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10 Easy Ways To Have More Self Love

Updated on August 30, 2012
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Through her passion for writing and coaching, Rachael shares her experience and support in the journey of loving an addict.

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection – Buddha

My mother always told me that to ever have true love, I had to first love myself.

I ignored her advice as I consistently fell head over heels in love with all sorts of totally unsuitable and incompatible partners and then one day, heartbroken and fed up with walking the same path over and over again, I realised she might be right.

On a mission to improve my own levels of self love, I read, researched, practice and finally discover consistent ways to increase my self care, and self esteem.

It wasn't an overnight process, but slowly and surely, I began to experience what it felt like to genuinely love myself. Not in way that is conceited or arrogant, as many of imagine self love is, but in a way that made me feel confident and sure about who I am, who I want to be and the value of myself as a person.

Which changed everything, and led me to a life of true love, both for myself and with my husband, and to a career that is has me teaching others how to have the same self love in their lives.

There were 10 key steps to took me down the path to self love. And I want to share them with you so you can begin to discover the freedom that is possible when we let go of self loathing and general disregard for self.

10 Paths To Self Love


Exercise isn't only important for losing weight or getting toned. It also contributes to our health, and is a wonderful way to practice self care.

Rather than considering exercise a chore, which takes up your time and energy, reconsider it as a gift to you and your body. An act of love that nurtures and gives life. Try to think about exercise as an investment in yourself, with every minute of exercise taken as another deposit into your bank of life.


What you put into your body, reflects your level of self love. When you fill up with foods full of preservatives, chemicals and low nutritional elements, you express a lack of self care for the one body that has to get you all the way through this life.

Eat well and gift your body with foods that are fresh, clean and nutritious. That’s not to say you can’t enjoy foods that are less nutritious some of the time, but make it a general way of life to love and nurture your body with good food.

Quality Connections

Remember that kid at school that your parents used to tell you they didn’t want you hanging around with? They felt that way because they loved you and wanted you to be influenced by better quality peers.

Well, it's still important to follow their advice. Connect with people who make you feel loved, appreciated and valued. Not with people who cause you to doubt yourself, make you feel ugly, judged or criticized, or harm you in any way verbally, or physically.

Rest and Recreation

Everyone needs down time rest and relax, physically, mentally and emotionally. When you deprive yourself of this much needed recuperation, you encourage stress and overwhelm, two very toxic conditions that don’t serve you, or the people around you.

Give yourself love by taking the time to rest your body and mind and allow them to process all the intricacies of your day.

Love Language

The words we say, and allow into our life, are the beliefs we nurture. If you constantly berate yourself for being overweight, or put yourself down to others about the way you look, then those beliefs are what you will manifest.

The solution is to change your language. You don't have to spend hours in the mirror affirming yourself but practice catching yourself when you start to use negative language, and stop those thoughts in their tracks. As my gran used to say, ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all’.

Indulge Your Passions

One of the quickest paths to fulfillment is finding your passion. And fulfillment, nurtures self love.

Your passion doesn’t have to be world changing, it just has to be something that you love doing, something that has you lost in time and feeling so inspired that your heart sings. That might mean getting lost in the garden with dirt on your hands, or spending your days painting, writing or sewing. It doesn’t matter. Just find your passion, and indulge it.

Self Respect

When loving another, or loving our selves, where there is no respect, there is little love. But conducting yourself in a manner that honours who you are and how you feel at your best, allows self love to expand naturally.

Avoid, or remove yourself, from situations which do not honour who you are, or who you want to be, and commit to making choices that are positive and respectful of you and your life’s vision.

Self Stocktake

Do you ever just sit back and say to yourself ‘You know what, all this stuff I’ve done in my life is freakin’ amazing’? I’m guessing not.

It's important to recognise our successes so take a piece of paper and a pen, and start writing down ALL the things you are proud of and EVERYTHING you have ever done or been that is wonderful, successful, amazing, kind and loving.

Then, when you start to doubt yourself, look at that list and remind yourself about the all kinds of awesome you already are.

Accept Compliments

When you receive a compliment, how do you respond? By brushing it off or by negating it with some other flaw you point out?

Most people find receiving and accepting a compliment difficult and uncomfortable, but when you reject someone’s compliment, you miss an opportunity to express self love. By refusing to accept the gift of praise, you essentially tell yourself that the person must be lying, and there’s no way their praise could be relevant to you. And in doing so, you confirm your own negative beliefs.

Want to know how to accept a compliment? It’s really easy. Just start by saying ‘thank you’, even if you don’t believe it (yet).

Forgive Yourself

Through the course of life we take on a lot of emotional baggage. Some we cause ourselves, some is caused by others, but it is only us that nurtures it and keeps it alive.

Often times it feels impossible to release old hurts, until the person who hurt you can heal your heart. But the truth is that self forgiveness is much more important, and it has the power to release you instantly.

Take the time to express and practice self forgiveness for anything you feel you are holding onto as shame, guilt, anger or hatred. Offer yourself forgiveness so that you can heal, and love.

Self love doesn't come instantly, or easily. It takes practice and constant awareness.

But if you choose to commit to increasing your levels of self love, you are choosing to have a much happier, more loving and fulfilled life.

Surely that's a choice you WANT to make?


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