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QWOP Walking Simulation Game
Simulations are all the rage now, mostly because people love creating worlds in which they are the masters. The Sims franchise is extremely popular for this reason. If you're suddenly struck with a keen urge to create an Aryan race whilst playing the sims, well you just go ahead and do it. If only Hitler had access to the Sims and a more encouraging art teacher, WWII might never have happened, and as a direct result of that, Israel might not be pouring white phosphorous on Palestinian children to this day. We're all connected you know, in the great circle of insane violence that is life.
But games allow us to escape the horrifying realities of the real world and create nano worlds, where everything is okay. Or not okay, if you're the sort of person who creates houses in which sims die in fires. What kind of person would do that? I'll tell you right now what kind of person would do that. A bad one. Bad person!
But I'm digressing everywhere, digressing all over your screen, because what I really wanted to write about in this article is this little online flash game called QWOP, which simulates walking. 'Simulates walking ?', you say incredulously, adjusting your monocle, 'what kind of a game is that?' (I know you wear a monocle because I know that you are a classy person who has dressed up to come to the Internets, where only the most refined and eloquent people gather.)
QWOP is a game played by pressing the QW and OP keys, or rather the Q,W,O and P keys. Q and W control the thighs, O and P control the calves. Chances are you won't get very far whilst playing this game. My record is 1.4 meters and I achieved that quite by accident the very first time I played simply by pressing the keys in succession. Since that time, I've fallen on my face multiple times at the start line, which teaches me a valuable lesson. Even on the days when my only achievement is shuffling from the bedroom to the bathroom and back again, I'm achieving something truly awesome, something so hard to simulate that the average online gamer is unable to replicate it.
In that sense, QWOP is a motivational game. It will make you feel good about real world achievements you unlocked when you were probably under two years old. It will make you look like a genius. And it will make you realize that your mind truly is a wonderful machine, able to coordinate massively complex muscle groups with the grace of a super computer. You're wonderful. Yes you are. Yes you are!