ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

At What Age do We Finally Figure it Out?

Updated on January 17, 2016

Give it the Old College Try

Growing up I never put much pressure on myself to figure out what I was going to do with myself as an adult. I figured something would fall into my lap and I would be successful with whatever path I kinda fell into. I saw people around me thriving in school and I just shrugged it off, thinking mostly it was a waste of time.

It wasn’t until I was a junior in high school and had to start applying for college that I started to worry about where my life was going to take me. I applied to several schools, mainly because I was told that was the path I was supposed to take. I was accepted into a school in New York City. The friends that I had at the time all applied to local schools and choose to stay in the north east region of Pennsylvania. I was scared and broke. I was not to get a dime from my family. I had to pay for everything myself.

At four thirty in the morning I hopped on a Martz bus with two suitcases headed for New York. I had no idea what I was doing. Throughout high school I had visited New York many times and knew my way around pretty well. I was excited and scared. I showed up at the school around eight o’clock and they took me over to the apartment I was to share with another student.

In the beginning I loved it. My classmates were so serious about learning and doing well, but I felt I was just going through the motions. I tried my best to get into the program but it wasn’t there for me. I stopped going to class and ended up just running around the city. I met some interesting people. I loved the city so much and didn't want to leave, but if I wasn't in school I had no real reason to be there. I didn't know myself nor did I have the courage to venture out and really try to make it. I stayed until I ran out of money and headed back home.

All Hope is Lost

Once I came back home I felt more lost then ever. I was aimless and fell into a pattern of drinking and staying out late. I was going nowhere. I started to feel my chances of something happening were gone. I felt that New York was my only chance at making something out of myself. I was in a rut and I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of it.

I slowly dug myself out of the bad habits I was doing, I moved out of my parents house and I started to get semi serious about what I should do for money. I thought maybe I could work for a bank or an insurance company. I applied at both, was hired for both, and chose to work in insurance. That ended up being the worst thing I could have done. It killed me inside. I felt dead and lifeless. All I seemed to do was work. I started to feel like I made a bad choice. One day I woke up for work and just didn't go. Then the next day I didn't go and next. Until I just stopped going altogether. It was time to get serious about what I was going to do.

In a Darkened Bar Came a Beacon

I should have used those months of being unemployed to figure out a plan, to put something in motion but i just drank a lot and slept a lot. I was waiting for a golden ticket. I was waiting for something to fall out of the sky and present itself to me.

One night I was in a bar and this girl told me to come work at a hospital with her. I had nothing going on and it was close to where I was living. I decided why not. I applied the next day and started a few weeks later. It wasn't at all what I wanted to be doing but I needed to do something. I was running out of money once again. I had dried up most of the resources I had.

It turned out to be one of the best things I could have done. I didn't make much money but the way I felt when I was there, helping people, my fellow employees, I fit right into it. It wasn't something I planned to do for a long time but for the moment it was perfect. I made some life long friends and felt good about what I was doing.

Following the Wind

Once again I found myselfI going through the motions, waking up everyday, taking a shower, putting pants on. I didn't give it much thought about where I was headed. I felt the position I was in had very little room to grow. I felt I was stuck and thats as far as I would go with the thought. I just kept moving forward in the same direction. Except after awhile it started to feel like I was just going in circles. One day I woke up and I was 30, 31, then 32. What was I doing with my life? I looked around at the life I had haphazardly built for myself and it wasn't enough. There was something substantially missing but I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't know what it was I was looking for. I became bored with life. I needed a big change.

It's a Big World Outside

For the better part of my life I felt like the north east wasn't the place for me. I felt I belonged to the south. I always had a thing for Texas and Georgia. I loved the idea of the wide open space of Texas. As I got older I started to really wonder what it would be like to live there. I started doing some research on areas of Texas. It just happened that Austin was the number one city in the country for growth and development, but I wasn't sold on it. There was something about Dallas. Maybe it was watching the show when I was younger. Maybe it was idea of so much different types of culture fusing together.

I decided to fly down for a couple weeks and check it out. It was very much what I had expected it would be, except for all the driving. It hadn't occurred to me that to get places within all this open space you would need to drive. Driving on highway after highway. Dallas, being part of a much larger metroplex, traffic was much more intense then anything I had experienced in the north east, including New York City.

It was something I was willing to deal with to leave the quiet nest I had built for myself in Pennsylvania. I gave myself two years to get everything in order before I packed up my car and headed south. I had no idea what I was going to do down there, and though it scared the hell out of me, I realized I had to do something really big. If I was going to make a change, a real change in my life for the better I had to leave the comforts I had built around me. I could no longer be complacent with myself. Once I left the north east I knew I would have no one to fall back on, no one to blame for the way things were. I was going to start completely over.

It's Not Over Yet

I have been in Texas for almost two years now, I decided on Fort Worth instead of Dallas for many reasons, mainly the pace of life is a lot slower, the people are a lot more friendlier and the traffic isn't as heavy. Since I've been here I've had two jobs, the first being a great place with great people. I would have stayed there if I made a decent living.

What I've realized through all this, thinking New York was the only place I wanted to be, to moving half way across the country to Texas is life is really short. It's not over till you say it's over. There is always hope and change is literally just around the corner. So many times in my life I felt I hit a wall. I felt I was stuck in a dark place only to turn around and see a light but I kept moving forward. I never gave up hope that tomorrow might be the day I stumble into something I've been missing.

I haven't found my path yet. I'm still moving forward. Where I am at right now isn't my ending. I keep waking up and moving forward. My path might be to learn and grow and experience as much as I can in this world. Finding a perfect job doesn't equal a perfect life to me. But moving forward, allowing myself to change and to go with that change, that has brought me happiness through the years. When I finally stopped living the dream of someone else and comparing myself to others around me, when I finally started living life for myself, thats when it opened up. Thats when I saw the beauty in this world. I don't know where I'll be in two years or five years and I'm okay with that. I don't have to know. I can live for today, knowing tomorrow might be a whole new world for myself.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)