ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Alcoholism and the Tenth Step in Alanon - My Experience Admitting When I Was Wrong

Updated on February 11, 2019
Deborah-Diane profile image

Deborah has several alcoholic relatives. She became active in Al-Anon, for families of alcoholics, over 37 years ago, often helping others.

The Alanon 10th Step Says: When You Are Wrong, Promptly Admit It. We All Feel Much Better When We Take This Action!

We all make mistakes.  When we apologize, we feel so much better.  We put the past behind us and are able to move forward with our lives.
We all make mistakes. When we apologize, we feel so much better. We put the past behind us and are able to move forward with our lives. | Source

What is the Alanon 10th Step?

By the time you have reached the Alanon Tenth Step, you have worked hard to clean up problems from your past, and improve your current relationships with the people you love. This includes the alcoholics and drug addicts in your life, as well as the people you may have lied to in order to cover up for them. You may have had other people you harmed, as well, such as children you mistreated because you were so stressed out over the actions of the alcoholic.

Does this mean that you are going to live a perfect life from now on? Of course not!

As a result, the Alanon Tenth Step says that we “continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

This step reminds us that we are never really finished working the Alanon steps. We must constantly take note of anything we may have done that is harmful to others, and remedy the situation as quickly as possible.

In my experience, it is amazing how much better I have felt when I "kept my side of the street clean!" We cannot control how other people will react when we apologize or make amends for something we have done in the past. They may not forgive us. However, we nearly always feel better for taking this action. I certainly have.

There is one rule about making our amends, however. We should not do it if it means hurting someone else. Making ourselves feel better at the expense of someone else is not what this step is about.

Continue to Take Personal Inventory

Admit it. Every once in a while you are going to have a slip. You are going to nag the alcoholic. You are going to count their drinks. You are going to make a comment that you immediately regret. You are going to argue with them. You are also going to get frustrated with the alcoholic and life in general, and lash out at other people. In fact, you are just going to have some bad days. We all need to constantly take a daily inventory, and think about how we could have handled these situations better.

As an Alamon member, I have often realized I had mistreated someone while doing my daily meditation. Like most other Alanon members, when I realize I have said something I regret, I try to apologize as quickly as possible to get it off my chest.

The longer you are in a 12 Step program, the easier it becomes to recognize when we are wrong and admit it. As mentioned before, we are not responsible for how other people react to our admission. We are only responsible for being willing to admit we were wrong. It is a simple step that keeps us humble and at peace.

Promptly Admit our Wrongdoings

Whenever we realize that we have been wrong, Alanon members use the Tenth Step to deal with these issues as soon as they come up. You know when you need to promptly admit that you were wrong.

Ouch! You thought you were finished with all these inventories and apologies. You did them once. Why do you need to keep examining your life? Unfortunately, we don’t stop dealing with problems after a few months of membership in Alanon. We will continue to have problems and issues for the rest of our lives. What will change is how we will deal with them.

Many Alanon members refer to the Ninth and Tenth Steps as “keeping our side of the street clean.” Even if someone else was equally to blame for the problem that arose, we can still apologize for the part we played in it. If they upset us, and we said something rude, we can apologize for our rudeness. We may feel that we were completely justified in our anger or resentment. However, the only person who is injured by these negative emotions is us. By apologizing, we can release these negative feelings and move on.

Once you learn how much better you feel, you will be glad that you “continued to take personal inventory and when you were wrong promptly admitted it!”

The BluePrint for Progress Helps with our Alanon Inventory

Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon's Fourth Step Inventory
Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon's Fourth Step Inventory
The Blueprint for Progress is a workbook which Alanon members use when they complete their Alanon Fourth Step inventory. Once I finished mine, I have often looked back at it to see if I have improved in some areas since I first completed it. It can be a handy reference in sticking with my Tenth Step and continuing to take personal inventory. Sometimes I even add additional notes to it.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2012 Deborah-Diane


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)