Alcoholism and the Third Step in Alanon

The 3rd Step of Alanon suggests that we stop worrying so much about others, including the alcoholics and addicts in our life, and ask a Higher Power (however you interpret those words) to take over our lives, and theirs, instead!

The exact words of the Third Step are: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him.

Alanon is an organization designed to help the friends and families of people who are suffering from alcoholism and/or drug abuse. In the Alanon 3rd step, members are asked to make a decision to turn their will and their lives over to the care of a God of their own understanding. Many of us have been struggling just to survive when we first come into Alanon. We have been trying as hard as we can to “save” the alcoholic. We have been trying to get someone else to live according to our “will.” We are certain that we know what is best for them.

The idea of simply "letting go and letting God", or "turning our will and lives over to God" seems overwhelming. This is frightening. How can other people survive without our help?

Terrified as we are of letting go, we realize that nothing we have done has worked. Your loved one is in God’s hands ... no matter what your religion. If you do not belong to a religion, your version of a Higher Power could be Fate, the Universe or some other vision. Accepting that we are not in control of another person and turning them over to a Higher Power gives us a powerful sense of relief!

What has this step meant to the scores of Alanon members I have heard share their stories during the past 36 years?

The 3rd Step of Alanon suggests that we stop worrying so much about others, including the alcoholic or addict, and ask God to take over our lives, and their lives, instead!

Alanon is an organization designed to help the friends and families of people who are suffering from alcoholism and/or drug abuse. In the Alanon 3rd step, members are asked to make a decision to turn their will and their lives over to the care of a God of their own understanding. Many of us had been struggling to survive when we first come into Alanon. We had been trying as hard as we could to “save” the alcoholic or addict. We were trying to get someone else to live according to our “will.” We were certain we knew what was best for them.

The idea of simply "letting go and letting God", or "turning our will and lives over to God" seems overwhelming. This is frightening. How can other people survive without our help?

Terrified as we are of letting go, we realize that nothing we have done has worked. Your loved one is in God’s hand. Accepting this gives us a powerful sense of relief!

Remember, this is the concept of God which makes you comfortable, not someone else's version of God. You do not need to change religions, or believe something which makes you uncomfortable. Turning your will and your life over to the care of a God of your understanding, as suggested in the 3rd Step of Alanon, does not mean you stop trying to live your own life. You will continue to work, pay your bills, raise your children and lead your life. The difference is that, as long as you are doing your part, you will trust that the God of your understanding is doing His part. The consequences are up to Him. You will learn to accept that even when things seem to be going terribly wrong, the ultimate result may be good.

When you take the 3rd Step of Alanon, and trust the God of your understanding with the people you love, you no longer have to worry so much about them. Of course, you will still be concerned about some of the decisions they make. You may wonder how things will work out for them.

However, you will trust they are ultimately in God's hands. It will give you an entirely new perspective on what happens. Perhaps they get arrested for drunk driving or drug possession. If they are in God's hands, you can rest in the assurance that at least they will not be drinking and driving, or using drugs, while they are in jail. They also will not be driving you crazy. There's even the possibility that this will be the wake-up call they need in order to become sober. Whatever the result, you can trust that their lives are ultimately in God's hands. This is what it means to work the 3rd Step of Alanon.