The Worst Video Game Titles
Making a video game is hard, but giving that game a sensible name seems even harder. From the ambiguous to the bizarre, video games have had more than their share of head-scratching labels. Here's a look at some of the most confusing, bewildering, and downright annoying titles and naming habits in video games.
Square Enix Games
Square has a penchant for going against the grain (and common sense) in it’s naming conventions. Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days is actually pronounced “Three Five Eight Over Two Days”. Why? Because that’s how normal people talk, of course. The proper way to pronounce Dissidia 012 Final Fantasy is “Dissidia Duodecim Final Fantasy”. Duodecim is a word you use to cheat in Scrabble, not put in a video game title. If you look closely, Final Fantasy Versus XIII is actually clever code for “This Game Will Never See the Light of Day, Losers”
At some point in the last couple of years, an invisible rule was made stating that a reboot has to share the same name as the original game in it's series. What started as an annoying trend in movies has made it way into video games. Twisted Metal. Mortal Kombat. SSX. Tomb Raider. Devil May Cry. I understand that you're starting over, but that doesn't mean the original games ceases to exist. Sounds more like lazy naming to me. The only reboot game to get this right is Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, a reboot that invites new fans and uses a subtitle to tell long-time fans that it's a new entry in their favorite series. Seriously, it's not hard, guys.
The Legend of Zelda
Zelda's titles aren't so much confusing as they are misleading. I know I'm not the only one who used to think Link was the person the title referred to. Instead, the title is named after a princess you never play as, who is missing a majority of most of the games. Since Link does all the work, shouldn't the game be named after him? What exactly is so legendary about Zelda, anyway? That she's the only princess to give Princess Peach a run for her money in terms of being in peril? I'd love for Nintendo to finally make a game called The Legend of Link, only to reverse the roles and have Zelda rescue a captured Link.
Any Title With A Number In It's Name
This is one of the most annoying naming conventions ever. Games like Driv3r. F.3.A.R try to add a little style to their titles but it makes the game titles look like text messages. Oh man, Battl3field was soooo much better than Mod3rn Warfare, right? Shoving a number where it doesn’t belong isn’t cool—it just makes your game look really silly.
The Metal Gear Series
Metal Gear is one of my all-time favorite franchises, but man, their titles are confusing if you’re not familiar with the series. The series starts with Metal Gear, then goes to Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake. Cool, but then Metal Gear Solid comes around and THEN we get Metal Gear Solid 2. So wait, now we have Metal Gear 2 and Metal Gear Solid 2? Which is the real 2? Is there any good reason why Metal Gear Solid couldn't just be Metal Gear 3? Maybe if Konami ditched the numbers once the Solid games came and just called it Metal Gear Solid: Sons of Liberty, it wouldn’t be so confusing but it’s a real head scratcher that could have easily been avoided.
Sequels That Sound Like Expansions
This is a trend I've never really understood but has become very popular. Why are developers becoming increasingly hesitant to release a numbered sequel? It's like they're afraid their next idea might flop so they give it a random subtitle as some sort of safety net. That way you can at least say "Well, Brotherhood was okay, but at least it's not really Assassin's Creed III" But it is! What's more confusing is that whenever developers are called out on it, they insists it's a true sequel, just not a numbered sequel. That makes about as much sense as this conversation:
Ubisoft: Our next game will be Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood.
Player: Ah, so an expansion?
Ubisoft: No, no, this will be a full-fledged sequel that takes the story significant steps forward.
Player: So it's Assassin's Creed III?
Ubisoft: Don't be foolish, we're not ready for Assassin's Creed III yet. This game will merely build up to that, but it is still required playing.
Player: So it is a sequel to Assassin's Creed II...it's just not Assassin's Creed III?
Ubisoft: Now we're getting somewhere.
Sequels That Don't Sound Like Sequels
Parasite Eve was a pretty cool series; they should totally make a new one. What's that? There's a new Parasite Eve out? Well, what's it called? The 3rd Birthday?? Well, how the hell would I know what that is? Next you'll be telling me Hard Corps: Uprising is the new Contra or something.
This could also be a complaint on constant iterations, but do you think that's enough adjectives in one title? I know "Street Fighter II: The Better Version" sounds kind of dull, but at least I'm not being slammed in the face with 19 different descriptions. That's what the back of the box is for, guys. Simplify the names into something that tells me I'm getting an improved version without using every word in a thesaurus for "better".
The .hack Series
And now we've reached the undisputed king of crappy game titles. Good lord, where do I even start? Just look at it; it’s like someone chewed up a hyperlink and vomited it on a game box. The title of a game should at least give you some idea of what it is or it’s place in the series. How do you even pronounce that? I remember seeing these games for the first time years ago and not knowing what to think.The cover art looked cool, but by the time it took me to decide whether to pick up .hack//_redemption//vol. 4.5//ANGEL_WINGS or .hack//P.O.O.P.//save_us.222@technobeltsshirts, I’d already bought Metal Gear Solid 2 or something. When the title of your game looks like a dyslexic student's failed web design project, you’ve got serious problems.
Agree or disagree? Feel free to comment and let me know of what video game titles you find ridiculous.
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