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My Story: How an Eating Disorder and Being an Insomniac Impacted my Life

Updated on May 12, 2016

My Story: How an Eating Disorder and Being an Insomniac Impacted my Life

I am a makeup Youtuber and I have about 940 subscribers on my channel. I wanted to share with you all about the time that I suffered from an insomnia and anorexia. I would not be able to sleep at night even if I danced during the day. I remembered when I was in high school and I would just lay in bed until 4 am and wake up at 6:30 am for school. I would stress and over analyze everything. I would have lots of thoughts running through my head on what I could have said differently to people, how my day could have been better and what I could have said to my social worker. In college, I did not sleep that much either, even though I was dancing almost every day. When I watched scary movies, I would become so afraid that the events I watched in those movies would happen to me. For example, in high school we were watching a movie based on true events about Charles Manson. After that, I could not sleep for about a year, because I was thinking that the Manson family was going to come out from California and get me. My parents kept on telling me that they would not come here to get me and that they were all in jail for their crimes. I was relieved, but I had nightmares about the movie.

Here is a story of a time when I used to be anorexic. I was a dancer all of my life. When I was in high school, I looked like a skeleton, I looked like a 10- year- old girl. In middle school, high school and parts of college I was anorexic. My friends and family kept on telling me to eat something, but I did not listen to them. I ate very little or nothing at all. I did not think that I was anorexic. However, I was bullied because people thought I was anorexic. There were two girls in middle school and high school who would bully me, telling me that I was ugly, that I was too skinny and that I should eat a hamburger. This would make me feel depressed, I would go home and sit in a corner crying. I would not tell anyone my feelings. I kept them to myself.

I was anorexic, because I had self-esteem issues. Dancers are expected to be thin and that was what I wanted to be. I remembered in high school, my friends kept on telling me to eat something but I did not eat anything. I was too upset and depressed to eat anything because I was being bullied and my best friend dealing with major depression did not help. That made my disease worse, because I would always try my hardest to help her. My parents kept telling me to eat something but I would not. At restaurants I hated the fact that people would stare at me when I ate because of my anxiety, anorexia and self-esteem issues. When I visited my cousins and my aunt they would tell me to eat. Everyone around me was concerned, but I did not care. When I looked in the mirror, I would tell myself I looked so ugly. That is why I wear makeup now. I would always get so stressed out looking at models in the magazines and I kept on telling myself, if they can look skinny so can I. Ever since high school,I had always wanted to be on Danceline. So, when I tried out in Danceline in college and I got in I was so happy. We would practice several hours a day three days a week and during that time, I was not able to eat. I don't mean to talk bad about Danceline or anything, but my teammates did not know that I was struggling with this disease. I kept it to myself. The only people who knew that I had this disease was me and my family. I was a Junior or Senior in college when I started seeing a psychiatrist. He told me about a pill that would make me gain weight and would make me sleep better at night. I have been on it ever since then.

Seeing a psychiatrist and seeking help saved my life. I am not anorexic anymore and I am now sleeping really well because I got help. If I did not see a psychiatrist then I would still be anorexic and be an insomniac. I am telling anyone who is suffering from anorexia or who is an insomnia to go see a psychiatrist. I still see a psychiatrist. There are a lot of great psychaitrists' out there who will help you. My new psychiatrist is a great one who listens to me. It is their job to help you overcome these diseases. Also, remember that you are not alone. There are a lot of people who have anorexia and who have insomnia. I was once one of those people. If I can overcome this battle then so can you. You might be afraid to seek help, but it will be good for you in the long-run. No one is alone in having these diseases. Please remember you do not need to hide this, you do not have to suffer this alone. I wanted to share with you all my story, how these diseases impacted my life and how I overcame them.

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