Birthing Death

Oh my Mother you have died and left me torn.

From the life we had, a new beginning must be born.

But how can I be reborn with a hole in my heart.

Everyday I get up and I try to restart.

And every minute I believe I have a new life.

I hit a bump in the road and encounter strife.

For that moment I am broken with grief.

For which I know I shall never find relief.

And I am faced with the Holidays alone.

Without you I know I will never know a home.

But I carry on for my wonderful son who we both love.

And I know you are watching us broken and struggling from above.

And everyday I struggle to continue and find my breath.

Because starting over without you is like birthing death.

So Birthing Death is the goal of everyday.

And as such I am preparing for the lonely Holidays.

Holidays that are filled with happy memories of you.

Holidays that will have to be reborn to happiness too.

How will I proceed for my son?

He misses you as well and he is so young.

And so each day we rise with great intent.

To start over, ourselves we try to reinvent.

And each day rise to make a new.

Because we recognize in us lives you.

So now we must make strides to heal.

The Holidays will be a rough ordeal.

But with you in us we move forward with sorrow.

We are reaching for a better tomorrow.

And this is an awesome task.

That most days we feel is outside of our grasp.

Your love, light and strength carries us through.

Until we can walk on our own as each day is new.

And it is like Birthing Death living without you.

But genesis comes after Death so we know we will be renewed.

And in renewal our love will last forever.

You in us will be forever together.

And in our laugh you will rejoice.

For that is what you would have wanted for us by choice.

And our tears were always your reign.

For they brought you the most pain.

And now you are free to watch us from above.

Reborn to a new life living life full of love.

And when I die my son will know how to Birth Death and be renewed.

Because he had to learn it the first time when losing you.

And one day we will be renewed and able.

And able to feast at the Thanksgiving and Christmas table.

Our joy will overwhelm us with happiness and hope.

We will no longer be just existing and trying to cope.

We will be happy once again.

But you will always be missed my friend.

But the love you shared did not die with you.

It is our goal to share your love a new.

And Birthing Death is only a means to a new start.

A new life for us as you will always live in our hearts.

This poem is dedicated to my Mother who died on January 7, 2011 of rectal cancer after a two year battle. We will never stop missing her. But her love lives on in us eternally.