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Being a Flake

Updated on September 20, 2015

Define Flake

A 'Flake' is a person who really
can't be relied on.

A Flake might be a really fun
character, someone you want
around, but who can not be
entrusted with even the slightest

This is because a Flake is...

That the Flake shows up at
some point, (either very late or early) is good enough. No one expects more from a flake.
Just show up, spend time and go away.

No one asks a Flake to organise anything.

No one asks a Flake to Chair anything.

No one would ever ask a Flake to perform the vital unpaid tasks upon which
society depends.

Hence, when there's work to be done, one skips the Flake and goes to the
Dog's Body, the Megalomanic, the Martyr, the Important Somebody, the Drudge,
the Willing, in fact, everyone is asked before the Flake, and if there's no one
else to ask, the Asker will do it himself.

Beginning to Look Attractive?

Most people are asked to perform
all sorts of unpaid, lots of work, jobs.

Whether this request is made at
their business place, at a club, by
a religious organisation, political
group, P.T.A., name it, there's
something that needs to be done
and you're the one expected to
do it.

Once you get the that so-called laudable reputation for being able
to deliver, you will have a lot of deliveries to make.

There's always something to be done and since you did so well here, and there,
and at the other place, and last time, etc. they'll ask you again.

Eventually your 'life' is made up of performing tasks for all sorts of interests which
carry no recompense, take a lot of time, and if they go wrong, you get the blame.

You're the one the boss 'trusts' so you get to do.....

Your Spirtual Leader relies on you to do....

Your Member of Parliament requests that you....

The Chairman asks you to...

And soon enough your social 'calendar' is full of all sorts of meetings you must
attend, on top of doing all forms of work for which, if you're lucky, you'll get a
gratuity, and if you're not, you have to borrow money from the bank to survive.

Of course, if you're a Flake, delete this paragraph.

How To Be a Flake

Unless you were born with a few loose connections, you've probably
considered being a Flake on par with having a propeller beanie on your head.

Although some Flakes are born, many are made. They are made in the furnace
of overwork. They realise that if they could just get their status reset to flake,
they'd go home on time and have a real life.

Now it is not hard to become a flake, but it does take a little planning.

Firstly, one can't go from reliable, responsible drone to flake.
This would provoke thoughts that one is out of his mind and result in
medication and/or psychiatric care. One needs to slowly become Flake-like.

Secondly, one can't start as a Flake for then one wouldn't even be allowed on
the track. One must begin as responsible and sensible and then start to go off
the rails. Not far, but far enough to become MASE...(Must Ask Someone Else).

Thirdly, screw up every 'chance' you have to escape from your Flakehood.
Make sure that even when you are the 'last resort' the Asker searches for someone else.

Step By Step

Forget things.
Little things.
Then a big thing.
Just one big thing, not enough
to lose your job, like a payroll
or property, just like forgetting
to bring the bread to a company

Be absent, with a doctor's
certificate or good reason
when everyone is
depending on you.

Prepare the wrong thing,
do it perfectly, but the wrong
thing; and act totally confused
to the extent others feel to console you.

Take every possible sick day you can, be as late as you can, leave as early
as you can.

Start slow here, for again you don't want people to think...what is wrong
with you today.. you want it to seem normal.

Work up to the point where you are normally ten minutes late, or normally
pack up ten minutes early. Once this becomes your 'norm' you can steal
a few more minutes here and there.

When you go out to lunch get lost.
Get lost at all times.
If someone sends you to buy lunch take forever.
If you are given five things to do, do two right, one wrong
and forget the other two.

If there is any kind of function outside of your core, don't show up.
Never volunteer for anything and if you are volunteered don't do it.

In most cases, letting them down once is once too many.

Have a cheerful attitude, almost goofy. So that people don't take you seriously.

Soon enough you will be left out, left off, and actually get a life.
Don't screw it up by becoming reliable.


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    • profile image

      Chewy Mommy 4 years ago

      Wow! I think I need to become a flake ;-) Great article!

    • qeyler profile image

      qeyler 4 years ago

      It is wonderful when there are ten members, ten jobs, and another person does two.

    • Sullen91 profile image

      Sullen91 4 years ago from Mid-Atlantic Region, US

      You lost me at the 'Beginning to Look Attractive?' heading. It wasn't until the how to be a flake heading right after it that I caught on to where this was going duh. I like your delivery. Keep it up, it's a pleasant surprise to see real humor.

    • qeyler profile image

      qeyler 4 years ago

      You are very welcome

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      I have met many flakes throughout my life. When it comes to tasks and responsibilities, they are not ones that you can really count on. thanks for sharing.

    • qeyler profile image

      qeyler 4 years ago

      Being a Flake means you have a life. Means no one asks you, expects much from you, and if do something even halfway decent you ar praised to the ceiling.

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