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5 Steps to Reducing Drama and Conflict in Your Life

Updated on October 3, 2013

We have all watched famous actresses or singers go through unbearable times in their careers. Being subjected to public view always, night and day, one could only hope to survive such constant pressure.

Sadly, society as a whole has become almost numb to the notion of drama. It goes hand in hand with daily living. Rumors and gossip are no longer unacceptable. They have become a way of life that we are supposed to accept as freedom of speech and opinion.

We all can't live protected by a moat.

Source

1. Avoidance.

Many people will say that avoidance is the best answer to gossip, rumors, and strife.

But yet, no matter how much a person avoids it, it's still there.

How does one avoid drama?

The key to avoiding drama is not allowing it in your life. It will be there. It's knocking at the door like a deputy with a warrant. Carefully crafted, sometimes sneaking in when you are vulnerable and least expecting it. Especially if you have had a bad luck streak or fallen on hard times, you might notice you've gained a huge following just to keep you from standing back up.

Back in the day, people were taught to be kind to one another, to help one another, to love one another. These days, it's a pretentious society. All of those kind things your mother told you to say to others to get along have packed their own bags and left town. Instead, venomous words are often struck on those that are left in the wake of wrath. Being struck down by someone's outright lies and accusations is no fun at all indeed.

Avoiding drama is like pretending to be a dart board and not letting the darts hit you wear it hurts. You have to dodge words, rumors, accusations like the bubonic plague because if you aren't careful, you might catch it too.

I remember my grandfather's stories of raising a family in the 1950s. Times were so much different back then, if a person started something with another, a fist fight would settle the score out back of the old canteen.

While violence is never the proper choice for getting even, in today's world one must come to the realization that it may never be the way it once was. Handing conflict today is much different than it used to be.

How to avoid drama.
Consequence.
Result.
Disassociate yourself from others who speak behind your back.
You may lose contact with people you once considered friends.
You will be happier without people in your life who try to bring you down.
Don't participate in gossiping of others.
You may be excluded from certain groups.
With time, you'll find out that you are better off mentally for not talking bad about others.
Keep your phone off.
You will have less opportunity for idle chatter.
Damage control. You will have more free time and not be a prisoner to the telephone.
Stop hanging around with people who are only interested in lying.
You may be lied about and talked bad about.
You will have a free conscience for not associating yourself with lies.
Avoid public places where others are known to gather.
You may not be invited to many things any more.
You won't feel as embarrased or forced upon a group that doesn't share your own integrity.
Source

Have you ever bought something from a television infomercial?

See results

2. Don't believe anything that you hear and only half of what you see.

Don't believe anything that you hear!

This used to apply to radio and television. With the network of online social media, and news media broadcasts, you are guaranteed to hear something new almost every second of every day now.

Beginning in the 1950s, the television became the main source of public opinion.

Take for example an infomercial about a product which you are not familiar. If the advertisement is done decently, you may buy the product. You are purchasing a product from a television marketing ploy in which you have no factual basis for investing in the product except for someone's opinion.

Likewise, don't believe half of what you see!

Just because the paid actor on the infomercial tells you to buy something, it doesn't mean the product is any good. It just means there is a product they want to sell you to make money.

Consider the recent pocket hose epic failure! I know of eBay sellers that were banned from ever selling again after selling hundreds of defective hoses. Customers were not happy.

This is a matter of buyer beware. Television has played a role in public opinion since the time of invention. Yet people continue to buy in to everything that is presented in front of them as truth, without even coming to conclusion for themselves first whether or not the information is reliable.

This common thought process is also true in real life relationships. It seems people are willing to believe untruths and rumors before ever hearing both sides of a matter to determine for themselves what happened. Therefore, most often, the rumor mongering continues because no one thought to put a stop to it the first time it occurred.

The Tomb of the Diver.

Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Germany, Author Heinz-Josef Lücking
Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Germany, Author Heinz-Josef Lücking | Source

Do people really jump off of bridges?

Fact or Fiction?

Do people really jump off a bridge because others tell them to?

See table below for most common bridges associated with jumpers.


3. Don't participate.

If you do not participate, you aren't liable for the consequences.

The illustration above of the Tomb of the Diver shows it all.

Just because someone else does something or tells you to do something, you don't have to. That's the beauty of free will. Obviously, I'm speaking here only to dares and double dares.

You don't have to be your own worst enemy. If someone won't like you or speak to you ever again simply because you didn't take them up on that offer to jump in the deep end of a drained pool, then who needs them any way?

Participating in activities which are detrimental to what you believe in and who you are only result in dire consequences.

Therefore, if there is a room full of friends that are all gossiping and creating strife for another person, excuse yourself and leave. You do not have to participate in it. Would you participate in something dangerous simply because if not you wouldn't have those people as friends any more?

Facebook is prime real estate for participation. It's fun until someone gets hurt and deletes their account. Also, freedom always comes with consequence. Sure, it may be funny to poke fun at someone openly online on Facebook for the world to see, but how will those same viewers ultimately view you?

Most common bridges people jump off of:

Bridge
Location
The Golden Gate Bridge
San Francisco, California
George Washington Memorial Bridge
Seattle, Washington
San Diego-Coronado Bridge
Coronado and San Diego, California
Sunshine Skyway Bridge
St. Petersburg, Florida
Cold Spring Canyon Bridge
Santa Barbara, California
Colorado Street Bridge
Pasadena, California
Eads Bridge
St. Louis, Missouri
Nusle Bridge
Prague, Czech Republic
Van Stadens Bridge
Eastern Cape, South Africa
Hornsey Lane Bridge
London, United Kingdom
Sydney Harbour Bridge
Melbourne, Australia
Mooney Mooney Bridge
Melbourne, Australia
West Gate Bridge
Melbourne, Australia
Jacques Cartier Bridge
Montreal, Quebec
Prince Edward Viaduct
Toronto, Ontario

4. Be Kind.

We all have bad days. That's a given. True friends will accept you for your bad as well as good times and will make no stipulation for error.

The one piece of advice warranted through any emotionally turbulent crisis in a relationship with a friend or group of peers is to be the kind person you are no matter what. No one can take that away from you ever.

No matter what they say. No matter what they do. You will always be you!

5. True friends are hard to find.

What makes a true friend?

Friendship is mutual affection, trust, commitment, and loyalty between two people. While most of us fall short of being perfect, many of us want to try to be the best as a friend to someone we adore.

Not all of us will get along.

It's not always possible to avoid drama, gossip, rumors, conflict or strife.

The first key ingredient in making a friendship last is to honor and respect your friend. Likewise, if you aren't getting a reciprocal dialogue, it's time to move on. There are many people in this world. Focus on people who actually care about you, not what you can do for them or how many laughs they got off on at your expense!

Don't be quick to dismiss or judge a friend based on opinions of others. Finding a rare gem in a pile of unsearched oysters takes time. If it was that easy, pearls wouldn't be so valuable.

A Trusted Man, a thrilling movie about a young career woman accepting opportunity for job advancement and relocating, soon finds someone stalking her. The main character named Sonia breaks off a committed relationship to move forward in her career. Soon after moving, she meets the owner of an art gallery and starts a new relationship. The man is sweet, charming, and seemingly perfect until unexplained events start happening which make Sonia believe that this man isn't the one of her dreams, but rather someone not to be trusted. Without giving away the ending in case my readers haven't viewed this movie, Sonia is depicted as a very intelligent young woman with a passion for her career but unequally as smart when it comes to men. However, the incident which relates to the issue herein about gossip and conflict, is that Sonia allows herself to believe untruths without seeking knowledge for herself first. Factual evidence that could have led Sonia down the path of righteousness, led her down the path of ultimate undesired fate because of the lies that she believed.

The old saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink", has never been more truthful in a time of second-by-second explosive gossip, strife, drama, and conflict.

One Winds on the Distaff of what the other spins. Both gossip.

Source

Healing after becoming victimized by drama.

If you have found yourself in a dramatic situation, feel free to remove yourself. Your number one focus is you! You need to think about yourself first without regard to those who are gossiping and rumor mongering about you. Here's why:

  • Those that start rumors and drama are in it for themselves. So why shouldn't you return the favor and do the same back by thinking more of yourself?
  • Disassociate yourself with people who you feel are truly not worthy of your valuable time. It's better to live life happy and ignorant, than to feel depressed and unworthy at the words of someone else.
  • Do not engage in conversations that truly do not bring positive encouragement and emotional uplifting. Esteeming others is key to capturing the essence of friends that will love you back for who you are.
  • Birds of a feather flock together. Don't become like them simply because you want to fit in. If you don't fit in for who you are, they aren't worth it.

If rumors or conflict become severe, the law will be there to protect you. There are many ways in which some people just do not know when to stop. If you become abused or victimized through someone else's ruthless tactics and outright ploy against you, feel free to call your local police, an abuse advocate, or a lawyer. There are ways to stand up for yourself and your rights without being trampled on by someone with a vindictive nature.

Many times, women especially, grow up believing that we should always be kind and forgiving. We are also taught at young ages, to turn the other cheek.

Well, I have found in my life, I'm not going to wait around for someone to slap me. They can shout from the roof tops all they want, but in the end they will find nothing but loneliness. When someone is unkind to you, expect that eventually there will be no one left for them to be unkind to.

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    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Sha! Thank you so much.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      Congrats on this being an editors choice, Crafty! You go girl!

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Flourish! Thank you for stopping by and commenting in my absence. My son was having some difficulties in school, so all of my attention was diverted to home life. I wasn't able to get on to HP at all. I'm hoping to be around more now. It's nice to see you!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      Returning to this great hub. I think it's been one of your best! Very useful, includes great images, engagement, and a topic so many people can connect with. I hope you are well. Don't see you as much on HP anymore.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Idigwebsites. Nice to see you. Thank you so much for your comments and input. Another thing I have found is that our voices can be totally misunderstood online because we can't truly be heard. So sometimes people take things the wrong way which causes problems too.

    • idigwebsites profile image

      idigwebsites 3 years ago from United States

      I'm guilty of that sometimes. I used to post messages and my status on Facebook insinuating about someone who was really cross with me (and with whom I was also getting cross with). Then it escalated into an online drama. It's just out of frustration why I sometimes do these things but I regret that and I'll try to distance from doing it again.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
      Author

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Millionaire Tips! Yes, I know what you mean. I can be very agreeable and go with the flow online or even in some offline situations. But I've discovered there are some people who just can't have a regular conversation without causing conflict. I've had to distance myself from a few people just to be able to focus on my own family without the intrusive headaches. Thank you so much for commenting!

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 3 years ago from USA

      Whenever there is more than one person, there is likely to be some difference of opinion, and misunderstanding. I try to understand where the other person is coming from, and trying to make sure I clearly explain my point of view, but yes, sometimes distancing yourself does seem like the best option.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Thank you Denise for your kind comments.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Excellent advice, get away from those who would do you harm.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
      Author

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Thank you so much for commenting purl3agony! Yes, it is very tempting.

    • purl3agony profile image

      Donna Herron 3 years ago from USA

      This is a great hub with two important characteristics - it's entertaining and informative!! I think your #4 point is the most important. If we all practiced kindness then your other points would be unnecessary :)

      However, we all have weaknesses, and drama and gossip can be so tempting. Your hub is full of great reminders of best practices and what we should all strive to do. Thanks for sharing! Voted up!!

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Flourish! Thank you so much for your comments. I don't know why but I am often misunderstood. I think it's because people can't read tone in conversation. I wrote an email to someone in my family and they fought back with rage and anger. I couldn't believe it! They said they couldn't read my tone and in their mind frame at the time, they thought I wasn't being nice to them. Now I try to be extra careful with how I say things because sometimes I am misinterpreted.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      Good advice, Crafty. I do not choose to participate in drama and usually don't give much of a rip what people think anymore. I have also learned to speak very plainly where conflict is concerned so as not to be misunderstood.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Thank you so much for commenting Eiddwen!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      Interesting and very useful.

      Here's to so many more for me to enjoy.

      Eddy.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Joe! Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful comments.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Moonlake! I don't do FB at all now. That place brings out the worst in people I believe. It's like a free for all. Sad because that could really be a nice professional platform for businesses. I've had my own share of family drama too. I just don't understand the mentality of people who feel they need to bring someone else down in order to feel better about themselves. Thank you for your comments!

    • hawaiianodysseus profile image

      Hawaiian Odysseus 3 years ago from Southeast Washington state

      Brandi, you've taken an old theme and put your own unique spin on it. This is the mark of a hard-working and talented writer. Your organizational and presentation skills reflect the hard work and practice, practice, practice you've committed to this writing profession. Congratulations, my friend, and much aloha!

      ~Joe

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 3 years ago from America

      We have had many dramas through the years in our family. My sister-in-law once told a family member I said something about him. I didn't say it but her brother did. She didn't want to put it on her brother so she blamed me. The person called me and jumped all over me about it. I couldn't defend myself because the family member that called wouldn't believe me. They're all gone now (passed away) so I don't have to worry about any of them any longer. It’s sad that they’re gone but I sure no longer have to deal with them.

      I also dislike Facebook and stay pretty clear of it. I won't go on trips with women anymore, that can be a real drama and I can be easily pulled into it. My poor husband and mother I tell them very little of what I hear or know.

      Dogs and cats do make better friends. Voted up on your interesting hub.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
      Author

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      LOL Wetnose. Dogs are amazing. Anytime I'm stressed out, it's the dogs who lick me. The cats sense it and strike at me! :D

    • wetnosedogs profile image

      wetnosedogs 3 years ago from Alabama

      Ah. No wonder I like my dogs than most people I know.

      Drama stay away.

      Great hub.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
      Author

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Me too Brave!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      Crafty, you don't know how many times I've left a neighborhood gathering because people just want to argue or misconstrue words. I have no patience for that kind of 'communication'. I'd rather be by myself.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Oh thank you so much DDE! :D

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Thank you Crystal! Oh boy, could I write a novel about my experiences with drama. One of the hardest things to do is come to the realization that there are some people that are just not good for us. We have to let them go in order to move on. It's not easy for sure.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Monis! That it does indeed! LOL Thank you for commenting.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Olog, you speak words of truth! Right on my friend.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      EP, I'm so sorry to hear that. I've had my share of that too. I find that if I focus on my own priorities instead of trying to be there for others (who I know would do diddly to help me) I'm better off. It amazes me how many times I've helped someone and when I truly need a little help, they run like the wind.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      5 Steps to Reducing Drama and Conflict in Your Life impressive and simple to follow steps with such perfect explaining this hub is useful, interesting and well-mentioned. Voted up and Facebook LIKED

    • Crystal Tatum profile image

      Crystal Tatum 3 years ago from Georgia

      Very sound advice, but tough to do, especially when you are surrounded by drama on a daily basis. Eliminating it or refusing to engage really is the best course. Voting up and useful.

    • Monis Mas profile image

      Aga 3 years ago

      What a fantastic article. I am truly impressed. I avoid drama as much as I can, but sometimes it just grabs you and takes you in!

    • ologsinquito profile image

      ologsinquito 3 years ago from USA

      This is an excellent post filled with good advice. Sometimes gossip also disguises itself at concern, such as "Please pray for this person because......," followed by a litany of personal details. Because I travel in church circles, this "pious" type of concern is especially insidious. We do need to avoid gossip and gossips.

    • epbooks profile image

      Elizabeth Parker 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Great tips here. I had a friend once who was the queen of all drama queens, yet, I felt that I had to be there for her over and over again through every crisis,going above and beyond the call of friendship to help her out of them. Only to have her stick a knife in my back in the end. It taught me a fantastic lesson though and now I abide by most of what is in your list here!

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
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      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Hi Ann! Thank you for commenting. Even my own daughter, who I've taught since birth not to entertain negativity, came home the other day and told me something about what she said. She essentially started a rumor about ME! LOL I couldn't believe it! I had to go through the explanation about it, and she is at that age where girls chit chat and gossip. Ugh!

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 3 years ago from SW England

      It's definitely not just you. I agree 100% too. I've had enough drama and unpleasantness in my life and now I make sure I do something to deflect or avoid at all costs. Billy has written a great hub on negativity. Peace, love and harmony are much better things to concentrate on! Ann

    • CraftytotheCore profile image
      Author

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Billy, those are refreshing words. Some days I think it's just me. But I know there must be other people who feel the same. Thank you for your comments my friend.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I had this conversation with my son yesterday. I have eliminated drama people and negative people from my life, and I won't allow them in my home. This is my safe haven; negative influences need not visit. I love the simple life I have created for myself and I leave the drama to others who seem to feed on it. :) Great points made here, Brandi.