Brain Tumor/Surgery My Recovery Story: Chapter 2- Becoming My Own Superhero

Taking this internal stand for myself I fought through many “shoulds”.  I
should tell my son, sister, in –laws and friends.  I should take anti-seizure
medicine as a precaution.  I should schedule the surgery sooner.  I should
not go to Bimini.
 
Losing control over my life, becoming an antidote or making people mad
and not love me were crazy making thoughts that whorled around in my
brain.  Once again in reality those thoughts were thoughts that distracted
me from the real objective—Total Recovery.
 
So by forcibly not indulging in those thoughts, I created a quiet space for
reflection.  A space where I became a Super Hero to my self thus creating
a space for deliberate healing—LIFE.

It was in this space that I decided I wanted to actively participate in energetic healing and
prayer work… After all I had two months—perhaps the tumor would just go away.
 
I contacted a few friends whom I consider amazing energetic healers and people
who pray real good.  Told them of my situation and asked for assistance.  Much to
my delight every one I told not only said YES, made a joke so we could share a
hearty laugh and then very practically said  “Let/s get on with it!” 

Thru guided imagery an energetic healing a prayer a space was held so I could face the
unseen fear, see the origins and then release it back to the living loving light to whom
some of us call God.
 
I realized during this process that the end results or removal of the tumor wasn’t as im-
portant to me as remaining in that state of calmness knowing that all is and will be well.  

END CHAPTER TWO

LESSON THREE
No matter what the choice—No Regrets

I am sitting in my hotel room in Bimini. The weather is changing. A big storm is brewing. There is no way off the island for three days. My temple, my eyebrow and cheekbone begin to hurt. I now realize that this pain which has been with me most of my life is a result of the tumor swelling. I am not taking anti seizure medicine as the doctor had recommended. I began to freak out. What if I have a seizure? There is no medical help on this island and I can’t leave for three days. I begin to beat myself up on the stupidity of this decision and then slowly began to realize that these thoughts and feelings are making me feel really bad. So bad that I am likely to create enough stress to cause my body to physically respond. I start to breathe, letting the calmness of the breath envelope my being. In a few moments I reach a state of calmness. In this state of calmness I realize the power of no regrets. Regrets holding me to the past—propelling me out of the now and creating disharmony. Forcibly I fight the fear. The weather passes and the pain goes away. I realize that the only danger I had been facing was the fear of my own thoughts.

LESSON FOUR
“Shoulds are not a part of the equation in Love. They are but an illusion keeping people from living their life and loving one another.”

I found that shoulds are not real. They are truly an illusion of the mind. They sap energy and divert attention from healing. I realized that it is my life, no one else’s. I have the right to live it as I choose. When I was living in a place of shoulds I saw myself getting angry at the world and those who wanted to be a part of my life. I wanted to retreat so I wouldn’t feel so guilty or angry. The constant mind chatter was eating me up and draining energy that could be focused on healing. Only when I attuned to the reality that “This is my life” and I have the right to live it as I choose could I extend love, gratitude and compassion… for my self and to others. In this space healing was possible.

LESSON FIVE
“The value of a Super Hero.”

By empowering myself I stepped into a place of Super Hero. I took charge of my life and began to follow internal guidance. Guidance that was totally geared toward my life and my best interests. Everyone’s situation and challenge is different. The correct way for each of us to handle our challenges differs as well. When I became my own Super Hero, I was less confused about a course of action or decision. Internal Dialogues diminished and lost their grip. I felt stronger, no longer overwhelmed, no longer a victim; and I just knew the proper course of action to take for me.



LESSON SIX
“Choose your confidants well.”

I realized I didn’t want to be engaged in certain types of conversations or be center stage at happy events for others. What I did want was to get well. So I carefully chose who and the number of people I told. This was a very crucial decision for me. It would have been too easy to engage in conversations where I was center stage for all of the wrong reasons. These conversations would have pushed me off course and defocused my intentions of Total Recovery.