      Someday is now 5 years ago

      The following helped me move on from SL, and develop a backbone to get back in the real game of life. It’s addressed to children, but it still speaks to me as a 40 yr old Mother and Wife. It made me realize that I needed to stop being selfish by spending my time in a fantasy world. Now I spend my time giving to my family, friends and community. I hope it helps you slay your addiction…….Northland College (NZ) principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth....."Always we hear the cry from teenagers 'What can we do, where can we go?'...... My answer is, ..."Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons, and after you've finished, read a book. Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun. The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in poverty or sick and lonely again." In other words, grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. It's too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you.

    • profile image

      Joy 5 years ago

      To Zetmech, Thank you for sharing your story, it was very insightful. I would like to wish 6335 and you all the best as you both step out of SL into RL. And may your RL be full of Joy and Love. "The life and love we create is the life and love we live" Leo Buscaglia

    • profile image

      6335 5 years ago

      i had 2 quit sl it is 2 addicting to handle

    • profile image

      Zetmech 5 years ago

      Hi people, Im known as Zet in SL, and I (was) a SL addict.

      To people seeking a law or rule that would shut down SL, tough luck. You have to see it as "a legal drug". Mostly like smoking is. It gives you satisfaction that you will accomplish something, like.. On LSD, catching a dragon, but never will.

      Its kind of hard to explain the feeling youre getting when youre "on" SL. Let me illustrate with a Youtube video: .

      As you see, like the music or not (and the fact that they theft'ed Bladerunner to its very ends, you can mute it, I dont really give a diddly damn! (lol) My point is from the video is to illustrate the feeling youre getting when youre logged into the SL grid. Its mostly like the girl with the USB port in her arm, sticking the USB hub inside her arm, which releases the given "drug" and satisfies her.

      In my (personal) point of view, the video is about this guy (would be me, in my little story), running on his motorcycle, away from stress from the every-day life, into Second Life. The devastating cloud would symbolize Second Life (my past addiction) ruining my First Life, bit by bit.

      This is maybe the answer you seek, youre welcome to watch the video more times, as it reveals more and more every time you see it. Ive first now realized what that video personally mean to me. :) The lyrics makes sense too, if you read into it.

      Anyway, I was moving from IMVU (which is/was a bad addiction as well, I dont play anymore (But I would personally mean that SL is 2 times worse) in order to seek more freedom of movement and creativity of creation, as I was a old dev from there, going on my 6th year. When I first logged in, I was confused over this advanced-ness of kinds, from IMVU's "simple" design (some of you, whom played IMVU and took the move, would hopefully agree), and I sought out clubs in hope of maybe becoming a Stream DJ. I finally found Industrial Dreamz, filled out a application for DJ's and sent it the Head DJ's way. As I was a GM from IMVU in a club there, I knew somewhat something about running a club. So me and the Head DJ from Europe talked and when I least knew of it, I became the Assisant Head DJ in no time. As I didnt have a job IRL, I didnt really care about time in that matter, as some of you might know, managing a club IS a FULL TIME JOB (and as I only recently realized) WITHOUT PAYMENT (tip-based matter, which is basically scrapped money, nickels and dimes). I loved it of all my heart, because DJ'ing at a club and having power over people is what I really burn for.

      Things happened over time and the club changed management around, with me as the Head DJ. It became more and more of a 8-12 hour job, since I was alone, managing 30-40 DJ's. Longer story, but the club had a break-down and lost over half of the DJ's because of the new management.

      Making a long story short, Ive spent at least 400 dollars, if not more into SL because of my addiction to dress my dress-up dolly of a avi. IMVU is worse for me, I believe I gave 500 dollars, if not 700 total over time. I have been "clean" for almost a month now from SL from my 1 year and 4 months long addiction. In total, maybe even 7 years total. Ive removed my SL viewer from my computer so I dont log in, because I can feel the abstinence for me logging into the grid running right now. It will be a good while before I log back in.

      So in short:

      If you are aware of your addiction problem, logging into the grid, just give yourself a "Cold Turkey". What I did, it works, and it feels good after a week from the screen. :)

      -Zet, former SL addict

    • profile image

      Noname 5 years ago

      I first joined SL as a way to cope with the death of my mom who was my entire world. I had already lost my sister and felt a void within me that I needed to fill. I had already been developing a gaming addiction and by chance I saw a documentary about SL addiction and thus it all began. SL became my everything and my RL relationships suffered. I wish I could tell you that I quit cold turkey and my life has been the better for it but that would be a lie. My laptop broke and it's been about a month since I logged on. I am going through major withdrawal trying to find something to fill the void. But I've been unsuccessful even my rl hubby just can't chase away the emptiness. I feel as a child of the 90s this gaming addiction has been being cultivated for a long time. I just hope I'm strong enough to quit when I finally get a new computer.

    • profile image

      Wrecked 5 years ago

      I've been in SL 3 years. I'm a merchant/designer. I have a store, a lot of land. For a long time, a partner. Even a daughter and sister! I, too am struggling to leave. It's impacted my life in the following ways:

      1. Expense. Even though I am a designer, it's hard to make real money in SL, especially with all the changes the past year with their online Market Place. I spend $150 a month on SL and I'm retired.

      2. I can't keep track of what world I'm in. I dream of SL not RL.

      3. I had a SL affair even though I'm married and it impacted my real life.

      4. I'm too identified with my avatar, and love her more than myself.

      Second Life is not a game, it's a medium.

    • profile image

      Feelslikerain 5 years ago

      Wow isn't that like selling booze in the parking lot of a bar. Taking money from them people, people who are addicted and stop going to work, stop paying their bills, except that important Internet bill. I don't think your explanation makes it any better. I know so many people that play Sl that have lost their employment , lost their marriage... And it is because of sl. So I don't agree with you ...just saying .

    • profile image

      Logic 5 years ago

      1. A game has a set goal. SL doesnt have a goal. the people create games IN second life.

      2. Blaming a virtual environment for something that you do in RL is stupid.

      You chose that SL was more important than your RL. it was a choice that you decided to spend more time on SL than with your kids. it only takes over when YOU LET IT.

      wake up. stop blaming other things for your mistakes.

      I make my living in SL. My computer wont be on until my kids are at school. I have been in SL for 7 years. I go out with my friends, spend my time with my kids, have a rich social life.. I dont hide behind 'SL ruined my life' things, its just what you make of it. if you mess up your RL cause you like to play pretend in a virtual world, its YOUR fault. not the virtual world.

    • profile image

      Feelslikerain 5 years ago

      Not a game - you are wrong. It's a game. And it is a fantasy. No dif then call of duty when you chose who you want to play. People play sl and shut off. They become disconnected . I would say 90 % of the people who do play are broken in rl. Bad relationships, over weight, not able to date, or just boring and lazy. They can be whatever they want on sl and there isn't anyone to call them out on it. It's the land of misfit toys. I was there.. My rl broke. I stopped caring. Became a crap father. One day I said, in 4 years I am still in the same spot I was when I started. And logged off, cancelled my account. Best move I have ever made. - not a game.. You better pull your head out of your butt and get real. Cause you will waste your life. Sl is a life breaker for social misfits.

    • profile image

      Not a game ~!! 5 years ago

      The truth is . a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that, uh, you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore... And unfortunately, this city was built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want; we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from your sinns Your Action here are the same as real they speack loud then your empty word - Yiour AV is a Extetion of your real self - so you must be what you are here - the bad - the good - the ugly Sad to see but true. some time ppl wear this love thing to thin . then it wear out and means nothing-

      This is a Socail MMO !!! NOT a Game . people use the word *Game* for a lack of a better term for it . *This is a Place where friendship are made and love can be found - We Are human with a heart beat and soul beings behind our computers - I am not a bot or a computer generated thing - But some come here and hide there lies and Abnormal behaivor behind there screen with out any thought of the other feelings- With with the Moral or Ethic behind there goal - WE! are Adults, Here why are some of us like back in school acting like little kids and being the most popular , or being in a cliquce. or not being our slef and surcoming to peer pressures-This is a living breathing world where money is made and feeling to be shared - The feelings and caring I have for people is real. If you want to play mind games then go somewhere else. I don't play Relationships - i live them and grow from them It's pointless to Argue with Idoits who think this is a game I will Simply Mute SL-RL Is one Marrige Only 1 love

      sl is a Socail and creative experiance . sad when adault are so screwed up they want to asct like 12 year old

      Call of duty is a game ..... cant some of you not see the difference or have you been brian washed by loose ways and liberlism SEX.LOVE Marriage is not a game ..... real people this keeping them separate is a load of crap ... Shame on you for playing people

    • profile image

      Weighed down 5 years ago

      I love my husband of more than 20 years and father of our beautiful 3 chn. I hate that he has chosen to bring Second life into our family, home and marriage causing turmoil. Six days ago I discovered that he has had a SL account for the passed 2 mths, where he plays a sexy fantasy young woman (who has the same first name as our 12 yr old daughter) . I was shattered, and yet relieved at the sometime, because now I have the answer to why he has been so distant and disconnected, why he spends all weekend on the laptop instead of with us, his family, why he gets up out of bed in the early hours of the morning - its to live in his fantasy world, why he disappears into the bedroom with laptop almost as soon as he gets home. I feel as if I’m raising our chn on my own while he life’s in a fantasy world. Over the past few months our 8 yr old son has asked constantly “why is Dad always on the computer”, and when we go out he asks, “why doesn’t Daddy come with us”. It hurts me deeply when I think that while I’m looking after our family and family business, he is spend all his time and money on his fantasy life. He spends $ on an avator and yet he didn’t even give me a Xmas or Valentines gift. This is the first time I have blogged….I have not told my friends or family what is going on because I love my husband and do not want to humiliate him…so this is the only way I have to get this off my chest, as well as look for help and support. I haven’t had a good nights sleep since this discovery…I sometime wake-up crying or with a headache. My husband hasn’t touched me for two days. I just want our lives back, I want a happy healthy environment for our family to grow. There is so much more I could tell you, but we don’t have all day. How can I help him come back to us and the sunlight? Jane Fonda said “that a person with an addiction can never be who they authentically are“.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 5 years ago

      Hey i just read all of your comments and wholey shit. you guys like to type. well i play sl and i like it i havent been playing very long but i only get on it on the weekends and actually mine shuts off and i think thats good cause it gives me some time to do other stuff like eat and use the restroom and even ride my bike. well hope you all can get your lifes back, im not leting it happen to me... and thanks for the heads up ppl.

    • profile image

      Feelslikerain 5 years ago

      Throw his PC in the rubbish. Or you will never compete. You can't win, you can try and it will get better for a lil bit but he will go back to it, until he finds his own reason to want to stay away. I have quit since Halloween, I will never go back. I love RL and I have been going out and being social again and my business has taken off. Best choice I have made for myself in a really long time. Good Luck and try something drastic..

    • profile image

      idkanymore.... 5 years ago

      My boyfriend has been addicted since he was 16 and is now 23... I have heard from friends and see the results of it everyday, it has completely ruined his real life, he has no friends he is very unhealthy physically and has done things on there that id rather not repeat in addition to cheating on his ex via the site (she still doesnt know). Shortly after starting to date I found all this out and asked him to stop, as far as i know he did based on his comp history. but lately hes been logging on (also according to his history) and lying to me about it. I get that sinking painful, heartbreak feeling at even the thought and I dont know what to do, I dont want to loose him to this game. PLEASE HELP! any suggestions on what i should do from people who love this game like he does?

    • profile image

      A stranger out there 5 years ago

      OH GOD, i got really sad with your comments now...i could say i was too in your position, with video games... if my account wasn't hacked...People I wish you, i really hope, you get over this addiction! Dunno how, if there is a way, i hope you find it and get over this shit. You might have not social life now, not real friends,you might be lonely, separated of others, maybe SL gives you what you want, maybe is a way to escape from the horrible reality, from all these things you want to avoid but believe me, it will make your life shittier, STOP IT NOW! delete your account!uninstall it! You may have to start your life from scratch..but it s the best choice, believe me! there are also other person -as you see-, who suffer the some shit! DON'T GIVE UP!


      p.s i m listening "Linkin Park Live in Texas" at youtube, it is impressive how i feel that their songs are related and describing this shit maybe you should listen them too, just saying...

      It s funny the advertisement down there..."make him addicted to you" lol, what irony...

      I wish you the best...

    • profile image

      SonjaMorgan 5 years ago

      Its so nice to hear that from someone else! I haven't been on for 2 days and I've cried and slammed doors and broken things.. I love my sl and I need it. I can't live like I am without it

      . I love the flirting I love the clothes and yes it's an amazing escape from the real world,I am addicted but tbqh I have no intention of stopping ive tried and I can't so that is that, I know it's not the best thing in the world it's a virtual world, a game. No one understands how it feels, you need to play it to understand, I need my sl

    • profile image

      HollyhockQueen 6 years ago

      Never being into games before. I started playing SL in July 2008. I had gotten into a new relationship and had my son, just after being divorced in 2006. My new relationship was not what I expected, to much too fast, and I asked my boyfriend to move out. And I was financial ruin do to my failed marriage, I was very depressed and lonely, and I wasn’t working full time. Wile at home, I would stay logged into second life, as I did my house work and took care of my child. Not too big of a deal, because I am basically online all day, I don’t like TV and I listen to a lot of public radio so the computer is always on. I definitely got addicted, and used it as an escape form my new relationship, instead of being responsible and working out our issues. I was still a good mother, I played mostly wile my son was napping or asleep. And on the days he was at his father’s house. I have never spent more money in a month of second life then I would on a night out, but I still wish I could have all that money and time back. Before having my son I was an extremely social person, I partied, traveled, and went to concerts out of state a LOT. I never didn’t have the next event planed, and after having a baby I sort of fell into a lonely rut. I have met many people in second life, some of whom I am still close to online, but the men in SL are as bad as you can imagine, give a man the power to lie and be something he is not, and he surly will. After being in Sl for wile the thrill sort of wore off. It started to seem like a very selfish lonely place, full of everything I hate about humanity, but magnified. I saw somebody in the thread say that second life is like hell, and I agree with that statement. I know a person in real life who use to be a friend of mine , that actually takes money form a person in Sl that they met . She gets sent about 200 real dollars a month because she doesn’t work and won’t find a job. The woman feels sorry for her and gives her, her hard earned money. The situation disgusts me, and I’m not even friends with her anymore. Any weird fucked up situation, or kind of person that you can think of or imagine exists in sl. I started to play breedable animals, and I would only be logged into Sl to feed and take care of my animals , I was afk most of the time,and In the summer time I was never there. The owners of the breedable bunny and Horse Company’s in SL are awful people, who degrade their customers to their faces, and shit all over them. Id sit there and watch the group chat and think to my self.” My God what is wrong with these people, they don’t have lives ,and the being talked to like their shit. “But It was a way to kill time before bed, wile my boyfriend was on play station, lol I did involve myself with some fun projects in Sl, but as time wore on It did lose its luster. My relationship got much better, and my boyfriend moved in with me with me again. I had gotten a grant for school, and now have the exact job I wanted. I am very involved with my business, and building customers. And I want to become more involved with my church and Christian charities. I don’t really have time for the second life addiction anymore. I cant see myself sitting on my ass during the little bit of free time I have playing Sl. I’m just not willing to spend my time that way. I am on the fence right now about staying with it long enough to put my creations on the market place, but I can’t decide if it’s worth the time it actually takes to do that. From what I’ve heard the economy in sl is bad now and a lot of people aren’t making money because linden labs is so greedy. I have logged on to visit places I liked in sl, there are places in sl that can be relaxing to visit , but I haven’t don’t that in a wile. I really don’t miss it much. The people in sl who say they don’t like drama , are the ones to watch for, it’s a weird place , and the people are strange , they always have a motive for what they do.

    • profile image

      twinkle sweet 6 years ago

      i was playing SL for like 1 years. i was addicted n i could leave pc. i use to play for like 8 hours a day. i used to love reaing books,skating,playing basket ball and walking in the frsh air but after i started playing SL i stopped doing my fav things.i stayed in my house in the cozy room. then my friends startd to get angry with me wen they told me to come with them to rstaurants my answer was always NO then later i realised that i was loosing all my friends then i tried to stop playing but it was really hard cuz SL was my first life but still i did not give up then i startd going out with my friends i started playing basket ball again my friends were so happy n now my answer is allways yes i no more play SL

    • profile image

      kris 6 years ago

      I was playing for 2 years everyday increased with a combat game in sl, in last 1 year almost 10 hours in a day. but there is a life out there and life happens once. dont waste it in front of a pc with people who you will never see in your life ever face to face. I reject it and dont log in for 3 days its hard and stressfull i fight with urge to log in but i keep myself busy with other stuff i uninstalled everythng about it. and it wont own me.

    • profile image

      Tania 6 years ago

      Everybody can be addicted by anything that's good, or enough entertaining. I am "online" since 2006, almost every day when i can be. Recently i am teaching there and i have few shop as well which is good to earn real money. It's useful. But still i can stay up front of computer and turn it off when needed.

    • profile image

      directeeccks 6 years ago

      To people who are affected by the addiction rather it be yourself or a loved one that the addiction can be broken.

      Take a look at what makes you/them addicted. You may learn something about yourself/them. Push you/them to go searching for fun in rl. You really have to push since going out is not easy as hitting the tp button. So focus and keep telling yourself it has to happen.

      I myself am addicted to building. First time in my life I was good at expressing my creativity was in SL. I can't draw in real nor can I paint or anything like that. But over time I learned about web design ,graphics and 3d modeling. I make beautiful things and i actually make a little cash on the side. I'm addicted to the feeling the pride that I actually made that.

      So what did I do to turn Second life back to game(for the most part). I decided to start a business with skills I have learned in graphics for real life application. I cashed out my lindens that i worked up over this last year from the sim devs and clubs and all the other stuff i was payed to build and bought a expensive camera. Just like in sl people love profile pics done up nice. They do on face book even more. Doing somthing i love outside of sl. One thing to keep me logged off there. Now I do more all ready taken photos which keeps me on the computer. One step at a time I guess.

      So 1 year and 6 months of my life i was in there learning and building till I couldnt keep my eyes open or had to go to work. Went from having like 60 hours logged a week give or take. Now I long in for like maybe at most 10 hours a week. Somtimes i go a week before i log in. It's been 6 weeks now since the change and 290 photos taken or edited and made some cash in my pocket for my creativity in real. I'm happy.

      I will never regret my time in there cause I learned alot about myself. The place is filled with many amazing things and people. But as all of you/love ones I myself put it above real.

      This post has been going for quite some time with addicts and people who are affected by those addicts. I going to post a list of things which makes us/them addicted. It may help with an evaluation of what is the core importance of second life to the individual.




      making money(rl and sl)

      gambling (Those with breadable animals looking for the right bundle to make lindens its GAMBLING i could go on but i wont on them)haha

      trolling(yes the trolls there and even here I hope there is a cure)

      drama(yes some love the drama and creating it)



      feelings of importance/sl fame

      social acceptance

      Being how you feel on the inside on the out(women play men, men playing women, humans playing furries the list goes on)

      Okay I cant think of anymore right now. :P But I know there is way more but those are the main ones that stick out to me.

      Anyways I wish all of you luck and happiness on your quest to pull you/them back into real.

    • profile image

      glipi gig 6 years ago

      I see that sl has made a big problem with families and friends i was going to download it too but seeing this i feel its not good to download i thought of trying it but i wont now. why to live in a fake life when u can live in beautiful and real life!!! your family and year friends are the most importnt people in your life if there is an emergeny sl freinds cannot help u even if they want to so u guys who are addicted to it try to stop playing n start sitting with your family then the PC

      BEST OF LUCK!!!!

    • profile image

      snowbug69 6 years ago

      My dear friend from childhood has what I believe to be a serious SL addiction. I am looking for a support/education site to help me help him. I can be reached at Please, if you know of a website that would help me to understand his addiction and point me in the right direction to help him come back to his real life, I would be truly grateful.

    • profile image

      Flatpack 6 years ago

      To put things in perspective, I've known older people in the past who'd spend hours each day pondering over crossword puzzles with the excuse that it 'keeps the mind active'. I think Second Life, at least during the long and fascinating learning curve, probably keeps the mind a lot more active than solving crossword clues!

    • profile image

      Flatpack 6 years ago

      For a lot of people, SL is probably something they keep to themselves and don't talk about much to their friends and family - especially if they're a man playing a woman in SL or vice versa. So what I wonder is how many secret SL addicts there are among people with important jobs - bankers, pilots, doctors, politicians etc. - People whose real lives might and performance at work might be compromised by their addiction to a computer game (not necessarily Second Life, other games are just as addictive - even simple ones like Tetris and Bejewelled have their addicts.

    • profile image

      Flatpack 6 years ago

      What's often quoted as one of the biggest problems associated with SL addiction is the amount of time it takes away from your real life. But in that way it's not really any different from other activities. In the early days of the internet I knew someone who became addicted to what we used to call 'surfing the internet'. Being unemployed, he spent all his days just going from one website to another.

    • profile image

      beebstar 6 years ago

      My husband played WOW now HON so i took up SL. He thinks its dumb as you can't kill anyone. My online romances have taught me how to be caring, unselfish, tap into the love that i already had but was witholding from my RL husband. Now I am the patient, kind geisha in RL that I created in SL. He knows about foursomes etc. all that was experimentation i dont need to repeat, once is enough to see what a woman gets out of it...nothing. I now know how men operate and know they have hearts and want to be loved, in the way THEY want to be loved. I have never been healthier or more solid in my understanding of both sexes.

    • profile image

      Thankful 6 years ago

      I want to say thanks to everyone who has contributed to this discussion. Tonight i was tempted to get a copy of this game (V.R?)and started off very impressed upon researching it on the internet. I have had video gaming problems before, but none through the internet, which i think has stopped me going too deep (Financial constraints you see). I was about to go and download it but became curious of the possibility of becoming addicted to this. It started off as an amusing google search but has ended in me sitting here reading this with an amazed expression on my face and a heavy heart for all the suffering this addiction has caused people. If i hadn't read this article i would've just started on the road to an addiction, i feel certain of this because of my addictive personality - sex, drugs, adrenalin - I've been there. It even landed me in prison. Thanks guys, i now have a good place to start in informing myself about this addiction that is under discussed in the real world. I've strengthened myself against all the "Common" addictions but until now never gave this type any serious thought

      What a shame there isn't more awareness around this, if something isn't done i think the human race will go down the path of the matrix or something similar - which is scary.

      Ever Grateful.

    • profile image

      Charmeine 6 years ago

      Yeah, I was and still am addicted to SL even though I haven't been inworld for months. My gaming computer crashed and saved me. Since then, I've participated in RL a whole lot more, reconnected with RL friends, started thinking about RL dating, and gone to bed earlier which made getting up for work easier. But hell I have to admit I miss it. My family and friends all HATED the time I spent on SL - at a picnic, I was told if I got on my computer it would be thrown threw the window.

      All that said, I miss it like crazy. If I had the money to buy a computer that would support it.. I'd be back.

    • profile image

      sl beauty 6 years ago

      Oh my god, I found this page and have read so many stories about SL addiction. I am addicted to SL, and I left once after being hurt by someone that I thought really cared and disappearred one day. It affects my RL alot, don't go out, laundry, housework, work...some days I really don't want to go to work but stay on SL. When I get a day off the first thing in my head is 'wow, I can spend all day on SL'. I have neglected my RL and I look like it. I do things hurriedly at the last minute so people won't know it.

      I know the reason I am there and its because I am overweight and struggle losing in RL. I went through a divorce where my husband cheated on me and I felt so unlovable. In SL, I am beautiful sexy avatar that has all kinds of men in her IM. I flirt and they tell me how beautiful I am. To me, its not about the pixel sex or those that want to call you or get on cam with you...for me its just the attention...and I don't do any of those other things except with women and its just to talk.

      This is my fault because I checked out of my RL, and reading all of your stories I realize that now. It was obvious a few times when the internet went down and I couldn't log on. Maybe it was God's way of grabbing my attention and saying 'hey there' I know that I can't go cold turkey with SL but I am limiting it and with a rule of 'RL first' I did this before and I can do it again.

      For all the married folks out there whose significant other is online. SL is FULL of married men and women who for some reason whether it be companionship, understanding, or a sexual addiction. SL is just another venue like AOL or any other web site to talk to other men or women. Find out what is missing in your lives..please!!! Its not worth losing your family. I didn't lose mine but I am 54 years old and should be out looking for my life..and I've wasted so much RL money and RL time. Life is short!! Go live your RL..and find people and friends that are REAL. That you won't have to wonder why they don't answer you because you'll be standing right in front of them with RL hugs and RL attention.

      Today I am accepting who I am physically and trying to do something about it. I'm not this gorgeous avatar that is a model or beauty queen, or sexy stripper...or great clothing designer, but I am me..and that's good really is.

    • profile image

      Tipsy 6 years ago

      SL isn't the problem. It's obsessive behavior that is the problem. Addictive personality. Not everyone becomes addicted to Second Life. While I know some that have no issue I know others that do. Just like I know people who have an addiction to playing the xbox or social networks.

    • profile image

      JERLYN 6 years ago

      Yeah i hate SL i nearly lost my bf,because he is becoming addict with this game,i sleep by the dinner by myself and the worste thing that happened is he cheated on me to the point that he wanted to break up with me,we broken up for like a month..but thnx God he face the RL,he nearly lost me and my totally against second life...fuck the SL

    • profile image

      BriqueTopaz 6 years ago

      Yes, SL can be addictive. I spent much too much time there just trying to figure things out - and I noticed that a lot of my RL issues were being ignored. I've cut back on time spent in SL. But the fact is - I'm there for a reason. I run a RL non-profit organisation and took it into SL over 2 years ago. My organisation - Live and Learn in Kenya Int'l - provides education for very poor children in Kenya. Besides providing education, we provide over 400 children with their basic needs - shelter when necessary, dental and medical care and meals, for example. Fundraising in Second Life actually provides a huge part of these daily meals! 7 children have been sponsored through SL - which means the difference between living on the streets and going to school. One SL sponsor is putting a girl through college. That is very real. So, the time spent in SL is worth it to me and to hundreds of children in Kenya who depend on LLK Int'l. I like Bono's opinion of doing good - making a difference - and having a good time doing it...

      So, if you aren't totally against Second Life - or are looking for a "good and healthy" reason for being there - please contact me. I get by with a LOT of help from my friends - both SL and RL - and many of them are both...

      You'll find me under Brique Topaz - the Lavender Field for Feed a Smile in SL.

    • profile image

      ClanQueen 6 years ago

      Addicted to Second Life? Hmmm would be hard not to. You are perpetually beautiful, young and can dance like a pro, even better than the pro. Am I addicted? No. But many can come to beleive this is Rl. You have to do it in moderation, everything, is in moderation in Life or else it becomes an addiction. What do I do here? I run a clan, a vampire clan. The people that are in the clan are friends. Dont say its not real because it is. The people behind the avis are real people, with feelings, thoughs hopes and dreams. Many are here for various reasons, out of work, disables, bored or perhaps they want a challange? Why do people want challanges? To beat them. You have to learn to draw a line here. Some people go off into their deepest darkest famtasies, some people start businesses, some people screw everything that walks....whatever our needs are you need to control them. If you cant do this perhaps you shouldnt do anything that tempts you. Some people cant eat 1 peice of chocolate without eating the whole bag. If this is your personality, stick to RL. We are progressing on with new technologies. Maybe the day will come where we can just plug in. People you have to learn to pace yourself to everything that presents itself whether here or in RL. You dont quit jobs, leave loved ones, get up late for work, ignore your children, stop eating, whatever to spend a ridicules hour here prancing around. Draw the line, set your goal here whether it be entertainment, work or just social networking. When its time for RL GET off, I guarantee the game will still be here. Your friends if they are truly friends will be here or get an email of FB and leave messages. Chill out, slow down and enjoy it for what it is , another way to social network and meet people you would NEVER meet in a regular RL setting. And dont be niave. There are a lot of not honest people out there who abuse the game for thier own sick fascination. Just practice MODERATION

    • profile image

      lostinLA 6 years ago

      Sally do yourself a huge favour and dont log in again! I too thought it was ridiculous and made not sense when I first logged in. It was two months later that I logged in again and met people and bam hooked !

    • profile image

      Auld Fart 6 years ago

      Sally, Laughing hard at people with genuine addictions? You should have more respect before posting comments on something you obviously know nothing about.

    • profile image

      sally 6 years ago

      ROFL how could anyone get addicted to SL? I tried it once and it was so boring, pointless and stupid. I'm laughing so hard.

    • profile image

      Serena 6 years ago

      Keep this in mind too LostinLA. Anyone who truly cares about your well being is going to help support your exit from sl and not try to keep you roped in! Any friendships formed in sl that are truly valuable can be taken outside of sl and continued. It truly fascinates me that so many people in sl hearing of my exit asked the very same question namely, "Why leave sl?" I don't know whether this indicates that many in sl are in denial of the potential adverse effects or whether they are looking for hearing of reasons to exit themselves.

    • profile image

      lostinLA 6 years ago

      Auld Fart,

      Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I appreciate them so much. You have escaped! Stay gone from what truly is a life sucking misery. I wish you all the best. Enjoy RL to the fullest......I am planning my escape!

    • profile image

      Auld Fart 6 years ago

      To lostinLA, I was about to start selling 5 years worth of creations on Marketplace.I was hoping that by doing this I would be able let it run on its own, make some money and let me escape from SL and what had now become an addiction.I weighed up how much more SL time it would take to set-up and maintain a store and decided to not go ahead. I have little will power and know that I would keep on coming in and working on stuff. I had to do something drastic.I thought it through for days then on Monday (the day after my 5th rezzday, I deleted my entire inventry containing 10,000 items and 5 years of hard work.I then logged on to SL website and hit the cancel account button. I felt sick but at the same time relieved. I then posted a comment on here. The next day I felt great but was anxious that the account was only in hibernation for 60 days. The fact that I could re-activate at any time worried me. I contacted Lindens and asked if there was a fast track way out. They promptly replied and were very sympathetic however, they explained that a fast track destruct button would never be an option as it could be open to abuse. I agree and accept that. Yesterday (3 days without SL)I became very angry at myself for not giving away my creations but especially for deleting them. I hadnt realized how much that part would hurt. I contacted Lindens again and asked if they could recover the trashed inventry, explaining that the pain of losing all that forever was making my recovery even harder. I was sure that after a couple of months break from sl I would be able to make a more level headed decision about staying or leaving and knowing my inventry was safe would help. Again they were brilliant but sadly it had gone. Now heres the weird thing, seeing that email today has actually given me closure. I know I have done the right thing. Its History.

      Getting back to you now lostinLA , I would suggest that you somehow pass all your workload onto a friend and become a silent partner. Take half the income and get yourself out of there. I am 57 years old and I cant believe how much precious time SL has sucked out of my RL. I feel such an old fool, so please be brave, sort your business out and get your life back. This life is not a rehearsal. Best of luck.

    • profile image

      lostinLA 6 years ago

      Even sadder that when we are not in SL we are reading about it! This thread is incredible each and everyone of your stories truly amazing and touching. cold turkey ty for being so open and honest. I too have spent far too much time in SL and have noticed many changes about myself. Socially, physically and emotionally. I do believe SL can be very depressing at times. I have recently ended an on again off again sl relationship that had left me torn and crying constantly. I need to get back to RL . I have so much going on or should I say had so much going on there. I only hope I can figure out a way to just do it! Just leave! I have many sims though and a successful business I have staff and have made thousands of RL dollars a month in SL. I wish there was an easy way of just deleting the account but I feel trapped now like people in sl depending on me. I have been wanting to leave for awhile and truly do not know how to go about it :(

    • profile image

      ---------/// 6 years ago

      I useful go on SL frequently about a year ago. It makes me sick to know that it's the reason but I know it was. I hated myself, the REAL me.

      When I was in SL I could be that person that I always felt I should be, I could talk to other people without being embarrassed. I was so confident in there. In the back of my mind I knew that the majority of people in-world were just like me. Insecure, unhappy and in desperate need to escape from their real life. Despite knowing this, I continued to pretend that the people on the computers would be just as gorgeous and happy as their virtual persona.

      Also, it never even occurred to me how sad it was to be staring at a screen all me it just felt normal. I had let my second life merge with my first.

      I had been spending large amounts of money on lindens, I wasn't even buying land or anything, it was literally all being spent on this ridiculously fake avatar. My bank ended up sending my letters telling me I was overdrawn. I honestly began to cry. I sat down and curled in a ball, sobbing and wondering what on earth I had done to myself.

      What disturbed me most was that even after knowing I had been spending more money on it than I could afford, I was still in no ready position to give it up. How could I? This WAS my life. It was everything I felt it was supposed to be. Fortunately at the time, I wasn't in a relationship, so I wasn't hurting anyone in that sense but my family were becoming increasing worried. I would say that I'd go and see them or meet them at a restaurant but then when it came to it I just couldn't force myself to log off. I was sickened by what I was doing but I felt completely impotent. I had literally no control over my life (or what was left of it).

      This went on for quite a while until one day my mum said to me, "I can't stand seeing you like this, you've turned into a husk of a person and it's breaking my apart. I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy but if you truly love me too then you'll leave that game and come back into the real world."

      Nothing had ever felt so poignant as what she had said. Without a question, I deleted the account and my mum took me on a short holiday up to the Lake District. It was difficult but I felt so liberated to be away from it all. Some days I wish I could return but then I look at my incredible family and feel tears coming down my cheek at the thought of harming them again. THEY are my life, not some creepy pixelated fantasy world.

      I wish all the best to anyone that was in the same situation as me:)

    • profile image

      Auld Fart 6 years ago

      I have been in SL for 5 years. I am addicted to building. It is becoming very distracting in my RL. I have created some good stuff (so I have been told).I have been wanting to leave Sl for months but just could'nt do it because I have built soooo much stuff and cant bear to let it all go. I tried staying away for a while but my creative passion overtook my willpower. The last few days I have thought it through and today I deleted the 10,000 items in my inventry. I then logged on to SL website, cancelled the account and cashed in my Linden Dollars.I did feel a bit sad but to be honest I think I was getting bored with it anyway. I reminded myself that its just a game and I now feel a great sense of relief. If this sounds like you....Go for it...nobody died!

    • profile image

      Serena 6 years ago

      @Lavendel: Your justifications for staying in sl could have been written by me BEFORE I started to take a hard and honest look at exactly how sl was encroaching on my rl. You ask what is the difference between spending time in sl and going to the movies. There is a BIG difference between the two. The movies involve sitting there, passively watching characters tell a story, their story, on the screen with no social interaction and no chance of effecting the outcome. Watching movies, you are merely an observer. In contrast, in sl, you are an active participant socially engaging and creating your own story albeit with others and having an effect on the outcome.

      As far as sl being addictive, I take a more narrow approach to the definition of addiciton and see it centering more on compulsion. As human beings, we are naturally compelled to socially engage. The thing is, sl seems to act as a pacifier of sorts to appease us enough so that we don't feel compelled to socially connect and engage in the physical world. This may result in narrowing our social interactions in the physical world more and more as we become more deeply involved in sl. The question then becomes whether sl is healthy. While we can survive for a time on a diet of junk food which may taste mighty good going down, it leaves us empty and unnourished in the end.

    • profile image

      SL chick 6 years ago

      Sl can be nice..I fell in love I went to visit that guy, had nice time. It's not easy because it's far away.. In SL are same people like from RL. People are evil no matter is it SL or RL... just be carefull with who you hang out as always... I have one friend from SL for years and I love him. He is my best friend. I met really nice people there.. but most of my friends aren't there 0-24..they come every few weeks, even I am trying to use SL less.. there is million of other games like SL.We have to be carefull what are we doing and not let that SL destroy RL.

    • profile image

      Soon to be ex of sl'er 6 years ago

      Well SL ruined a wonderful 31 year marriage. A man who I never would have thought would get involved started lying and hiding things from me as he got addicted to second life to the point where he was putting it above anything else in his life. He has now made the SL friends his RL friends and is spending a lot of money going to England to visit them. The result, I moved 10 hours away to be closer to my family and he is going to end up living alone. His choice and his lost. I tried to convince him we needed to work on our marriage and he told me to move out if I didn't like it. Well, guess what I did. Just saw where he and his now SL wife are pregnant in SL. Talk about twisting the knife!

    • profile image

      Lavendel 6 years ago

      It's taken me days to read this entire thread. I can't believe it's gone on for two years - and people are still contributing. I guess this testifies to the reality of addiction to SL or at least one of its various aspects. (If I were to say I have an SL addiction, it would be to buying land. And clothing. And cool builds to put on my land - like a Japanese shoji house to live in, with a traditional tea house as outbuilding, as well as a secret grotto, a hidden forest with magical treehouse, etc.)

      I came to this page out of curiosity: an SL friend of mine - really, my only true SL friend - left awhile back, deleted his account and his avatar, talks about that time as having been wasted, refers to himself as an addict, and now I don't really have contact with him. Because we only 'met' in SL and live a long ways apart geographically, I have no more access to him. miss him. And so SL has been a barren wasteland for me ever since, a big beautiful place full of strangers.

      I didn't understand it. I didn't understand the term "addiction" as regards SL and didn't know it was a real phenomenon. I thought it was just some bugbear he had got into his head. And I could not get him to talk to me about it, I guess because he knows I am still active in SL. This, at least, is what I think now after reading this comment thread. Now I understand the whole thing so much better. Now I get that all he did was work full time, then rush home to be at his computer as soon as possible afterwards. He would stay on all night, sleeping as little as he could. I see now that he spent every waking hour not at work, every evening and all weekend, every weekend, in SL. I didn't get that before. The only time I ever knew him to leave the computer was to run to the corner takeout place and grab some BBQ and bring it back to the computer. That would take 10 mins or so each time.

      I see now that this probably is no special case. Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories.

      I didn't think I was addicted - and compared to a lot of the stories I've read here, my case is mild, if anything. But the truth of the matter is, every time I go back in there to sell off all my land so I can 'get out' and try and recoup some of my investment, I end up staying for a few hours, wandering around, checking out what's new in the neighborhood, changing outfits over and over, visiting some hotspots ...

      I set all my land for sale, and eventually some of it does sell - so I can tier down. WHEW. But what happens then? I immediately find another parcel of land - maybe this time perfectly situated on a beach, with a strip of green grass at the back and an unblockable view of protected Linden waters (so no one could ever build a highrise right there in front of me) ... and I'm hooked. I HAVE to have this piece of land!

      So I spend all the $$ I just got back from selling the first parcel, sometimes making up the difference with L$ I buy on eBay, and I get the new parcel to replace the one I offloaded. Sometimes this means not only staying at the same tier level, but actually tiering UP, i.e. paying more each month than I was before. So I'm back in there, stuck even more fixedly than ever.

      I don't have friends there, but I'm still stuck. It seems like such a paradox. Because the strong point of SL, after all, is that it is a social world.

      And what about RL? Everyone is assuming that something is lacking in RL for people to want to spend so much time in SL, immersing themselves - sometimes even losing themselves - completely. Well, in RL I live in the middle of nowhere and have no friends in my state. I work full time and I also take care of two small children. All my friends live far, far away. We communicate only via Facebook or email anyway. I wish they were in SL. I would give anything for that. In the absence of that, I would love to make real friends in SL. I don't see anything wrong with that. With owning a *little* parcel of land, paying my $7 per month, going in a few hours a week to roleplay.

      Of course, I can't deny it: I HAVE already spent on the order of several grand in SL: on skins, on hair, on beautifully detailed, beautifully textured houses and other builds, on land. I've spent maybe $3,000. Yeah, I could have spent that on a vacation. On any number of things.

      But I spent it having fun in SL. I love to dress up my avis. And the only thing that eats at me about that is the fact that it feels a bit like playing with dolls, something really childish and shallow and time-wasting. Right now I'm getting into roleplaying in SL, which feels much more active and social. I'm in there for the social aspect, after all. This is why, when I first started in SL, back in 2007, I got involved in live theatre productions in-world. I WANT it to be social; I don't care if the people behind the avatars are on the other side of the world and probably don't look anything like their lovely/cool visual representations and maybe have a few other life problems to boot.

      I don't know - I guess from all this you can tell I'm a bit conflicted about SL. Is is a waste of time? Should I spend all this time writing instead? But saying that it's not worth the time spent is like saying that game-playing - the social activity that equals RP'ing - is a waste of time. It's not. What's the difference between this and going to the movies for 2 hours and spending $50 for the pleasure (after tickets and gas money and popcorn and drinks and all)?

      I agree that it's all about the balance. But that goes for anything that can be done in excess. It's OK to drink wine with dinner or even slam down beers at a Halloween party. It's no longer OK if you're drinking two bottle of wine a day, or bingeing in bars and then getting behind the wheel. It's no longer OK when it gets to be something you have to cover up with lies, or when it pushes the 'real people' in your life away.

      I hope that I can keep that balance. I'm sorry for those who can't, and I really and truly do wish them well.

    • profile image

      Sl chick 6 years ago

      Sl is world where we escape.. if we find something good in rl you wont need SL. I am still stuck 2 days in a week in SL but i hope I wont log in anymore ever. I met horrible people on there -___-

    • profile image

      SL is my Shrink 6 years ago

      Someone said "Watch out - the people in SL are not who they are behind the keyboard in RL". You aren't even close to having gone far enough. I've been in for years and years now, and have met more than my share of avatars, and have connected in both RL and SL to them. Very little of SL matches RL, that's for sure. And like everything else, it's good and bad news. Just think about my learnings:

      - This is nothing more than a virtual telephone. SL connects RL people to each other and let's you pretend you're something you're not. But they're all still RL people, with minds and hearts and loves and feelings that are AFFECTED IN RL just the same as if you were sitting in front of someone.

      - When something really bad or good happens in SL, you CRY IN RL! Because SL IS REAL. You are REALLY connecting to another person in RL in real time! THere's nothing imaginary about it.

      - Nearly every long-term SL resident is there because it promises to be better than RL. As a side note, nearly every television watcher in RL is there because it promises to be better than RL. And every sports watcher. And every NASCAR watcher. And every Vegas / Atlantic City gambler. And a hundred other games like Worlds of Warcraft to Windows Solitaire. It's escape to something better for a while. SL is no different, just the impact on the subconscious and the checkbook is different!

      - SL relationships are not SL relationships. They are RL relationships consummated through a virtual interface. Once you give yourself permission to let the avatar represent you in SL, you are that avatar in RL. THATS why two avatars can have sex together in SL and your mind says its real. Because you are reaching out to that other RL person in your mind real-time!

      - So all the RL additions like gambling, sexual attraction, shopping addictions, etc. all follow you into SL just like in RL. Don't expect different.

      And don't expect that any newbie is going to believe this until it happens to them. The one thing that's different is that SL is WAY more immersive than most games, other than the really well done PS3 immersive games. I'm warning you - you won't understand this until you've been in SL for 6 months, spending all your time at someplace where you're really into what's going on, and the next day it's gone. For good. Because they didn't pay tier, because they got sick in RL, a hundred other things. And hundreds of SL people are now sobbing and crying and walking around like their lives just ended - because to some virtual degree, it did... happened to me several times now, and I'm still stunned at how I can't deal with it.

      Good luck to you all...

    • profile image

      Serena 6 years ago

      To Mom of SL Addict: My prayers are with you as you face this challenging time with your son. With all due respect, it seems that the core of his behavioral issues very likely go much deeper than sl. Hopefully a professional can give your family the support, help and uidance that you need.

      To Higgindog: I agree with you that it is primarily the social interaction on sl that is the hook that triggers the compulsion to go back to it. And certainly, the chemical release experienced in romantic/sexual relationships may serve as a strong stimulus for wanting more. Couple this with the idealization of the partner and the disinhibition effect and you've got a powerful lure to hook people in. Finally, you are right. SL can be used in very creative and productive ways. Unfortunately, I have encountered people in sl whose primary reason for entering was a creative or academic purpose fall into the very same patterns of compulsion set forth here. It is very tough to remain grounded in reality and not be swept away by the lure of sl fantasy.