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Miscarriages and Stillborns are Both a Death of A Child

Updated on September 13, 2016

I Cannot Say "I Understand"

I cannot say "I understand" because I have never directly felt such pain. What I do know is you should never feel that your feelings are not as valid as one who loses a child later in life. I hope to encourage you in what I have seen and heard. If you know someone facing this pain or has lost a baby don't try to minimize it with words such as "you can have another one," This was still a child.


When someone has had a miscarriage, it is hard to know what to say. They are grieving over the loss of their baby but alone. I watched a friend as she kept losing babies and how much it hurt.She kept trying, and finally she told me at four months that she had made it past the danger time. I was so ecstatic for her, but as she filled her house with baby things, I must admit, I was afraid for her. I didn't want to see her hurt again.

Hope Dashed

Afraid that she built up too much hope too fast, and then the news came. Each time she told me what the sonogram showed, I encouraged her " you will be a good mom, even if there is something wrong." Well, I was wrong. The problems with her little boy were too numerous for him to endure. God had brought us back together as friends, so I prayed for this dear friend. No one understands why some things happen as they do. I never will. But when she felt the baby stop moving, and they told her she had to wait to go into labor, I was horrified for her. But he was still her baby, his name was Stephen, and he has a place in heaven waiting for her. He will never be harmed, always be safe, and some day she will see all of her little blossoms together.

What should I do if my baby has died?

As you are trying to cope with the heartbreaking news, you will also have to face an uncomfortable dilemma. If your baby has died before labor begins you will probably be given the choice of what type of birth you would prefer; this is not an easy decision to make. Giving birth naturally may give you a little more time to work through the shock and begin the grieving process. Generally, it is medically safe for the mother to continue carrying her baby until labor begins which is normally about 2 weeks after the baby has died.

Why Is Not Always Known

Why do miscarriages occur?

The reason for miscarriage is varied, and most often the cause cannot be identified. During the first trimester, the most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality – meaning that something is not correct with the baby’s chromosomes. Most chromosomal abnormalities are the cause of a damaged egg or sperm cell, or are due to a problem at the time that the zygote went through the division process.

My Moms Faith

When I was around four or five, I was burned badly on my legs. I was still not quite tall enough to reach the sink. The sink was full, and the babysitter had put the boiling water from the hotdogs underneath it. I didn't look for my stool and stepped right into it. My dad had to pull off my overhauls skin and all. I remember being in the hospital alone seeing my dad but not my mommy. I found out years later she was he hemorrhaging after yet another miscarriage. We were in the same hospital on different floors. My dad didn't want my mom to know about me because she was doing so badly, and he couldn't explain to me what happened. When I was older, my mom told me that she had seven miscarriages and two stillborn. Her faith was the only thing that helped her through.

A Blossom in Waiting

When God has given you a seed, that never came to live, a part of you goes with that one, and now you've less to give.

And even though that moment somehow has passed you by, that seed within has taken flight. To live with him on high.

The pain of never knowing, who this child was meant to be. Will someday, somehow, fade away, as you see them on His knee.

Without the pain of sin and shame, these ones are meant to be. Gods special gifts laid up above, fulfilled by when you meet.

In Memory of the ones in wait..

Till we meet you up in heaven.

by Melody Gibbons

Saying hello, goodbye, and making memories:

Here are a few ways you can make memories with your baby:

  • You can give your baby a bath and dress them in a special outfit. Before leaving the hospital you can take the a piece of this clothing to have as a keepsake.
  • You can take pictures of your baby.
  • The hospital staff can give you an imprint of handprints and/or footprints.
  • You may want to take a lock of your baby’s hairYou will be able to spend as much time as you need with your baby, but at some point you will need to say goodbye.
  • This will probably be one of the most challenging things to do because it is so final. Allow yourself to cry; expressing emotion is natural in the grieving process. Having the keepsakes will remind you that a part of your baby will always be with you.

Todd Smith, of the contemporary Christian group Selah and his wife of close to 7 years, Angie,

This is their story and the reason for the song "Audrey's song"



The march of dimes is an organization that helps both mothers and babies in crisis. A vey good resource for help.

© 2014 Melody Gibbons


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    • taiwokareem profile image

      Taiwo Kareem 3 years ago from Salford

      You are welcome Harmel

    • Harmel profile image

      Melody Gibbons 3 years ago from Staff Ave Cochranton Pa 16314

      I never realized how many women have had to deal with this alone. It isn't the same as having a funeral where people acknowledge your sorrow. Thank you very much for your comment.

    • taiwokareem profile image

      Taiwo Kareem 3 years ago from Salford

      Its not an easy thing to suffer from miscarriage or stillborn babies. Its painful after 9 or less months of expectation