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ABOUT ONE MIDDLE AGED MAN AND HIS TYPE OF INTEGRITY

Updated on October 26, 2016

Death is one of the greatest motivations for living

Time is a strange thing

Most of us only live

for the time that lies

right ahead of us.

A few days, weeks, years.


One of the most painful moments

in a person’s life

comes with the inside

that an age has been reached

when there is more to look back on

than ahead.


You start to evaluate

Some relationships

were not forever ones

And some are here to stay

but they just change form


Older you become

You know it isn’t just over yet

You are just changing

You are just ageing

And yes, knowing that

is comforting,

but not always easy

sometimes

transformation unfolds effortlessly

and sometimes

it feels like pain


But pain is not suffering 


with you anymore


You feel it

breathe into it 


so deep
 submerge your heart


in pressure 
to come out

gasping


loving


laughing still


Because you know 


this is the right thing to do

you
 know that sometimes

what is best


is to go through


what you don’t want to

to live the life 
you want to


It breaks 
my heart

to see too many people

living 
like they have all the time


in the world


You don’t!

I want to shout

passing them by

Just leave 
the job

you hate

Leave the relationship 


you know you don’t want to be in

Walk away from people 
who abuse you

Get your fingers 
out of your throat

Take that blade 
off your skin

Stop looking in the mirror 
with so much hate

Tell the one you haven’t told, 
how much you love them


Ignorance is not a bliss

for one ageing old soul

We feel what is unspoken


even if we don't know

how to name it


if we don't understand it


we start to doubt ourselves


and we feel lost


We need to find ways to make sense


of what doesn't make sense at all

Because we know in our hearts


we feel in our body


disharmony


The number of people

I meet 
who tell me

they stayed in a situation


or a relationship 


well after

they knew


the love was gone 
is endless

for years and years

they struggle…


Because they are so terrified


of everything falling apart


all the time

it keeps
 making it worse
 and worse and worse

nothing is working

they are exhausted and scared


confused 


everything

built on 
an illusion

so thick

they are just pretending to live


So they go under 


instead of through


older you become

you know you have no time

Because under takes more effort
as

you have to climb back up

And while through 
may feel scarier 


it's the fastest,

cleanest way 
to get 
where you want 
to go


It demands you be honest 


direct and sincere 


it may seem 
excruciating

So is living this one life


you get 
in a way 


that doesn't feel 
true 
for you


Time is a curious thing indeed

And when time no longer lies

ahead of one,

other things have pops into his mind


Memories perhaps

Afternoon in the sun

with someone’s hand

clutched in one’s own.

The fragrance of flowers in fresh bloom

Sundays in a cafe or wilderness perhaps

Grandchildren yes

But they have their own lives to live


One apparently finds a way of living

for the sake of someone else’s future

but is it just giving your life over

like some unwanted gift?

It is still time to dream your own dreams

and live your own life

does it really matter

how short that road of yours

has become?

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    • Beata Stasak profile image
      Author

      Beata Stasak 7 months ago from Western Australia

      No my beautiful I have been just living in Kamloops on my studying holiday:) I live in Western Australia but travelling to Canada every year because I love your Canada and especially BC very much so and have plenty friends now there:) And I see I have a new friend in you too:) I have been travelling to Canada again in June probably but this time to eastern coast:)...all the best and thank you so much for stopping by:)

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 7 months ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      B...so, you're still living in Kamloops? Awesome, nice to have so much talent in our interior BC...lol...not really funny, just a fact. So many creative writers, poets, novelists and artists of every variety...I love living in Kelowna...Kamloops is lovely too...a lot more rustic, but a culturally-enriching town when it celebrates and for the visitors, of which there are so many, every day. :) SuperNatural BC, EH?

      sincerely...rand. :)

    • Beata Stasak profile image
      Author

      Beata Stasak 7 months ago from Western Australia

      Thank you so much angellady:)

    • profile image

      angelladywriter.com 7 months ago

      Your words and intriguing and powerful. Keep up the excellent writing.

    • Beata Stasak profile image
      Author

      Beata Stasak 9 months ago from Western Australia

      And those who do are truly fortunate one because regret is good for nothing truly:) Greetings to Kelowna, I have lived in Kamloops for few months and visited your Kelowna:)....all the best...B

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 9 months ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Oh, the sour taste of regret...thank the stars, some of us just let go. :)

    • Beata Stasak profile image
      Author

      Beata Stasak 9 months ago from Western Australia

      Absolutely my brave warrior absolutely:)

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 9 months ago from Central Florida

      Life should never be wasted in what doesn't feel right. We never know when we'll take our last breath. Let's just hope we don't exhale a cloud of regret.

    • Beata Stasak profile image
      Author

      Beata Stasak 10 months ago from Western Australia

      Thank you beautiful guys and ladies in nice autumn age, I am there too:) I am happy for you randslam to edit whatever needs to be editing:) I am hopeless wanderer smile through life and different languages too. I wander where I like and write the way I like you can say I stubbornly live and write my way...and anything but correct:) Maybe it is too late to change:)

      But I am not here for money just little bit enjoyment and if you get my message my writing has reached its purpose hey:)

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 10 months ago from Victoria, Australia

      God gave us our lives to live, however long it may be. Although I'm fairly ancient, I like to think I'm in the autumn of life as where I live it's normally the most gentle of the seasons. A beautiful time to enjoy. Enjoyed reading your poem.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 10 months ago from Southern Illinois

      So many times we wait too long before making that needed change.

    • FitnezzJim profile image

      FitnezzJim 10 months ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

      Us older folks relate. Once again you've managed to say what others feel and never think (or dare?) to say.

      You have a gift for this.

    • randslam profile image

      Rand Zacharias 10 months ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

      Okay...that was a gift. A little editing...I could do it for free if you like and you have a world champion epic, my friend. This was very kewl to stroll through. Great opus on life...this is it, baby...nice job. You said what you wanted...now we just need to polish this jewel. Well done!

      Tears are rollin' down my cheeks as I type...this is how it is. Thank you for putting it on the page...not always easy...and sometimes, not even possible, well done, again. :)