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Being Bipolar Everyday Of My Life

Updated on January 27, 2012

Bipolar Disorder

Living With Bipolar Disorder

For me, being Bipolar is a way of life. Sometimes it is a struggle to get motivated to start out my day. I sometimes don't want to get out of bed. i have responsibilities that need to be taken care of. I mean, if I don't do them, then they won't get done. I have to run the vacuum, cook myself breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have to wash dishes, scrub floors, shine windows. I also have to floss and brush my teeth, take baths and do other other necessities. I also have to exercise. I also have to log into the blackboard because I am working towards getting my degree with online schooling. I sometimes get to watch my great nieces and they can be a handful. I believe that kids are cool. I just don't have any of my own and probably won't ever because my biological clock is ticking, plus I need to take my medication in order to stay stable. I'm also working with another affiliated marketing program that helps make ends meet.

As far as my mood, sometimes I will get sad for no reason at all and I can't explain why. I would get so stuck in this deep dark hole and it would be hard for me to pull myself out. I can honestly say that if it was not for the Grace of God....I would have been dead a long time ago. I have had like 8-10 suicide attempts. I did everything from trying to hang myself, overdosing on pills, slicing my wrists (the wrong way:-) I was 12 when I did my first suicide attempt. I was mad at my mom and I wanted to get back at her. I took a whole bottle of acetaminophen. There was like 50-100 pills in that bottle, I went to sleep and for the life of me did not know why I wasn't dead when I woke up. I used to be a skinny kid, but even then God must have had a purpose for me. That purpose would be to continue to write poetry and short stories so that others can be touched in some way, shape, or form. I also was put here to share the Gospel of Jesus' Christ teaching.

Lastly, I am going to talk about the manic side of having a bipolar disorder. I use run a network marketing home-based business. At that time the pressure to succeed became more and more demanding. I was trying to be successful, as well as trying to quit smoking (May 10, 2012 will be my second year without smoking) I stayed up for about two straight weeks. At this point I was suffering from what is described as Hyper-Mania. I had just previously lost my 100 year old great grandma mama and because I did not grieve right from her death, was another one of the key factors that played a part in the scenario. After I was coming down from my high, some would say. I started getting really paranoid. I started to hallucinate. I would see and hear paranormal activity. I saw black spooks. I had always wonder if there was link between Mental Illness and Paranormal Activity (something I previously had written about). Nonetheless, I was in and out of psychiatric facilities. I was not getting better. They had adjust my medicine, but that still did not help. I tried to fight the whole metro bus because they were turning against me or so I thought. After all else had felled, they sent me to a long term facility that turned my world upside down, but hey that is a totally different story, that I may share with you all in the near future.


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      PMatthews32 6 years ago

      Thank you so much for your words of inspiration. I don't know what it is but, it seems as though that the people who suffer from a mental illness are the most intelligent, intellectual, smart, as well as creative individuals. Look at Mozart (World Renowned Composer), Lindsay Wagner (The Terminator Fame), and Kristy McNicols (Empty Nest Star), just to name a few. My advice to you is continue to love and support your children, create beautiful photographs, write #1 best sellers, but above all else continue being you and doing you because whether you know it or not you are unique in your own way. You are also very special to GOD. GOD don't make junk. Remember that and you will continue to excel in all that you do.

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      OMGirdle 6 years ago from United States

      I suffer from depression and have been since I was born. When I used to try and talk to a friend about it, they didn't understand I had no control over it. When discussing mental illness, the majority of people tend to be afraid to say anything. I am writing an article on my depression as well. Besides my medication, there are a few things which help me continue living; my 3 children, painting, writing and photography. I also thought I was born for a reason. We all have our journeys and purposes in life. You sound like helping others is your gift. Rejoice in gift and use it to help you during the times you are down.