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Updated on February 23, 2011

I look deeply, studying the lines in her face, the turned down mouth

Her eyes are flat – blue – maybe gray

The hair is dull and has no particular shape

Who is she?

Why is she here?

Her eyes will not rise to meet mine but I can not challenge her to go away

Knowing if I speak she will not answer

She is without expression, nearly without presence – yet here she is

What does she want?

I do not remember her arrival

I turn my back to her and busy myself

She is there

I know it and I dare not look

My seeing confirms her

she gains strength from recognition

I gather some of my favorite things placing them around me … a fortress

She is not impressed

The plant I hold up high and tight, using both hands as if wielding a sword

…is withering, the leaves a sickening brown, they crumble as I touch them

I refuse her

I go to the dressing table and begin to brush my hair

I will indulge myself with fragrance, light and fresh, pleasurable

But the brush becomes so heavy in my hand

The perfume is heavy, sickeningly sweet yet acrid

It gags me

I am so tired now

A little rest and then I’ll begin my day

I lay down my head, my body so weary

And pull the covers tight

Closing out the light and her

The struggle ended, she sighs

Content in her victory


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  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

    Thank you Seek-n-Find for the investment of your time to read and for your compliments. Yes, Depression can feel like a haunting of sorts. You can feel like a ghost of your former, healthy self and you can also feel as if Depression has a physical manifestation that accompanies you every where you go, always seeking to devour you, as Satan does. Prayer and the proper medical attention are most important in treating the symptoms of true Clinical or Chronic Depression.

  • Seek-n-Find profile image

    Jenna Ditsch 6 years ago from Illinois

    I love your ability to draw me into the experiences of which you write. At first I thought you were talking about a ghost because that's what the picture made me think of. But I guess that's not too far off sometimes--things like depression, anxiety, sadness, etc. seem like "ghosts" to me in many ways. Thanks for sharing.

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

    Thank-you Colin. I always appreciate your reading of my hubs.

  • epigramman profile image

    epigramman 6 years ago

    ..well this a very deep and powerful write and you approach it with such soulfulness and poetic inquiry ..... and like I always say if you write from the heart the mind will always follow ......

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 7 years ago from On the edge

    swb, what a compliment coming from you! Thank you dear man and you are welcome anytime! I read your hubs too and always come away satisfied and more!

  • swb78 profile image

    Scott Biddulph 7 years ago from Gainesville Georgia

    Fantastic read, I loved the symbolism. Great Hub, you are a very talented writer, Scott

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 7 years ago from On the edge

    LOL Q. I can see you haven't been reading. Yes, it is the Phoenix, and my new name, except to officially change my name Hub Pages requires a whole new account. Check my profile and you'll understand a little better. I'm trying to write things other than depressing. It's just what comes out at the time and I know that is hard for you to read. My ope is that it reaches out to others who may feel the same and give some hope.

  • QudsiaP1 profile image

    QudsiaP1 7 years ago

    Love your new display picture, reminds me much of the phoenix.

    As far as the poem? What can I say, it leaves me speechless.

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 7 years ago from On the edge

    I hope you always see this Laurie: "God loves in you, even that which you dislike. God doesn't partition you into pieces loving some and not others. That's what people do. God, who created you, accepts and loves every little part of you, even those you deny and hate in yourself. So next time you try to dislike a part of you, just pause, look and remember that God loves it. From a daily devotion "Today God Wants You to Know"

  • LaurieDawn profile image

    LaurieDawn 7 years ago

    I have been that person before in the mirror, often looking away, and find myself there still at times. Your words impacted me today and for that I bless you and thank you Dear Lady.



  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 7 years ago from On the edge

    Hello stars and thanks so much! I really enjoy it when you take the time to stop by and read some of my ramblings!

  • stars439 profile image

    stars439 7 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

    Fantastic poem. God Bless You Dear Heart.

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 7 years ago from On the edge

    We too have a winter storm advisory for the weekend. Luckily for me, the farthest we have to go is about ten blocks to my son's home tonight for my granddaughter's sixth birthday. Time to celebrate!!!! ;)

  • SomewayOuttaHere profile image

    SomewayOuttaHere 7 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

    ...i do appreciate your words and what you have to say....and how you write it....from your soul....that's the best way to write, i think anyway....

    ....awwwww...more snow today for me!...i can't take it anymore...we don't normally get it...usually a few sprinkles and then it's gone....washed i'm wishing for the rain again.....ha ha ha.....

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 7 years ago from On the edge

    Thank you SOH, I always appreciate it when you read and your kind comments.

  • SomewayOuttaHere profile image

    SomewayOuttaHere 7 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

    ....excellent! describe 'the fog' very well....

  • Poohgranma profile image

    Poohgranma 7 years ago from On the edge

    It depends, Ben. It can be a side of people meaning they have some issues that need to be worked out, maybe with a counselor. Some people get down and get the blues and it's hard to get motivated but in this case, I wrote this about ten years ago when I couldn't get the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds I needed and I could barely function at all - meaning days in the same clothes, hair unwashed, serious depression.

    You can have a bout of Depression, get temporary help and never have it again. You can get it once and then have it again later or you can get what I have, which is Treatment Resistant Depression and it doesn't respond well to any of the current medications. I've been on over twenty different meds and/or combinations and my baseline - how functional I am - is pretty low. Once in a great while I'll do better for a few weeks or even a couple of months, but it doesn't seem as if it will ever be the same as it once was. Understanding that took a very long time as I was very energetic and high functioning before the last "bout" of Depression moved in and stayed. If you have any other questions, give me a shout. It doesn't have to be this way - thousands of people are helped tremendously and live very normal lives. ;)

  • BenWritings profile image

    BenWritings 7 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

    Is she the thing that prevents you from moving forward? That keeps you in your bed, unable to face the day?

    I really liked this, I feel like it is speaking of the side of people that stops them from being happy, finding success, being motivated. It is a terrible struggle for me

    very nice work, and a good idea. original