99 Problems...

Knowing and recognizing my family has a history of abuse, be it substance or any and all other forms of abuse, is one thing, seeking therapy to help me overcome the abuse, is a whole other story. Substance abuse is just one way many ‘cope’ and or ‘deal’ with ‘issues,’ only when you are using, you cannot admit that you are using to mask the real ‘issues,’ as to why you are abusing. Not dealing and or addressing the abuse, is often the reason many abuse substances-they seek to numb themselves.

They say truth is stranger than fiction; sometimes fiction is easier and far less painful than truth, than facing the truth. Admitting you may have a substance abuse problem often means admitting why you abuse and or why you use, something many are not willing or are unable to do. It’s a vicious cycle, a cycle I hope to break, someday, which is why I chose therapy as a means to ‘cope’ and ‘deal’ with my issues. However, therapy is not a quick fix, nor is it an easy or pleasant process. It is painful at times, and it is difficult, largely because the memories, events, and circumstances that led or lead to the substance abuse appear or seem more painful than living with a substance abuse problem. This is a typical response or excuse from someone that is dealing with a substance abuse problem-which is why the cycle of abuse continues.

“Why pay for therapy if he/she is still using?” Seems like such a ridiculous question, to me, but it is and was posed to me, so it is one I feel I must address. To quote a wise man, “it’s like wiping before you poop.” Therapy cannot cure a substance abuse problem, but if we are willing to try something/anything, other than abusing drugs, alcohol, food, sex, etc. we have to first admit why we abuse and or use. Sometimes it is only when we seek therapy that we realize and or recognize not only that we have a substance abuse problem, but perhaps more importantly, why we have a substance abuse problem to begin with.

It’s the why and how we came to abuse and or use that complicates matters. It’s also an excuse or reason for why so many substance abusers continue to abuse and use-it’s what they’ve been trying to numb themselves from all along…the pain. Having to face, endure, deal, and cope, with the pain of past abuse and or painful memories, events, and or circumstances seems far easier when you do not have to feel it.

Sounds so ‘logical’ when you look at things through a ‘users’ eyes, not so easy though when you have a loved one struggling with a substance abuse problem, especially when you long to help them. Suggesting they get help for it, praying, hoping, longing, for the day they will accept it, well, that too, is a whole other story. For however much we may want it, long for it, hope for it, believe it or not, they do too. It’s just that when you have been doing something for so long, that has allowed or allows you to escape the reality of past abuse, you fail to see the current abuse and the pain it inflicts and or is inflicting. Whereas, your substance abuse may numb you from the pain, it does not numb those around you from it. Thus, the cycle of abuse continues…

I do not profess to know what the ‘answer’ is, nor am I foolish enough to think I am in any position to give advice to anyone seeking to rid him or herself of a substance abuse problem or any other ‘vice.’ I can only speak for myself, in regards to my own ‘issues,’ and I know that I am actively seeking ways in which I can learn to better cope and or deal with them, other than numbing myself. It is a work in progress, just as I am. After all, I didn’t get this screwed up overnight, so I cannot and do not expect I can be or will be fixed overnight. Like everything/anything worth having-it takes work. Admitting you have a problem is just part of the problem; it’s what you are doing to deal with the problem that becomes yet another problem. I got 99 problems…but faith aint one. I have faith in recovery but I believe there is no recovery without faith.