ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Ten signs of old age in men and women

Updated on May 17, 2011


1) The hair in your armpits stops growing (and thins out elsewhere, if you get my drift).

2) The husband lovingly pinches the fat on your stomach instead of your rear.

3) Builders keep working when you walk past. (You become so invisible you could probably walk through Customs carrying a cannabis plant - on second thoughts, don't try that one).

4) You would rather have a nice cup of tea and a scone than a 'quickie' with the old man.

5) Anything with 'garden' in the name starts to appeal - garden centre, garden birds.

6) Shoes become flat, wide and comfortable rather than sexy ... note: you cannot have it both ways.

7) You send all that funny, uncomfortable, black underwear to Help the Aged.

8) All policemen look like your grandson.

9) Young women insist on talking to you in a jollying fashion.

10) You cough to cover up the 'creaks' from more embarrassing places.



1) Hair sprouts from absolutely everywhere, except your head. (You find you can plait your nose hair, the hair on your ears makes people suspect you are a closet weir wolf and your eyebrows form an impenetrable hedge eyed longingly by sparrows).

2) Your change your subscription from Loaded magazine to one for Model building (and no, it's not that sort of model).

3) You would rather have a cup of tea and a cheese sandwich than a 'quickie' with the missus.

4) They are all 'quickies' these days. (They have to be before cramp sets in).

5) You need a baby sling carrier to support your overhang at the front.

6) You smooth down your 'comb over' and still think women fancy you.

7) You find you don't mind going to the garden centre with your old lady as much as you did. (She finds this is a sign of much-needed maturity in you).

8) You're getting so long in the tooth that they worryingly start to resemble tombstones. (This only refers to the ones you have left, of course).

9) You allow the cat to jump on the bed as this is a good excuse not to have to make love to the wife. (It's well known that cats are easily scandalised and discomfited by such behaviour).

10) Sometimes you think you have said things when you have only thought them.(This always leads to arguments with the wife and is not to be confused with the times you have actually said things when you should have kept them strictly in your mind).

Awww ...
Awww ... | Source

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)