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- Mentally & Emotionally Balanced Living
10 Tips for Leading A More Balanced Life (No BS)
This is the abridged version of this article. The original can be found on my livejournal account.
**I wrote this a few months ago. It's meant to be both humorous and serious. I hope everyone gets that ;-).**
I’ve read through more than a few blogs/articles with this title online and even though they give good (life changing) tips, they’re all a load of bullsh*t. Why are they bullsh*t? Because people aren’t really going to do the things they suggest. Chances are, the people who took the time out to do a Google search to find those pages probably already know they should exercise more and eat healthier; the point is, they were looking for quick fixes to help them get over a hump they’ve found themselves in and they simply need a jolt of some kind to get them in the right direction. Sometimes people aren’t sure what they need to change to make things better and they just need a little insight.
Here's my list of ways to lead a more balanced life. Just trust me ;-).
I’m talking about more than just your living space, but that doesn’t mean I’m NOT freakin’ INCLUDING your living space. Because I seriously am. Clean your house, your apartment, your mobile home, your whatever; I don’t care what you live in, just clean it up. Top to bottom. From your showerheads to your welcome mats. And if you’re rolling your eyes reading that and just thinking that it’s hard, then I’m thinking something else about you and it’s not very nice. This is probably one of the easiest tips on this entire list.
You’d be surprised at how disgusting some people are. I just moved into an apartment a few weeks ago and I honestly don’t know how the previous tenants survived in their own filth. The funny part is this place was cleaned top to bottom before I moved in and it was still backbreaking work taking off the layers of grout I found *shudders*.
The sad part is a lot of people become comfortable in their own mess, or they’re comfortable continuously making a mess, and when that happens you’re in trouble.
Don’t become a hoarder. It’s sad. It’s tragic. It’s just not cute at all.
People make up all kinds of excuses why they don’t have time to clean, like they have to take care of their kids and going to work, but the truth is, you’re probably just lazy and nobody tells you. I just did. Your @$$ is lazy and should feel bad that you’re at your computer with a plate by the monitor that should’ve (and could’ve) been in the kitchen (washed and put away) hours ago (like me *ahem*…who said that???).
The mess you live in represents other aspects of your life. If you’re living in a mess--your house and your car included--chances are there are other parts of your life that are in shambles as well. It’s not an absolute guarantee, but it’s a “more than likely” type of thing.
And if it still seems too hard, just hire a friggin’ cleaning service to come in and help you get your life in order just a bit. And don’t moan at that. You probably spend at least $200 on dumbs#!t every other week on stuff you don’t need or never ever use; so put that money to other use and put it towards cleaning up your home. People act like hiring a cleaning service to come in and do their dirty work takes thousands of dollars or they have to be rich and famous to have it done. No it doesn’t and no you don’t. Stop being stingy if that’s case.
Another thing you should clean? How about…let’s say…YOURSELF! You dirty bastard. And I don’t just mean take a shower or bath. I’m talking about ladies get a Brazilian wax and men get laser hair removal for your backs and get a hair cut (on your head; or hack off the comb over--we all know it’s a comb over, and we just feel sorry for you for doing it). And if it’s necessary, change hygiene products. I highly recommend the ones from Lush.com. They have an amazing selection of vegan and vegetarian products that also get the job done and then some. But if Lush products are out of your budget, I also recommend Dollar General or Wal-Mart. They have good soap, too. Just f***ing wash, wax, and you’ll feel better. And you’ve taken the first steps in getting your balancing act together.
I’m not talking speed, I’m talking about not eating for a few hours during the day. Even if you don’t usually, and have never fasted, even for religious reasons, it would be good if you tried it for some basic health reasons. You can probably do a search and pull up some articles on the benefits of fasting and I encourage you to because I’m not going into it deep on here in this blog. To be honest, I just don’t feel like it. But what I will tell you is that you’re doing your bodily organs a major favor when you stop eating like food is going out of style every now and then.
Many years ago, when people had to hunt for their food, they didn’t constantly eat. Sometimes they didn’t eat for an entire day. Oh gasp, the HORROR!! And guess what? They actually didn’t die…
When you fast you’re actually giving your heart a break, believe it or not. You’re giving your stomach a break. You’re giving your insides--which can get stressed--a chance to breathe and reboot. You’ll also notice that when you fast properly, you’ll be more mindful of the things you eat when you start stuffing your face again. Especially if you’re serious about trying to get healthy; most times you’ll think twice about lunging for a cookie or a cupcake.
There are many different methods and a lot of advice to gather on fasting. I just don’t feel like typing it here *shrugs*. Sue me…or don’t. I’d really rather you not. That’s why I have to make the bonehead plea that you talk to a doctor before taking any of my advice. You have access to WEbMD; like you give two s#!ts about what your doctor is going to say. You’ve probably done half a dozen things in the last six hours that your doctor would strongly urge you NEVER to attempt in YOUR LIFE.
Bottom line: Fasting gives you a little perspective on things and it’s beneficial in a ton of ways. However, doing it is totally up to you.
3) Have A Whole Lot of Sex/Masturbate
Just don’t go overboard like the guy who masturbated like forty-something+ times and died from it. That’s just embarrassing. I am so glad I don’t have a dick. (I would’ve thought after at least the first 3 times he would’ve grabbed a sandwich, some apple juice, and a power nap at least; that’s what I would’ve done anyway *shrugs*.)
Sex is actually good for you. Having an orgasm is also good, but let’s face it, an orgasm is the butter cream icing on moist rich vanilla cake. But there are just as many incentives to make sure you orgasm as it is for the actual act of sex.Same as fasting, having sex has its health benefits and can also make you feel better. But you already knew that, didn’t you? ;-)
(The rest of number 3 can be found on the original post. The content was too graphic.)
4) Reduce the Use of Certain Things in Your Life (Or Stop Doing Them Altogether)
We've convinced ourselves that we can't live without certain things and that's simply not true. A lot of us thrive on things like caffeine, social media, talking on the phone, being surrounded by people (that may not always be good for us), bad habits that you know are bad habits that you feel you somehow can't break--and those things end up weighing negatively on our lives.
Caffeine is a drug, most people will admit that. One of the top ways that people choose to ingest caffeine is through coffee. Not everyone likes the taste of coffee and some people are too sensitive to tolerate the effects of caffeine, but plenty of people drink coffee as a routine to "start their day". I never used to drink coffee growing up, but over the last year and a half I began drinking caffeinated coffee on a regular basis for energy. As someone who hadn't been drinking coffee or taking in caffeine on a regular basis I can honestly say that I felt the after effects when I didn't drink caffeinated coffee more acutely. I understand why a lot of people can barely function without caffeine. After drinking caffeinated coffee regularly for 3 months straight, I noticed that when I didn't have it my body went through a crash. A major one. It felt almost impossible to function at an optimum level without having at least two cups of coffee. That can't be good. Don't misunderstand me, I would drink energy drinks every now and again, but never more than one or two cans in a month with interval months in between. I'd never experienced the sort of withdrawals from caffeine that I do now. I'm not going to be melodramatic with what I feel after I have two cups of coffee two days in a row and on the third day I don't have any, but I will say that it's a noticeable difference in my energy level AND mood from how it was when I never used to drink coffee at all. I don't blame people who don't like the feeling they have when they don't or can't have coffee at times and they try to wean themselves off of it, but I can also understand people who love coffee and want to have it everyday. I didn't even use to like the taste of coffee, but now I sort of have cravings for it every now and again.
There are a few different websites that offer alternative methods to coffee drinkers that may want to change their ways, and there is decaffeinated coffee for people who don't want to take in the caffeine. There are also many health benefits to coffee as well as the downside of having coffee yellow your teeth over time and having a distinct odor emit from heavy drinkers that not everyone likes (hey, I just read about that one; I'll let other people be the judge).
I personally don't think drinking caffeinated drinks everyday is good for your heart and metabolism in the long run, but there are plenty of things--like coffee--that have their upside and their downside. My advice would be to drink in moderation and not excess and that goes for anything too rich in caffeine, sugar, salt, and fat.
Another thing people act as if they can't live without now is social networking. Facebook, texting, and Twitter have replaced the old addictions of merely talking on the phone (although people still talk on the phone quite a bit). A lot of couples and families don't communicate like they used to because of the advances in technology and the overwhelming use of social networking between both parents and children. People get into fights over the internet that should remain private, not to mention the lies people tell. Oh, the lies! Have you noticed most people have the perfect relationships on Facebook and Twitter? I've personally known plenty of couples that were on the verge of divorce and yet there they were, posting happy pictures and comments on their feeds about what a perfect life and relationship they have. That's the poison effect of paying too much attention to social networking sites; you're comparing your situation to other people's that you probably know personally and they're more than likely not telling the truth. It used to be that you only got glimpses of the lives of those you know. Things are different now. You know more of what's on people's lives--or at least you think you do. No matter how much you think you know those in your social circles, keep in mind that you still don't know them all that well. Other people still are mastering the art of illusion when it comes to their lives so don't be fooled into thinking negatively about yourself just because you think someone has it better than you because of what they've posted. Then again, if you find yourself paying too much attention to others by way of social networking then you should slow down with it. Don't let social networking become the beginning and end of your existence. Unless social networking is your job, or a part of your job, you shouldn't spend more than 10-15% of your day using it. I'm being realistic. It has become a huge part of our lives, but no one should let it take over their life. No one can tell you as an adult when and how to draw the line when it comes to your indulgence in social networking and your use of technology, but you should know that a line should be drawn.
Our friends and family are huge parts of our lives, but that doesn't say that regardless of any and everything you have to be around someone who is toxic to your own life. Don't get me wrong, there's always a bigger picture to things, two sides to every story, and various points that could be made from any given situation, but life is much too short to keep people around who are going to make you miserable and/or who are adding unnecessary drama to your life. Unless you like being miserable, or maybe you like the drama. Some people do thrive on the chaos in their lives because not so deep down they believe they'd be bored without it. Maybe it's not you that brings the drama, but maybe you have a spouse that invites the drama into your life, maybe it's one of your children, maybe it's one of your friends. The worst kind of drama is the kind that you're not directly involved in, that you didn't create, and yet there's nothing at all you can do to rectify or at the very least make the situation better in any way. Sometimes we can control the messes we have to wade through, and sometimes we can't. The actual problem comes in when you can nullify it, but you don't. If there is a friend or relative member that you don't have to see and they cause trouble for you and others, I don't care if it's for one day of the year--stay away from them if you have the choice. If you're an adult and you're still holding on to a dead end friendship, keeping toxic people around you, then it's your fault; and if your life is out of balance because it, that's your fault, too. When you recognize things like this, you either take action to make your life better or you do nothing at all and stay in the rut you're in. The choice is yours.
There are a lot of bad habits we have that keep our lives out of balance--some we acknowledge, some we don't. YOU should know what your bad habits are better than anyone else, but sadly, that's not the case for most people. It's a lot easier to recognize someone else's bad habits rather than our own and that's why it's so important that we listen to those who care about us. It's also important that we engage in self examination of the mental and emotional variety just as much as the physical examinations of ourselves. One of the main problems today is everyone is so fixated on the physical, we forget about what's inside of people, and that's what matters the most. I hate it when I hear people say things like, "How could he/she leave him/her? They're gorgeous!" So what? Who cares if they look good if they're being a bitch all the time? Who cares if someone looks good if they're hate-filled and toxic to be around? Sometimes people's egos are out of control and they're so far up their own asses that they make it almost impossible to like them. And when people start ignoring what's in people's heads and hearts and preferring physical beauty, that's when and why we know we're in trouble. Look inside yourself and be honest. You CAN stop eating fast food. You CAN save more money. You CAN spend less time in front of the computer and spend it with your loved ones. You CHOOSE not to. You're choosing your bad habits over improving your life.
5) Keep A Journal (In Other Words...VENT!)
I don't care if it's a notebook in your nightstand drawer or one you keep online and have every single entry you make turned on private, the point is that everyone needs to get their personal feelings out in some way for whatever reason. Some people keep a journal to make note of a particular struggle they're having or a journey they're taking throughout life while other people do it to keep a record of their own activities. And then there are those people who've either always kept a journal or they started keeping one just so they wouldn't have to keep things all bottled up inside of themselves and/or to make their own lives make sense to them after they've written out their perspective of their experiences. A journal is a great way to do all of the above--as an outlet of personal feels during a particular struggle or a person's day to day life--but the bottom line is that it's a personal expression of oneself in any way they see things.
The same way some people feel better after exercising, some people feel after they've written in their journals. Having a journal allows a person to see what's in their head and heart and what they're feeling in their own words. I know a lot of people keep photo and song journals and things like that, but what I'm talking about are strictly when people write or type out exactly what's going on in their lives, or what happened previously. There are a lot of people who can't necessarily articulate what they're feeling speaking aloud and they do a much better job writing it down. I'm one of those people; especially when it comes to talking about painful things in the past. During some past therapy sessions I've actually broken down in tears too much to speak about certain things, but even if they make me cry as I'm writing or typing them out it ends up being productive because I can get through it without a time limit or having another person staring at me as I'm crying buckets. That can become...awkward to say the least. That's why I believe writing is a wonderful tool of expression, especially personal writing.
Don't think that my above paragraph makes me against therapy. If anything, I'm all for advising people to spring for therapy in place of a journal or along with having a journal if they need to talk to somebody. There's nothing wrong with talking to a "stranger" about your problems, and as a matter of fact, I think most people accomplish way more talking to a therapist than they would talking to someone they consider a friend or a family member because you're talking to an unbiased party who will sit there and listen to you. It doesn't matter if you're paying them; you pay a lot of people do things for you in your life and you don't b!tc# about it, so why b!tc# about paying a therapist? You're not trying to buy a buddy, you're doing something to aide in your mental well-being. You don't have to be going through turmoil to see a therapist either. You don't have to be depressed or suicidal (or both), or have any other mental issue. It's the same reason you have a pediatrician on standby for your kids, an OB/GYN or general practitioner or dentist or accountant or lawyer on standby for yourself--there doesn't have to be an issue, but you still go in to check up on affairs every now and again or you have them there to keep things in balance for yourself.
There are some people who don't really have anyone to vent to and it doesn't matter if they're married or not, or if they have friends or tons of family members. We're human beings and regardless of what anyone says we're all put on this earth for a reason and we need one another in order to maintain our health all the way around. I'm a loner in the truest sense of the word, but even I have to admit that everybody needs somebody in their life, and we all especially need someone to talk to, journal or no journal. Always keep a dialogue with someone going and if you can't tell them everything, keep a journal in some way. A journal isn't a kid or a teenage thing even if that's what it's associated with mainly. Just because you keep a journal doesn't make you immature, and you don't have to talk about it to anyone. Same as we all need someone in our lives, it's healthy to keep some things to ourselves.
A journal can be a form of therapy, but there's nothing wrong with going to therapy--for whatever reason--either. The point is that getting out your thoughts and feelings in some way is helpful no matter how you go about doing it as long as it's not hurting anyone in the process.
6) Put Some Good Stuff in Your Body
I'm not trying to force anyone to be a health nut, but you need to be good to your body if you want your body to be good to you in return.
Here's what a lot of people haven't realized yet: Striving to be thin doesn't automatically mean you're striving to be healthier. A lot of people starve themselves and/or go on crash diets to get thinner not thinking about trying to eat healthier in order for their bodies to be better inside; instead, they're only concerned about aesthetics.
BE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR ORGANS AS WELL AS YOUR WAIST SIZE!!!
A little over a year ago I started eating better. It wasn't some drastic decision either. I went shopping one weekday morning and decided that if I felt a certain food was "unnecessary", I wasn't going to chuck it into my shopping cart. I got up to the counter with some fresh fruit, fresh bags of salad (with romaine lettuce), pre-cracked sunflower seeds, seaweed snacks, vegetable chips, salmon, tuna, eggs, tofu miso soup, etc. You can see where I'm going with that. I bought fruit juice, but you have to watch those because at times fruit juices contain just as much sugar in them as sodas; I also don't think drinking diet sodas are any better than drinking regular sodas (you can read the studies for yourself and come to your own conclusions). I also never particularly liked the taste of diet drinks either. I ended up drinking more water during that time period than I did any other drink anyway. After about two weeks of eating a certain way I actually started to FEEL better overall. My sleeping patterns were better, my energy level was up (it wasn't any over-the-top feeling, but my energy was consistent throughout the day and I didn't get a tired worn down feeling no matter what I was doing), and I just felt lighter on my feet. To top it off, for the first time in my life I wasn't trying to lose weight, I was pretty comfortable with the size that I was, but all of a sudden I was dropping weight effortlessly. And no, I wasn't exercising. I was just going about my days like normal doing regular activities, but curiosity got the better of me and I was losing weight without a second thought. It didn't matter either way to me, but what I was intrigued with was the fact that I felt so much better inside and out.
Let me add this so I don't mislead anyone: I hadn't eaten any fast food in over two years by then and I wasn't eating any fast food during that time. I noticed a long time ago that what everyone said was true about fast food--when you don't have it for a while, you stop craving it at all. Maybe it's all the chemicals that you take into your body when you're eating at fast food joints program your body to want more. Or it could just be your MENTAL CONDITIONING that's convinced you that you SHOULD want fast food. You have cravings for fast food because you like the taste and you want it again; the same can be said for most bad habits.
Instead of grabbing something fried or a thick cheeseburger, opt for a lemon salmon dish, a tuna salad or a tuna sandwich. I wouldn't suggest foods that I wouldn't eat and didn't like to other people. Maybe you wouldn't want to eat certain foods every single time, but it couldn't hurt to replace other unhealthy foods with these choices every now and again. Your body will thank you for making those choices in the long run.
I love homemade strawberry lemonade and it doesn't have as much sugar as other fruit drinks. I know everyone says water is just water, but for me Fiji water is one of those refreshingly clean tasting waters that you buy and when you're through with one bottle you reach for another. And the bottle's pretty. F**k you. Don't judge me.
I'm not telling you to completely change your diet so you can have rock hard abs; please don't misunderstand me. Do a few meal or snack replacements every now and again. It won't kill you. However, the alternative just might. And in the name of leading a more balanced life, this is just cheating the system and doing a little something good that can possibly make a big impact.
Also, take a walk and breathe some fresh air every now and again. That helps, too.
7) Turn Your Brain Off Every Once in A While
Ask yourself this one question before we go any further:
WHY SO SERIOUS????
Some people work their @$$es off to feed their family. Other people work their @$$es off because they love money. And then there are those who love those things that a lot of money can afford. A part from the first one, you probably need to reevaluate your life.
Once you've created a family unit it's your responsibility to take care of those in your charge and if you have to hurt yourself a little to take care of them, then so be it. I don't care who judges me for making this judgment (such a little ironical fore-statement), but I don't believe in the notion risking your family's security for you to pursue your own dreams. I'm not saying someone should have to give up on their dreams altogether, but if they chase them after getting married and having children, it should be within reason. Call me old school, but I don't believe in neglecting and endangering your spouse or your children over something you WANT to do in life. There are those few souls who do pursue what most consider a "pipe dream" and they do come out on top, but they're taking a huge risk in doing so. But you also shouldn't try to kill yourself in the process of taking care of your family because if you're gone from a heart attack or a stroke or something else that could possibly be stress related, think about what would happen to them then. You do need to take time out to breathe and laugh and relax every now and again.
And then there are those who work to keep up with the "Joneses" or it's simply a habit of theirs to choose work over their family. I'm talking about the ones who have enough money, but are always striving for more in the sake of greed. What's the point of having excess when you can't enjoy it? Ask yourself that and then answer it yourself. There's really no need for me to make anymore comments on that one.
Everyone needs to sit down and enjoy themselves or relax themselves every now and then. And if you keep saying, "I don't have time!" then you should MAKE TIME! I don't care how corny this is, but if you have to set aside a specific time on a certain day of the week, then do it. I don't care if it's for 4 or 5 hours on Saturday night to have to yourself or 2 to 3 hours on Sunday morning--but you need it. We're not mechanical objects, we're people. We're extremely fragile beings that have to learn how to balance work and play or you're going to find yourself completely lost and worn out.
Here's a suggestion: Watch a good movie...or watch a bad movie that you love. One of my favorite movies that actually fall into the GOOD MOVIE category happens to be The Dark Knight. I don't even consider myself a real batman fan, but that film easily falls into my top 15 favorites of all time. It's my go-to film on normal days and days when I'm feeling down. It's one of those well written well directed films that can actually fall under the "smart" (or "thinking man") category, but it still allows me to turn my brain off. The main idea here is for you to understand that it really is important for you--as a person--to smile sometimes, no matter what's going on. I know how hard things can get, trust me, I do, and that's why you have to find something you love and try to fall back on it when you don't feel as if you have it in you to love anything or yourself. And if you don't want to take my advice...please...take his.
8) Stop Focusing on What You Don't Have
Everybody is guilty of this from time to time in their lives and there's no magic key of advice to help you get over it, but for your own sake, you should find a way to. I had to. Because when you're focusing on everything you don't have, chances are you should probably be focusing a lot more on the things that are actually happening in your life and all that you do have. Life is filled with moments that make up memories from events big and small and if you're looking at everybody else and thinking of how much you'd like someone else's life and what they own and being envious overall, you're going to have more "what if" moments to look back on rather than personal accomplishments. This is what no one tells you: You don't have to strive to be a millionaire; you don't have to strive to be famous; you don't have to strive to be the top ten in your class or the top ten in your field or the most interesting person alive. Strive to do your best because that's the hardest thing you can ever strive for on this earth.
I don't know how many times I've lied and said that I've done my best when I know I haven't. Too many times. About 90% of the time when I've said out loud that I did my best, I know I could've done better. And then there are the times when I've done my best and failed and then I want to give up. Sometimes I give up, sometimes I don't. The sad part is, you don't know if the other person made a huge effort or a small effort to get what they have or get to where they are. You don't know how many times they've failed. You don't know their inner struggles and doubts and fears. You don't need to focus on other people and feel bad about yourself because it's pointless. Whether it's looks or finances or just stuff, stop trying to see if it's greener on the other side and tend to your own affairs because that's the leading force into devaluing yourself and all that you have.
Our problem is that now we can no longer differentiate between our needs and our wants. We don't understand that the majority of what we strive for now are considered luxuries. The trap is that some "luxuries" are now almost ranking in the same vein as necessities. We can blame society all we want, but we are society. And it's YOU that's looking at others and not focusing on yourself. We stand in our own way and hinder our own progression as people, as a whole, and as individuals.
If we have a house, we want a bigger house, even if our smaller house is paid for. Our first thought isn't usually of making the house that we own a real home, with our own personal touches, love and attention, but to get something "better". Same for the cars we own. We're not going to go out and look for the car that's the most reliable and affordable, but we'll look for a car that competes for the "best" or "better looking" and the more "expensive" against other people's. We compare our clothes to other people's, our hair, our children, our relationships--and when it's all said and done you're not appreciating anything that you have, but you're constantly looking to own something that you deem "better".
Contentedness isn't our first nature in most of the western world now. Everyone else's version of bliss is constantly thrown in our faces and we feel as if we're always coming up short, and that's our own mistake. We're never good enough, even for ourselves. We never have enough by our own standards, even if we actually do have enough.
To suffer from constant and consistent discontentment, you HAVE to stop comparing yourself to everyone else and worrying so much of what other people think of you. Worry more about what you think of yourself. It's hard, but it's worth it in the end. You're not living your life for them, you're living it for you, and that's what matters the most.
9) Figure Out Why You're Not Happy
I know this sounds like a BS thing to tell someone to do, but some people really don't know why they aren't happy, they just know that they can't climb their way out of their pit of unhappiness. There are things that specific things some people are able to point out that bring on their unhappiness or depression like the death of someone close to them, or not getting along with their family members, or having their own lives change drastically because of an accident or an illness. But other things are a little harder to pinpoint and that's when trouble sets in. If you're told to see a counselor, what will you say besides you find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning or you find yourself having crying spells. Plenty of people go through bouts of depression, but a lot of those same people find it very hard to talk about. It's hard to be judged, or judge yourself for being weak sometimes, same as it's hard to ask for help when you're the strong one; most times it's most difficult to go through depression when you're considered the "strong" one because everybody else is so used to you propping them up and holding it together that you're seen as this sturdy pillar of strength that can weather any storm when you really need a hug and a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear.
Whether you're weak or strong in matters of the heart/emotion, you're human. You're going to be happy sometimes over various things and sad sometimes over various things, but it's much easier to hold onto sadness than it is to hold onto happiness. We can remember some of the shittiest things that happen to us in an instant, but it could take minutes--or even hours--to think of five happy moments that you've had in your lifetime...at least that's probably the average person. You're not the only one, you're not different; for whatever reason, we were built this way. You're also not alone in your struggle, so don't feel that way.
Figuring why you're not happy is the first step in overcoming your unhappiness. No one can tell you why except yourself because there's no one else in your head and your heart, no other person on earth no matter how much you love them, can tell you what you're feeling. Except you.
This is your job. And if you were ever seeking to be an entrepreneur, this is your chance, because no one else on earth can tell you how to approach this situation or how to fix it but you. All I can do is suggest that you get to the bottom of it for your own sake.
10) Try to Be Honest With Yourself for A Change (Along With Those Around You)
Most of us are taught to lie at an early age, depending on what kind of household you grew up in. Some parents, believe it or not, are actually honest with their children about as much in life as possible. Sure, sometimes they omit information because their children aren't quite old enough to understand it, but they do their best to cut down on their children's disillusionment in life and I commend them for it. I actually find it shameful that I'm commending people for not lying...it's really f#ck!ng sad in my opinion. Don't misunderstand me, I actually do believe that parents should try to protect their children from harm and keep them innocent for a time which would include not putting the problems they've created for themselves onto those they brought into this world, but I also don't think children need all of the wool pulled over their eyes shielding them from what's right and wrong. It's hard to find that balance--what to tell them and what not to tell them--but when people make it their duty to perpetuate lies and lead their children down paths of ignorance and deceit, I just can't get behind that. Parents do so many contradictory things and then when their kids grow up confused they want to blame society when most of it was their doing. Newsflash: If you tell your children that lying is bad and wrong, but then lie to them and then turn around and teach them, "Oh well, little white lies aren't that bad..." you've already started screwing with their heads in bigger ways than you can imagine. It's also why a boatload of people sit on the couches of therapists and never get better--they don't know the meaning of the truth to tell their psychiatrist or themselves.
A couple of years ago I wrote an online article about all of the lies parents teach their children dealing with holidays. It was pretty straight forward and absolutely factual, but there were some morons who got pissed at me and my "views" on the matter. The article is still up on Hubpages and so are the comments of two people who told me that they didn't see any harm in lying to their children and I shouldn't act like holidays are something bad; they also told me that I shouldn't get mad just because other people don't agree with the notion of telling children the truth and allowing them to have fun in life. I pretended to see their way as well--in other words, I pretty much lied, too--but in my head I was thinking, "These people who are angry over this are some of the stupidest b!tc#es that I wouldn't want to encounter."
Obviously I'm not going to say I've never told a lie in my life--I've told big ones and small ones and I've told them much too often over the years--and sometimes they even served their purposes, but I won't say I was right in doing it. The thing with people is that if you tell them they're doing something wrong, a lot of the times they'll combat what you tell them with, "It doesn't matter if you think it's right or not, but I want to do it." People want to do whatever they want to do, damn the consequences. And that's exactly where you f#ck up.
You start out jumping through hoops telling your kids that Santa Claus is real for one thing. My parents did that with my siblings and myself. The same thing with the tooth fairy. The same thing with why we celebrate holidays. You see your parents, or whoever raised you, lying to other adults about things that you know for a fact aren't true and then they whisper to you, "Don't say a word about that..." And that's the moment you learn what little white lies are and that they're "not so bad". You grow up believing that a woman lies about her age and her weight with no problem (and for no real reason, either). You grow up watching TV shows and movies where the guy always tells his wife or girlfriend he's working late or he's out with friends, but he's really cheating on her. You lie about having sex with someone or kissing someone. You lie to your boss, you lie on Facebook, you lie to your therapist. A lot of people start living a lie and then wonder why things seem off kilter for them in their lives. Lying is how people end up in denial and not seeing what's right in front of them. But really, you can't help it because you were taught to lie from birth.
Try telling the f#ck!ng truth for once! Or maybe...make it your business to tell the truth more often instead of one or two isolated events.
A lot of people end up on a therapist's couch because they can't manage to tell themselves the truth ABOUT themselves. They don't want to face facts because the lies are so much prettier.
Well, drink some prune juice and let that s#!t go.
Telling lie after lie after lie will do nothing but complicate your life. I can't tell you what to stop lying about or to tell someone to stop lying, but I can tell you that even though I understand where you're coming from, it's up to you to stop it and change that aspect of your life because it's in your power to do it.
We all make mistakes and we will continue to make mistakes as long as we're alive, but it should also be our goal to be better and do better to minimize the mistakes and teach other people to be and do ourselves. We may not want to be role models, but we are. And just because you don't have children or you're not in a relationship doesn't mean other people aren't watching you. But the bottom line is, you have to watch yourself first. And don't expect anybody else to change, but you should always try to change--to be a better person.