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Surgeon Simulator 2013 How to Guide - 'QWOP' Meets 'Operation' in Open Heart Surgery!

Updated on February 12, 2013

Fancy a career in medicine? You might want to reconsider after trying your hand at Surgeon Simulator 2013. This deceptively difficult game plops you in the middle of the Operating Room, your only mission: to perform an emergency, life-saving heart transplant…

What could possibly go wrong?

This crude and misguided Surgeon Simulator Strategy Guide (try saying that ten times!) gives you some essential tips and how to’s, before you don the surgical gown, pick up that scalpel… and inevitably butcher the patient!

Using the simple controls, you are to guide the nervous hands of Nigel Burke, whose good intentions dramatically outweigh his depth perception and hand-eye coordination skills. Just don't let that, or Nigel’s complete lack of medical training dull your confidence!

To start the procedure, launch the game and pull back the sterile cloth, exposing the gaping chest cavity of this poor, unsuspecting patient. Now get to work - STAT!

If you haven’t accidentally thrown the saw across the room, broken all the glass vessels and spilled an assortment of surgical instruments into the chest cavity a few minutes into surgery - you’re doing well!

If you have - don’t worry! The anesthesiologist has done a great job of putting this guy under, and no amount of heavy-handedness will wake the patient (let's hope).

Pick up the electric saw, and use it to gingerly remove his ribs and sternum. If that doesn’t work, doctors recommended you grab the hammer and wield it around inside the patient's chest - it should achieve the same result (more-or-less). Carefully remove his shattered ribs and lungs and toss them on the sterile tray. If they happen to roll off the table and onto the floor, it's okay - Nobody will notice!

Next, remove the old heart, and toss it aside. He won’t be needing it any more.

If you haven’t as yet knocked the ice box off the table, grab the new heart it contains and chuck it in his chest. Then carefully tip his lungs back in, and what remains of his ribs.

And that's it! The patient is good-as-new, and expected to make a full recovery! (Come on - Let's be optimistic here).

Surgery complete! Crisis averted!

Check out the video below on what NOT to do in surgery, leave a comment in comment section below, and have fun playing Surgeon Simulator 2013!

How NOT to Perform a Heart Transplant

Oh, and if you're not doing anything important right now (which, let's face, you're not!) check out my other article on how to beat QWOP!


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